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She looked at me disbelievingly. "You are saying that even with the promise we could be a family again you couldn't stop dressing up?"
"Look Luce, I don't know why I do it... It is deep inside me. I have fought this my whole life. I can't just switch it off or switch it on its there permanently."
She went back inside and refreshed our drinks. "So what do we do?"
"Perhaps we need to think about it a bit more. I would love for us to be a family again. I promise I would never do anything to harm the children or you."
"Tai, you can't promise that... Look what happened when I found out. What if that had been the kids?"
We talked for hours until Karen returned with the kids. When she walked in she went to hand me a cheque. "Tai..." I pushed her hand away. "Karen I don't want that money I never did. Johnno just made me angry putting me down in front of the kids. You guys can say what you want buy I don't expect it to be said in front of the kids. Your opinion is your opinion." I was so angry I spat out. "As if he is a role model jeeeeez."
She fidgeted around. "Are you sure Tai?"
I nodded. "Forget it ever happened Karen."
She surprised me by climbing into a tight hug. "Thanks hon, I appreciate this."
She stayed for a while and the kids ran around the place and spent ages out on the balcony showing off their new found knowledge of Melbourne.
That night Luce and I sat up late talking without ever figuring out what to do. We didn't sleep together. In the morning it was a rush to get to the airport and it was chaos. At the airport it was tears, tears and more tears. I cuddled the kids and promised them they could come as often as they wanted and I would be home as much as I could. Luce and I hugged and kissed. We exchanged I love you's and it was hard to watch them walk through those gates.
The moment they were gone I drove home and collapsed on the bed. I could still smell Luce on the sheets. I am not afraid to say I cried. I cried a river. It was like my life had disappeared again... I was lost and alone.
Later Luce called to say they had got home and thanked me for everything.
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