All Comments on 'Summer Afternoon'

It was good... all the way up to the point of the "after"... if they were such good buddies, it dun make sense... There were so many other choices... become lovers, get married, remain the best buds with something special to remember... so many options... and u chose the SADDEST one... :p

Anyway, nice story! :D

It?s a very good, well-written story. I have been in that position, where two friends have crossed into a point of no return. A line, that once crossed, marks the end of the friendship as it was. As in the story, things changed and we drifted apart. However, this is a story forum; a place where fantasies can come true and things do not allows end up like they do in real life.

It would be great if Liz and the narrator could run into each other after both have finished school and get together. Such good friends could make a great couple.

The only question I have is, what happened to Liz?s dad? Maybe the ending could be rewritten to have Liz?s dad discover them just as they finished. The narrator quickly runs away with Liz?s dad giving chase. The next day, Liz is sent to a boarding school far way and her and the narrator are never given the opportunity to talk or contact each other. The narrator sees Liz in a park five years later with a small boy that could be her son... or is it a child she is babysitting for a relative or friend? There is only one way he can be sure. He starts to make his way across the park to her...

And you could end the story there and let people come to their own conclusions or you can use it as a lead-in on a sequel.

You nailed it - the ending is weak. If you thought so, why did you submit it before re-writing? Ain' no way a couple as simpatico would have busted up over a little sex - especially when they both wanted it so badly and enjoyed it so much. Two intelligent young adults with a genuine fondness for each other can talk through anything - so - back to the drawing board, Nomad, let's get these lovers straightened out. None of this subconcious "sex-is-nasty, sex-is-bad, if-we-have-unmarried-sex-it's-gonna-screw-up-our-lives-forever" unhappy endings Bullcrap!

What's wrong with the ending? Nothing. I've been there. Sex can and may fuck up a friendship in ways you can't imagine. There are no really good reasons that make any sense. Good story, no matter what bullshit criticism you get... I liked it a lot.