All Comments on 'Taming the Bunny Ch. 04'

I'm lost. What was this about? I had no clue who was talking to who. This needs to be finished quickly. A divorce and he moves on. She finds she has an std and cries herself to sleep. I hate giving negative feedback as it takes something to write and post a story but this is all over the place.

Please, who needs to know unimportant things like who's speaking? All we need is dry confusing dialouge that bluntly states exactly what the character is doing and feeling. Subtext and craft are for wimps like Mark.

A bit like watching paint dry!

You are slowly improving your organization in writing.

Not only that, but this has been a constant complaint, we don't know who is talking at all, it's just "blah blah blah" and then "blah blah some name blah blah", who's speaking? You don't know which makes for a horrible story experience especially with random jump cuts, it just failed.

The typos in the first few paragraphs killed your story. Dialogue was hard to follow. You need to proofread or else why bother posting something that no one can understand?

You’re killing me with the dialogue only.

On the bright side, it’s slow moving enough that just reading half a paragraph every 4 paragraphs can let me know the shape of what’s going on.

The characters do still sound terribly immature and shallow to me, and there’s probably too much emphasis on Jane and Vi. However, I do think that the flow and structure of this third instalment is better.

Very tricky of you to disguise a total lack of plot by using confusing and wooden dialogue!

See spot. See spot run. See spot pee in the yard. Spot good.

Maybe one of the worst I have ever read on this site. Just plain awful.

I will admit having difficulty following the storyline - the flow is constantly interrupted.

Maybe slow down rather than jumping between dialogues.

Why the emphasis on Jane and Vi - then insert a conversation with his Ex giving her lover Brian more time to explain her situation then her husband?

Not too sure where the story is heading as it is still a jumble in part 04.

If ever there was a story designed for skipping to the end this was it. Divorce is his only option when she sprang this nonsense on him, why was he waiting till she finished her affair to get back together.

Just the continuation of the wimp and simp tale. Hubby is weak and sad. Wife is a selfish alut and narcissistic. Same old story - just needs to end

"Porches"

Oh my God, continued dithering and nearly nothing happening. Long conversations between characters that the reader can’t tell who they are. On and on, boring, meaningless, repetitive conversations with no point. Mark is a character that no real male would ever act like - he’s not exactly a participating cuck and he doesn’t seem that angry at Lana’s affair, yet he fucks two younger women who move in with him without really knowing him. WTF? This whole mess is emotionally sterile and makes no sense. Four chapters of nonsense and nothing happens.

Obviously English isn't your native tongue. That's not my complaint. The story is entertaining, but clearly could use the assistance of a native English speaking editor. I understand you don't intend this to be a BTB, but I hope there will be SOME lasting price Lana has to pay. Maybe Mark and Vi can have a child together and Lana can be stuck playing the role of Grandmother.

What the hell is with all these “heheh” to show emotions? An average writer can get across emotions without resorting to what sounds as a forced…this is what the emotion is. I almost had to stop reading the story because of this. Heheh. Oops.

Sorry but this reads like a semi literate esl 13 year olds wet dream

No emotion. When I am reading this the dialog in my head sounds like robots conversing. "I am L.A.N.A. (Licentous and Narcissistic Adultress), a MK I woman unit. I am married to a beta model W.I.M.P. (Woman Impaired Male Prototype) husband Mark, he says I am a bunnie. That is why I cheat on my husband unit. I cheat with a Hunk unit Brian. He makes me WoW! No, wait! The Brian unit plays WoW. That is why he must be terminated as my side squeeze. For a hunk, he is bland. My programming is corrupted. I am corrupted. I am a slut, oh no, what shall I do? I must retrieve my husband unit Mark...[Danger] [Danger]... I do not compute!"

So wife thinks if she ends it with Brian then Mark will come back and all will be good? But mark doesn’t know about her gangbang nights? And she doesn’t think this is going to be a problem because he doesn’t know. Bit now she’s pissed of Brian - husband would be crazy to return home

Your writing process is steadily improving. Ignore that negative feedback, concentrate on the comments on the errors to be fixed. The "Rabbits and Cats" reference does not translate to English speaking very well. Pick up an story book written in English and read how a conversation is written. Try to not to jump between different groups without a story break (see story book for reference). It looks like the making or you story is worthwhile to read, you just need help in putting it to paper (file page). Keep trying you are getting better.

Just get someone to help smooth out the dialogue and try not to jump around so much.

its not really entertaining ,,,not even sex is described rather than insinuated....please try to expand a bit and/or write bigger chapters with beginning and end.

Just more BS

The story goes on and on. Just kill it already. And Mark and Lana aren't getting back together, he already has better women with him.

This series could be SO much better with the aide of an English-speaking editor.

Please?

More to come

Mark take selfish bitch Lana back?

No way, she’s a waste of space, too wrapt up in herself, too shallow, ntitled and selfish,

Toss her to the curb

What, who, where, when, how?

But mostly - WHY?

Lana is still a worthless cheater. Still very hard to follow the story……

I’m out!

Gotten pretty random after MC left home.

I’m still struggling with how you write

I haven't got to the next, fifth chapter yet, but somehow I have a feeling that in these new circumstances, Mark is going to be all over the idea of an open marriage and Lana is definitely going to be opposed to it.

I do want to say that this was a original story idea, and for that 4 stars

If her husband takes her back then I have wasted my time with this story.

Cheating wife decides to dump lover. Hopefully it’s too late.