The B.F.G.

Liz and Cam discuss her stupid thing with the boss and I'm loving Liz more by the moment. She's so sharp witted and at the same time empathic. And god damn myself, I have not felt this connected ever before and suddenly I'm so afraid that it's all a moment which will vanish like so many others before.

I've made a life out of moments; collecting them like trinkets to shine in my memories. The camps.

The camps were where I became me. My thing; my perspective is built on a transactional existence. Everything cost. Everyone paid. My sex was currency. My affection coins. And here they are... Worthless. I was so young when I learned those lessons. Those places were full of predators. And here, inclusion costs nothing. Just like with Cam. One day I need a room. Next day I'm family and I'm crying again. I hate crying. I haven't been this weak since... Since, that day.

Sometimes when I'm too emotional to speak, I sign. Cam is running her fingers in my hair and shushing me like a baby. I'm so embarrassed. Her and Liz and Georgie have stopped talking and are quizzing my outburst.

"Talk to me honey."

"Shh. Deep breaths and when you're ready." Says Georgie.

So, I sign and tell them of that day when my brother was taken.

"My parents were rebels. After the fighting, the military searched everywhere for rebels. I was very little. Three, four years old. Mum hid my deaf brother and I in the rubbish heap outside. I heard dogs and people shouting, then gunshots. Mumma was screaming then there were more gunshots. Bang. Bang and she stopped. A dog was barking very close now and someone started searching the rubbish. My brother kissed me on the forehead and went 'shh'. Then he stood up."

"Oh my god that's awful honey." Cam wiped my eyes. I saw Liz and Georgie just staring with their mouths open. I've only ever told this to my Uncle and Aunt and they acted the same.

"The men took him and stopped searching. It got dark and I was hungry, so I went back into the house. Mum and Dad were gone but there was blood everywhere in the living room. I think even as little as I was, I knew they were dead. A neighbour found me the next day and took me to one of the embassies."

'Telling' the story seems to have settled me a little so I continue with my voice. "I'm sorry for the drama. I've just simply not felt this much like family forever and it makes me afraid. You're all so lovely and kind and I'm scared it will be taken away. The shrinks say it's part of the ptsd. I'm sorry. And Brian is just so... He made me feel..."

Then I'm crying again and wrapped in three sets of arms.

"Okay then..." I hear Cam's Mum. "Shots coming straight up."

I giggle for some stupid reason. Perhaps just the catharsis of my emotional purging. I'm released from these new friends and look up at Judy.

"For god's sake Camille, fix your pretty girlfriend's face up. She looks like a racoon. Georgia, you come help me carry drinks. Liz... Um... I don't know." She turns on her heel and Georgia follows her off toward the bar.

"Girlfriend?" Liz asks, smirking as Cam cleans my face with a wet wipe from her bag.

"Roomy with benefits." She says quietly blushing. "Mum kinda... 'heard' us."

"Well hang on to her. I like her." Her smile is so genuine that I blush.

"She's kinda growing on me too." Cam says and gives me a quick peck on the lips.

"Hawt! Chicks kissing." Tim is a funny dude. "Do it again, do it again."

He and Sandy have just returned from the beach and carry towels and surfboards.

"Hey slutguts, what lezzo shit are you up to now?" I like Sandy. She's pretty much straight to the point. Tells it how she's sees it. "Watch out for her, Tammy. She was always trying to lez up our sleepovers. Should have seen her when Georgie started growing tits. I swear, every dare had something to do with her boobs."

Shots return with Georgia, Judy and Brian in tow. They each carry a tray of assorted looking ways to install a hell of a drunken afternoon. Beside me Cam is tapping at her phone.

"Texting Sin. She'll love this."

Jacinta is in the playground on the other side of the pool and I see her lift Tony up and start walking towards us.

"Here." Judy takes the tray from Brian and sets it down. "She always loved these creamy things, didn't she?" She selects two shots and shoos Brian. "Go on." She nods toward the approaching redhead.

He nods back and I watch him as I down my first shot. Black Sambucca; this is going to hurt. There are giggles and laughs as others do likewise, but my attention is drawn to the body language of Brian and Big Red. They look so fucking awkward.

They meet about ten metres away. Jacinta 'shoos' Tony, who runs over to Judy and sits on her lap. Brian hands Jacinta one of the shots and downs his without delay. Sin just sort of looks at her glass.

The problem with sign language is anyone can know what you are saying from a long way away. There's no way to whisper.

"Sorry." He signs.

She speaks but I can't hear her. Like the others when they talk to Brian, they sign some words automatically or for emphasis. He's 'hearing able' so it's not necessary. I guess they had to learn to make the signs to read them and now it's second nature. So, her "what for" gesture is clear to me.

"Making you angry. Not talking with me. Everything."

She shrugs and speaks but all I can see is a sign for "push me away".

"Very young."

She sneers and says something fairly vehement.

"Tammy, another love?" I look back and take the shot glass and they become aware of what I'm watching.

Looking back, I see him sign, "I do."

She chuffs with a sarcastic sort of look on her face and says something else.

He answers, "I was broken, very broken. You deserve/need-"

He's cut off by a sudden punch to the stomach that doubles him over. We all watch as Jacinta downs her shot and then pushes him into the pool.

"Thanks for the shot Mum." She says smiling, as she hands Judy the glass. "There's a Big Floating Git in the pool. Maybe you could help him out Tim. He doesn't seem to be swimming well."

Grabbing Tony, she stalks off toward the rooms.

Help really isn't necessary. But Cam, Georgie, Liz, and Sandy all run over to the steps to drag him by the arms out of the pool. He's laughing as he grabs another shot and downs it.

"What the heck was that all about young man?" Asks Judy.

It's strange watching him laugh. His shoulders bounce, his tummy crunches and his mouth is open but just breath comes out in quiet pants.

"I don't know, Mum. But I think we are talking again. It's very good."

For me, drinking shots has always been like lighting the fuse not knowing how big the bomb at the other end was or how long until it goes boom. The afternoon fell away into hazy laughter and soon enough, Cam and I have one of Phillips arms each and we're escorting him to our room. Much to Judy's curiosity.

I knew I had him on the line but wasn't sure when I was going to reel him in. Cam decided for me.

"God I could use a good dick right now, honey."

"I might know where to find one." I winked and he never stood a chance.

He was still at the bar where I saw him earlier. Not drunk. Not even as buzzed as we were. Still tall, still shaggy looking and still with those big healthy teeth.

"Hi Phill. Cam and I are going to have sex. Would you like to join us?" I've found it quite useful to be direct with these matters.

He literally spat his drink.

In our room, he looked about a bit awkwardly. I guess he was wondering how this worked. Whether he should make some sort of move or if we would.

"Shh." I told him and pushed the arm I was holding up against the wall. Cam stretched his other hand up to the wall as well. Together we undressed him. He was quite fit in a surfy kind of way. Long limbs with wiry muscles. Not gym large but swimmer fit. There was a little trail of hair on his chest that I followed with my fingers down towards his already solid dick.

It was maddeningly average. Average length, average girth and fit so well in my mouth as Cam rubbed her hands over his flanks and bit at his neck. I could hear his fingers squelching inside her as I tongued his knob and savoured the heat of him and the taste of male.

Somehow, we marched him over to the bed without me losing his dick from my hungry mouth and no sooner had we spread him out like a boy buffet than he shot rope after rope of hot white sauce into my mouth.

He never had a chance to go very soft. Lifting my mouth from his still pulsing dick I pulled Cam to me and fed her some of his jizz. Our tongues danced and her moans joined his appreciative, "Fucking hot."

"God, I need this." Cam grunted, lining him up with her well fingered pussy. I watched her spear him into her puffy wet lips and sit down hard on him. "God, so damn long."

As she bucked on top of him, we kissed and my hands worshiped her tits. She has lovely little 'b' cups that I squeeze and knead. Her small pointy nipples are so sensitive and when my mouth finds first one then the other, I hear her tip over the edge in almost record time.

Her head is thrown back and her body convulses in time with her pussy. She's so beautiful like this, but I need some attention as well. Straddling Phillip's face seems to give him a hint and it's my turn to groan as he sets to work.

Men usually frustrate fuck out of me when they go down but he gets straight to work on my clit and somehow works a finger up into me as well. I moan into Cam's mouth as she starts grinding on him again and he finds my g-spot. Jesus, we have a winner.

I'm too damn noisy. It was probably me that Judy heard the other night. Cam usually just croons low 'ohs and ahs' but I squeal. I'm doing it now as I ride his chin, grinding my clit against his tongue. I'm so close but... but... his finger leaves me and I almost want to yell at him. When I'm close like that just don't fucking change a thing. But then bam...

My knees clap against his shoulders as his wet finger slides into my bum right up to his knuckles.

"God fuck. Fuck." And I squeal as my orgasm washes through me. Falling off him to the bed I curl into the foetal position and cup my pussy as if trying to hold the orgasm in and squeeze my eyes closed in bliss.

Waking some moments later I watch as they kiss and his hands explore her pale skin. She rides him slowly with her eyes closed and he watches me as I finger myself. He reaches for my leg and rubs his hand up my thigh.

"I love your skin." He tells me then arches in orgasm.

"Yeah fuck." Cam grunts feeling him cum and flicks her clit to join him. I'm not trying to get myself off, just playing and keeping myself turned on as I watch her fall down flat on him and bury her head in his shoulder. "God..."

"Uhuh." He agrees. With a wet messy squelch, Cam rolls off him and I smile at his creamy looking dick. It's softening but still hard enough for me to mount.

I kind of like this bit. When they've cum already but not gone completely soft and you can get them to go hard inside of you. He slips so easily in, coated with their combined mess, me already super wet and him not quite hard. Afraid I'll drop him out, I grind slowly and deliberately on him and I can already feel him hardening.

Cam sits on his thighs behind me and holds me close, her little tits pressed into my back and her body warm against mine. She kneads my breasts with one hand and rubs gently at my clit with the other as she nuzzles my neck.

"Cum for me Tammy. Cum for me honey. You like that dick? Is it fucking you good? Ride him darlin. Ah you getting close?" She croons into my neck and I cum a little and ride harder now that he's good and solid in me. I hump on the tail of that first small orgasm, hunting a much larger one that I can feel building.

His eyes looking up at me almost make me laugh. He'll be telling this story for the rest of his life.

"God that feels so good." Cam says reaching between us to feel his dick moving in and out of me. His grunt at the contact tells me it feels okay from his end too. Her hand leaves my breasts and my now sore nipples and slides down my side. She presses and slides on my clit in firm pulses and I feel her other hand slide under my bum to scoop a little of my wet mess up and paint it on my pucker. She knows me so well.

I lean forward till my head is near enough for him to press his tongue in my mouth and suck on my lip and feel Cam slide two fingers into my bum and slowly start working them in time with our thrusting. The sound comes from my mouth, but I can't do anything about it.

Squealing with every thrust now, I can feel the big one coming and I think about Brian and his warm arms. How heavy they were around me. How safe I felt perched on his thighs. How loved I felt and whack! My orgasm hits like a baseball bat. Cams fingers are spat out and I lock down on Phillips dick with violent spasms that wring pleasure from me in great waves.

He bucks too and I guess he's coming as well but I just don't give a single fuck as I lean back into Cam who holds me gently and warmly.

"Good girl. Good girl. Shh..." She rubs my electrified skin and I turn my head back to kiss her. God I love her. Fuck. I... damn it. I can't. When I love someone, I lose them. Fuck. And for the fucking god knows how many times today, I'm crying again. Great racking sobs that confuse the fuck out of the poor boy we've used like a human sex toy.

Cam pulls me down to the bed and spoons me closely.

"She's okay, just emotional today. Maybe you should leave." She tells a very confused man who I hear dress himself and leave. I don't think he'll have any complaints, but all I know is that I'm held warmly and beautifully by a fantastic person that I'm now afraid will be taken from me too.

"Shh honey." She brushes my face and pulls a cover over us, cradling me until I drift on dreams.

...................................

SANDRA MAREE BICKMAN

Judy looks horrified watching Cam and the new girl wander off with that boy. Can't say I blame them really. The afternoon sun, surfing with Tim and the shots has me a little revved up too. It's a shame Brad's not here. I may have to give my vibe a test drive later.

Liz is so lucky. Tim is patient and kind and it doesn't hurt that he's built like a... Let's leave that there shall we Sandra Maree. Seriously though, his hands on me while he was helping me learn to surf... Oh god... I could never, you know, cheat or... But, okay he's pretty hot and very nice and damn it, I think I need some alone time.

"I might see you guys around dinner time." I tell Liz and Tim where they sit opposite me. "Could really use a bit of a nanna nap."

"Yeah, same." Liz slurs. "Afternoon shots hey? Damn." The spring in Tim's step as he follows her tells me there'll be some more 'shots' fired. Damn I need to stop thinking like this but god I'm so horny. I can feel my wetness smearing as I walk to my own room.

Georgia's already passed out on her bed when I open the door. So, frustrated, I take my phone and the little rocket shaped vibe from my handbag to the bathroom. I sit on the loo and while I wee, I text Brad.

[Hey. Love ya.]

He takes a little while to reply. He always does.

[Ditto.] Ha. Wordsmith...

[wud?]

[Nothing. Kids are napping. Mum came round.]

His fucking mother can't help herself. The thought of her alone in my house snooping and being all judgy infuriates me. She's such a meddling bitch and he's the ultimate Mummy's boy. This was supposed to be him doing things with the kids. Being a dad. Pulling his weight. I bet she's cooked and done all the fucking washing and you know what, just fuck him.

I put my phone down on the basin while I pat at myself and flush. The pent-up horniness and my frustration with Brad meld into some kind of angry lust, so before I pull up my pants, I spread my legs apart and test the tip of the little vibe against my entrance.

It slips in like a little hard intruder with just the slightest press. I've left it turned off for now while I just play a little, feeling it spread me gently. I like this small one. It's so comfy and easy to hide in my bag.

I've been playing with this fantasy of late that seems to press my buttons. There's a knock at the door and I look through the peep hole to see a parcel guy. He's older, with short neat hair that greys at the sides and he's always so damn cheerful. I open the door and he hands me a large package. Placing it just inside, I sign for it and say, "You brought me a big package today."

"Any day you like pretty lady." He laughs and I pull him inside and close the door behind him.

Right there in the hallway he roughly shoves his tongue past my lips and pulls my aching mound against his erection.

"Oh my, that is a large package." I tell him dropping to my knees to free his massive dick and suck it into my mouth. I've turned the little vibe on now and it buzzes me gently closer to release as the man in my head shoves his cock roughly into my throat a few times causing me to gag then lifts me and bends me over the hall stand.

I've got one hand on the little vibe, thrusting it in and out and my other squeezes at my clit in time with my thrusting. The parcel guy looks at me hungrily with one hand pressing on my back, he spits on his other and lubes his massive weapon before thrusting it ungently deep inside me. Over and over he plunges that meat stick into me and I moan noisily with the kids sleeping just two rooms away.

Without warning he bucks finally and far too soon and holds deep inside my unprotected pussy and spurts and spurts and spurts. Then leaving me bent over dripping his cum down my legs, he pulls up his pants and tucks himself in.

"Anytime you need a special delivery, you only need to say pretty lady." He closes the door behind him and I finish myself off, smearing his load over my inseminated pussy and flicking my clit furiously. Just as I do now, bringing myself to a nice little sharp orgasm that will have to do until I get time really alone.

As I shudder down from bliss, I hear my phone ding and pick it up to see I have a message from Brad.

I laugh at his version of a dick pic. He really does have a nice dick. It's no match for my fantasy delivery guy, but it fits together with me quite well.

I don't laugh at the message that follows.

[Got two hours to myself. Wanna meet?]

I'm more than two hours' drive away so his message confuses me. Until the realisation hits me. Perhaps it's for his golf mate or someone but why would he send a dick pic. The fucking jerk. The fucking dumb jerk.

Sick and tears come. My tummy feels hollow and my eyes stream. Maybe I'm reading it wrong. Maybe it's a role-play thing. Sometimes we do that when we're apart. Maybe I should just ring and clear things up. But my heart knows.

The random texts he smiles at more frequently these days. Working late. The lingering hint of perfume on him that he says is his colleague's fault because she uses too much. The way he goes straight for the shower after golf these days. I'm such a fool.

But maybe I'm wrong. I dial his number.

When he picks up, I can hear car noises and he fumbles with something before saying, "Hi Helen baby, I'm outside the motel now."

"It's Sandra."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh." I'm fuming. "And fuck you, you cheating cunt."

"Oh god. It's not what it looks like. I've got to meet Helen for ah... work things, you know. Some signatures she needs and..."

"At a motel? Bullshit, 'baby'. Just make sure my kids are safe until I get home. I'll fucking deal with you later."

Hanging up I promptly pull up my undies, turn around and puke until I have nothing left. That's where Georgia finds me a good half hour or so later. Still sitting on the floor crying and looking like a fucking mess.

"Too many shots, sugar?" She wipes my face with a wet hand towel and I hand her the phone.