All Comments on 'That's What Friends Are For Pt. 03'

There are a lot of problems with continuity and keeping details straight. Liz was completely trashed at the end of chapter two. Why were they both okay with Liz driving drunk? Wasn't Liz 39 years old in chapter two? How did she lose a year? "Still, much more cozy than the bedroom." They were in the bedroom. You were describing the bedroom. I think you meant the bedroom was cozier than the living room.

-

"her eyes rolled into the back of her head." Why have seizures become a normal part of bad porn?

-

"She looked him in the eyes and stuck her tongue out as she kept quickly jerking him off, then she started moaning, 'Oh yea baby, your dick is good mmmmm...'" Is she staring at him weirdly with her tongue out like in so much bad porn or is she jerking him off and talking dirty? It's hard to speak with your tongue hanging out. Please stop taking cues from bad pornos. You have talent. The way you normally write sex scenes is so much better than that.

-

I was glad to see the tags did not include any hint of BDSM, so I was eager to read this chapter, but at one page it's far too short. It should have been part of the previous chapter or not posted until the story was properly expanded. Seeing as how you posted an additional chapter one day after this one, I don't see the point in this one.

There are a lot of problems with continuity and keeping details straight. Liz was completely trashed at the end of chapter two. Why were they both okay with Liz driving drunk? Wasn't Liz 39 years old in chapter two? How did she lose a year? "Still, much more cozy than the bedroom." They were in the bedroom. You were describing the bedroom. I think you meant the bedroom was cozier than the living room.

-

"her eyes rolled into the back of her head." Why have seizures become a normal part of bad porn?

-

"She looked him in the eyes and stuck her tongue out as she kept quickly jerking him off, then she started moaning, 'Oh yea baby, your dick is good mmmmm...'" Is she staring at him weirdly with her tongue out like in so much bad porn or is she jerking him off and talking dirty? It's hard to speak with your tongue hanging out. Please stop taking cues from bad pornos. You have talent. The way you normally write sex scenes is so much better than that.

-

I was glad to see the tags did not include any hint of BDSM, so I was eager to read this chapter, but at one page it's far too short. It should have been part of the previous chapter or not posted until the story was properly expanded. Seeing as how you posted an additional chapter one day after this one, I don't see the point in this one.