The B.F.G.

"That she is. That she is." And the young woman's smile drops off her face again.

"Would you like to talk about it? Something is bothering you. You look happy then your face drops-"

"Haha. I could never play poker." She fiddles with her handbag and frowns in thought, "You know what? Fuck it. I do and I guess you're the perfect person to talk to. You don't know... Well, can I trust you not to..."

I run my hands across my lips in a weird attempt to do a 'lips are sealed' gesture.

She draws in a ragged breath and blurts, "I fucked a stranger last night."

"Oh..." I rub my forehead. "Well... er... The thing..."

She pats my leg again, "Shh. Nothing you can say to help. I am just so disgusted with myself. I love my Brody so much. We've been together almost three years now. And then, twelve rum and cokes, a bit of a dance and hello slutguts. I'm so ashamed."

"Oh. We all make mis-"

"That's just it though, right? I don't. I'm the stable, steady, smart one. And here I am sitting here spilling my guts to you and hoping the damn morning after pill I took doesn't make me cramp or nauseous. Here I am."

"Your partner, you are-"

"Very much in love with him. Would be absolutely mortified if he cheated on me. He's..." Then the poor girl starts crying quietly. She hides her face in her hands.

"And I can't even tell him. If I did, I know he'd be hurt and he would forgive me far too quickly and easily. But right now, the only person I've hurt is me. He's not going to find out if I don't tell him. He's not going to be hurt unless I am selfish and tell him so he can forgive me when I can't. So yeah... It's a bit of a shitfight, sugar."

"Oh." I pat her shrugging shoulders as she quietly settles and wipes her eyes.

"Ha. Glad it's a pyjama party and I'm not wearing makeup. You must... This is just... I'm sorry Kevin."

"No need. I just... I'm not much good at-"

"Emotional conversations?" She laughs and gives me a sideways hug. "Sugar, you don't have to be. All that men have to do sometimes, is listen and let us blurt. Please don't mention it to the others. Judy if you must, but the others leak secrets like a sieve."

"Promise. Look. Don't beat yourself up too much. My first wife... She... She, well, our entire marriage was a lie in the end. You made a poor choice. You have owned it and taken responsibility for it. My ex lived her lie for almost eighteen years. When it all came out, it was devastating."

"Did she cheat?" She says the word cheat like a judge's gavel coming down on herself.

"No. Not that I know of. But in a way, she cheated everyday. She was gay. She knew she was gay but I never did. She wanted a marriage and children, so she appeared... I still don't understand it. Then one day... It was over and she was out and gone. There were many times over the years that I questioned our relationship. The bedroom was stale and like a mission she executed out of duty or something. Don't get me wrong, she enjoyed it sometimes but just... It felt one sided."

"That's sad."

"Hmmm. Yeah. So, I guess what I'm saying is we all do dumb things. At least yours is over and done and you can contain the fallout. At least you didn't spend eighteen years doing something dumb for the wrong reasons."

"Look at you go, shoogs. All Oprah Winfree and I thought you were shitty at talking." She punches my shoulder lightly, "I always tell people to look for silver linings. I guess, for me, I know I'll never cheat again. I feel like shit and never want to feel like this ever again. I'm just afraid that I'll know and my behaviour will be different or something and then I'll have to tell Brody so he understands. That would be so cruel."

"Well look... we-"

"We what?" Asks Judy who's returned with little Tony.

"We were just talking about what a screamer you are in the sack. Jesus sugar, Cam said she had to put Tammy's thighs on her ears to block out the noise." Judith's blush is chased off her face by a splitting smile.

"Well, a girl has needs dear." She replies quite seriously. "Now come on, otters to observe..." She makes a shooing gesture. We all rise and Georgia gives me a brief hug and a peck on the cheek.

"You hang on to this guy, Mum."

"He's the one who's going to have to hang on. I'm afraid my life is more rollercoaster than Ferris Wheel."

This is the first time since I was probably ten that I've worn pyjamas in public. The last time was when I was rushed to hospital for my appendix operation. I'm hoping tonight turns out a lot less stressfully. Frankly, I'm a little lost. Teetering on wishes and hope and the paltry power I have to manifest the things I am kind of allowing myself to dream.

I go home in two days. My children bought me this holiday. They were here on Friday when I met Judith. They helped me celebrate my birthday. The same day as Jude's daughters. Then I was supposed to enjoy some beach and really? What the fuck does a fifty-three-year-old man do on the coast on his own? Surf? I'm a truck driver... Well, I own a logistics business and don't drive anymore...

But now... Now I want things. I want a repeat of last night's passion. In eighteen years of marriage I have never experienced anyone that intently focused on her own and my pleasure. I don't think I've even done some of- nevermind.

And these lovely humans. Someone gathered all these beautiful individuals in their life; attracted them like a magnet somehow. Was it Judith's husband, Tony? Brian, her mute son? Camille even? It doesn't probably matter, but I feel included. They are a kind of clan. And they have a gravity that pulls you closer and makes you feel...

"Look Kev." Jude says beside me and hugs my arm into her lovely breasts. I'm embarrassed and proud of my physical reaction; I used to use Cialis when I was married... Apparently, it's no longer required.

We've been wandering as a loose group through the entire facility, enjoying all the exhibits as quietly and for as long as we like without the daytime crowds. And now, we've come to the underwater tunnel and discovered it has been 'set'.

There are bean bags and wine buckets. Little bags of some kind of candy sit in each bean bag and there are name tags.

I watch as Sandra, Tim and Liz try to occupy a single bean bag and my goodness, I have some truly Pornhub kind of imaginings about what is actually occurring in that dynamic.

"Ooh!" Jude says quietly as she climbs aboard our bean bag and perches in my slightly uncomfortable because of my erection, lap. "You're bad. My favourite kind of bad. Pour me some champers, Kev."

The occasion, whatever it is, does not seem scripted. We all just sit and sip our champagne and watch the myriad of sea creatures swimming overhead. I've not been here before and the thought of sharks just inches away is a little unsettling. You see, I have an arrangement with sharks. If they don't come on the land, I won't bite them and if I don't go in the ocean, they won't bite me. This aquarium compromise is a weird kind of DMZ, I guess.

"Look. Isn't it sweet." Jude whispers to me. She nods in the direction of the boy giant and the smoking hot redhead. "I'm so glad. She's loved him forever."

She tells me laughing of Jacinta's nightly prayers for his old girlfriend's death. I've heard a lot of his story, but not much of hers. And yes, it is sweet to watch the two young ones lost in the cocoon of their own growing love. A sappy part of my old truck driver's heart is reminded of the bubble that Jude and I have been in for the last couple of days.

"What?" She nudges me and smiles. "You look so serious."

"Waiting for the bubble to burst, I guess." I brush her grey flecked hair out of her face, "All good things..."

She sighs and nods. "Well, check out for us all tomorrow. So, there is that, Kev. We only live a few hours apart. We've had this conversation. No pressure, see where life takes us. It's not like we live on different planets."

I nod and smile. She's the optimist to my realist. I deal with logistics on a daily basis. Getting things from point a to point b on time and undamaged and the logistics of trying to continue this budding relationship given our almost three hundred kilometre apart homes and our busy jobs just boggles my mind. I like everything planned and executed like a mission.

"You're doing it again, Kev." She snuggles into my side. "It'll work. You just watch."

"I've got an idea, if you want to hear me out."

"Go on."

"You have to check out in the morning."

"I know this, you wally. Don't worry, I've got my own ideas on how to make our last night memorable. I don't think Brian will be sharing the room. Do you?" She looks across where Jacinta's cheeky smirk as she watches her friends all lost in their own conversations tells me she's correct.

"Ha. No look. The kids have booked me in until Wednesday. I'm not expected back at work until Friday afternoon so Joseph can give me a handover briefing and..."

"Are you asking what I think?"

"I know. It's a bit of a stretch, we're just sort of-"

"I'd bloody well love it." She growls and crushes her lips to mine. When she releases me from the very public display, I'm a little red in face from embarrassment and... "You'll be sick of me by Thursday and keen to see the back of me."

The little red haired lad offers Judy one of the little rock candy lollies. "Nan, I seen the man make these. Look."

He points at the white centre of the little treat and we both squint to read tiny letters in the lolly.

"BFG", a small red heart and "JLM".

"Strikes me how they can make letters that small inside the things." I tell Judy as I examine the detail. She's busy alerting Camille and her ah, friend, to the fact. Like a game of Chinese whispers everyone is suddenly examining their lollies closely and making cutesy noises at them.

Well everyone except Jacinta who explodes out of their shared bean bag holding a hand full of candy in front of her incredulous face and yells, "What the fuck!"

"Kinda fucking obvious if you ask me." Camille laughs. "BFG loves JLM. Dah!" She says holding up her own lolly briefly before popping it in her mouth.

But Jacinta stares breathless and shaky at her handful of candy then glances at Brian who I watch in seeming slow motion, move to a single knee and reach for her other hand. His lips move and his hands sign and Jude translates for me.

"I love you very much. I know you promised no silly proposals but I didn't." He sucks in a very obvious deep breath and the tunnel is frozen in time. Like the climax in a silent movie, we all wait as he rubs the back of his neck and continues.

"Jacinta Louise Morgan. Will you marry me."

Her "Get fucked!" joins the other's surprise and emotional tears. "I heard that Bry. You spoke." She's crying as she drops to her knees in front of him and cradles his face with her hands. "Say something else."

"I love you." He smiles and looks about like he's trying to work out where the noise is coming from. "Very much, now answer me. Please Little Red. I'm kinda hanging here."

Jude is wiping her eyes. Jacinta hands her lollies to Tony and he squints at them and shrugs his shoulders as she says, "Yes. Fucking hell yes. I fucking WILL marry you Brian Francis Grant."

Little Tony must feel a bit left out of the moment; maybe it all went over his head like the giant rays that glide above us. He plonks himself on Judy's lap and puts one of Jacinta's lollies in her hand. Judy examines them. They are a different colour to ours. Ours are red with a white centre and letters. Jacinta's are green with "Marry me" written in the centre. She hands them to the others and in the hubbub of the family moment, I feel a little bit like a spare wheel.

Jacinta is effervescing and the girls are looking at the outstretched fingers she shows them. Brian is just smiling to himself as he watches. Tim and I shake his hand.

"That's gonna be freaking hard to live up to if I ever get around to popping Liz the question. How did... Your voice..."

"No idea." He signs and speaks. "A bit scratchy and feels strange." His voice sounds a little hoarse and is weakening as he uses it.

"It's been difficult trying to er... you know communicate well." I offer a bit awkwardly, "But I tell you what. While your voice still lasts, I know another woman who'd like to hear the words too."

"You make her happy, Kevin." His voice is fading quickly with use. His Mum leaves the group of girls in their huddle and cuddles into my side. Her eyes are bright and happy when she pats him on the chest.

"I haven't heard your voice except in my head for nearly..." She shakes her head trying to do the math. "Too long. I bet your bloody meddling father had a hand in this." She laughs.

"I love you Mum."

"I love you too. Now, you make sure you work out the in's and out's of all this boy. You have a lot to organise and if you drop the bundle, that little girl will be-"

"Shh... Mum-" His voice fails to a raspy sound so he continues signing. I can't follow, so I just watch the joy on their faces and listen to the snippets that Jude speaks. I hear about new jobs in town and houses. Uncertainty about moving Jacinta, or even if she wants to move before university is over.

"Oh, sorry Kev. Just... He's so organised... All planned and," she waves at her face, "I'm a little giddy with it all."

"Well, consider it an engagement present. If Jacinta wants to move up to Emerald, I happen to know someone with a truck that can help." He slaps my shoulder and shakes my hand then signs something to Judith.

"Yes." She looks at me sideways with a smirk, "I will."

"So, if Bwyin is marry Mumma and live wif her, where I go?" Tony asks Judith as she tucks him in on the couch in her room much later. "Am I live wif you, Nan?"

"Oh sweety, you don't go anywhere. You will stay with Mummy AND Brian."

"Oh good. I don't have a car yet." Judy reads him a story and I sip Jamesons Black Barrell on the balcony watching the cars on the street down below. Each one holds people who have their own worlds, their own perspectives on this funny place we live in. We're all lost in our own version of the experience that we find it hard to acknowledge others journey. You just never really know what other people are going through.

That's empathy though, I suppose. Like right now I'm fumbling through my own experience of this new thing with Judith. What are my feelings? Where are we headed? And I've not much given thought to her own thoughts and feelings on the matter. It's only been a few days and already I feel in over my head. I wonder if she's feeling the same kind of out of control.

"Little fella is down."

"Oh. Sorry. Off with the-"

"You ok? Things moving a little too quickly?"

"Was wondering about your feelings on that."

"Hmm... I gave up." She smiles all the way to her eyes, "I was trying to figure out how I felt for a day or two before I called you. Then... well, it took on its own momentum and I just kind of realised I wasn't driving so there was no point worrying. Come on, Kev. My back needs scrubbing."

It's a sin to swallow whiskey this nice so quickly, but I place the empty glass on the sink and trot like a teen on a promise behind her to the shower.

.......................

TONY BRIAN GRANT

My whole fam is nuts. And when they get together like this, yeet... It's Gracey's birthday today. She turns seven and is having a sleepover. Aunty Cam and Aunty Tam are visiting. They parked their RV thing out the back.

It's like none of them know I exist, I swear. They talk about absolutely anything and everything like I'm not even here. I'm thirteen. It's too young to hear some of this.

"Gross, Aunty C... that's child abuse. I don't want to know about your sex life." They laugh as if suddenly remembering I'm sitting in the same room.

"Oh, stop it Tones. It's not sex, it's IVF. And we just want some of your Dad's sperm so that Aunty Tam can make a baby."

"TMI!" I laugh and swing my legs from the chest freezer that I sit on so I don't get run over by the throng of visitors wandering in and out. Dad says Uncle Tim is the dumbest man on earth, but I reckon he's okay.

"Here Tony. I reckon your old enough and with this lot you'll probably need one." He hands me a can of beer and wanders out through the back door to the pool area where Aunty Sandy and Aunty Liz are watching the girls swim.

"Hard enough living with one woman, let alone two. The man must be bonkers." Dad says from the sink where he prepares meat for the barbeque.

"What's the matter old man?" Mum asks him, "Don't think you could keep up?"

"Young enough to turn you inside out still."

"Gross parentals! PDA! Overshare!" I laugh as Dad tries to swallow Mums head. They're always kissing and groping.

I can hear the sliding doors open and Grace shout, "Er Yuck! Don't look girls. Gross."

Her friends Tracy, Anne and Tyleesha giggle through the kitchen, on their way to Grace's room.

"My farts don't smell. I like to kick puppies and lollies are gross!" Shouts little Tyleesha. Then before I can do anything about it, she pulls a chair over, jumps up, holds my face and kisses me three times on the lips. I blush red. The little indigenous girl always does this.

"Yuck. Leave Tony alone, Ty." Grace tells her. "Besides, if you lie on purpose to get the kiss then it's cheating."

"I don't care. I love him. We going to get married and have two little caramel coloured babies called Tyson and Lorna and live in a big house with..." She fades away as the door to Graces room closes and to make it even more embarrassing everyone is looking at me.

Mum is smiling. Dad is shaking his head. Aunty Tam is laughing. Aunty Cam is holding a hand over her mouth. Liz and Sandy stand in the living room laughing and Uncle Tim is shaking his head where he stands at the bar next to Aunty Georgia.

I shrug. It's just what Tyleesha does.

"What? It's just little Leesha. Mum says it's just a crush and she'll grow out of it."

The laughter that followed my explanation made me a bit angry. They're supposed to be grownups, but never mind, at least now they're all staring at Mum instead of me.

"Is that right, Little Red?" Aunty Cam asks her and they all start laughing again. Idiots. When I grow up, I'm not got carry on like I'm a kid still.

Dad ruffles my hair and tells me, "You're a good man, Tony. Just be kind to the girl and everything will work out fine."

"Hmm... Time for some C.O.D. black ops," I think. This mob are weird.

............................