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Click here"Laugh about this WITH Susan next week," Lee replied with mirth.
"What?" One asked for all of them.
Lee explained while sharing smiles with the husbands, "It's a put on. Just a little good natured pay back for Susan nosing around in other's business. It was all her husband's idea."
The women calmed down as the men laughed openly. One of the ladies asked Gwen how she felt. She was unperturbed. "I don't think Susan will complain in the long run." Gwen wore a wry smile.
"I'm not sure how you can say that. Her husband needs to tell his wife the truth," the woman croaked out.
Gwen took over the conversation with the tone of her voice, "I'm sure he will, just as soon as he finishes his impression of being a traffic cone. A big, tall, proud one!"
The energy at the table changed from worry to mirth as the couples exchanged meaningful eye contact.
"Here, here," someone said, as the group laughed and raised their beers in a toast to the science of traffic control.
- COMMENTS
orneryonez4 months agoNow i understand why my Mother said don't take drugs... i believe this Author was taking hallucinogens while writing this repetitive drawn out ramble. And as for the "Movie Star" she went out with for a short period, who the hell cares!!!
davezq5 months agoIt's "Hear, hear," not "Here, here." Just sayin". As with your other stories I enjoyed this one a lot, and how your characters drill really deep to explore situations and feelings. Some might say too wordy, but I find it value-added.
Anonymous5 months agoWell told especially the part where she tells her husband and he then turns it into a positive situation. I read many LW stories and most of them that deal with the dreaded "male ego" are written poorly. Finally a real good story with a bend to it that is very plausible. Good job.....
Anonymous6 months agoBit repetitive but I actually liked this chapter. However getting here was excruciating and overwrought. So why this chapter? Eventually the reveal, he handles it with humor and is fine. His lessons and her epiphany and getting out of her weird headspace on her long ago celebrity hookup was fun to watch. His humor was hilarious as well as her worried reactions. Then they made up mostly her realizing she was free of her guilt and past, and their discussion about sex had a lot of merit, including the experience that comes with being a long time lover. Her antics with thr girls were funny. And it ended with humor. She certainly was revved up when he guessed the actor. But wow the prior two cheaters were just pure torture to get theough. Especially the second one.
danbo566 months agosorry this story is not for me I like long stories but found this one too long and a lot of rambling and repeating itself the concept and construction were fine but for me could have been finished in two pages rather than three parts as i say sorry just not for me 3 stars
SteveWallace6 months agoI really found this intriguing and interesting.
Ch. 1 had some redundant paragraphs that seemed to be pasted out of place towards the end.
5/5
Wolf
Anonymous6 months agoI liked it. This part was better than the first two, and the little bit of humor helped it too.
Lyon7966 months agoThis is meant as constructive criticism.
Your first two stories, 'Being Special' and 'Getting it Wrong' are two of the best stories on this site. In fact, 'Getting it Wrong' should be the gold standard for 750 Word or short stories.
But while your stories are engaging, the text as you have written it would be much better suited to a screenplay than a short story. Dialogue in a screenplay has the benefit of being spoken by actors who can convey angst and a range of emotion that is not evident in text alone and the text, without the benefit of the changing dynamics that actors can provide, can seem unnecessarily repetitive. This was especially true of ‘Splashdown'. That story had many absolutely great lines that were unfortunately lost in the mass of language. Indeed, the plot, tension and drama in ‘Splashdown' were compelling and I kept hoping that Peggy would remain faithful – I really cared about the characters; but honestly, I found myself skimming through parts of it because the sheer amount of the text was distracting to the story. The same was true here.
You clearly demonstrated your ability to tell a story in a compelling and succinct manner in your first two stories. If you can combine that with some of the poignant observations and great lines you demonstrate in your other stories; you will have a winning combination. Thanks!!
Anonymous6 months agoYou have some really good story ideas. You just have extreme difficulties in presenting your stories in an interesting and exciting manner. Not really sure how you can overcome that with the way you tell a story.
