The B.F.G.

Sandy's bloke is fucking someone. The BFG and I have spoken for the first time in five years and damn... The only ones holding their shit together are Georgia, Liz and Cam. And they look so damn tired.

So, I watch Sandy with her sad eyes hold Tim's hand gently with her face looking like her world has just tipped off its axis and they wander with surfboards toward the beach for another surfing lesson. She moves mechanically like she just needs an activity to engage her.

I watch Liz smile at them and hug Georgia. They speak but I can't see their lips well. I watch Judy watch us all and smile. She has some knowledge. Some superpower. She's always had it. She put my Brian back together. Fuck.

Ouch. He really was "My" Brian once.

I met Brian when I was in grade two. We had our first sleep over just before Easter. Mum kept me out of school until I was six because she was 'home-schooling'. (Drinking.) So, for that first sleepover, I was seven years old.

And there was Brian.

He was already tall. Taller than me anyway which was good because I was the weird tall lanky kid in class. And he was not like any male I'd ever met. Neither was his Dad. They were this new thing. Kind.

They were Gentle. They listened. They pre-empted needs and god fucking damn it, they were affectionate. With no cost.

I didn't have to fetch beer to get a hug. I didn't have to light a smoke to get a slap on the... They never touched my butt either. I didn't have to clean up, do the washing, anything... Suddenly, I had a Mum and a Dad and a Brother who didn't want a single fucking thing from me. Except happiness.

And Brian... The 'dream-team'. Look how far I've fallen.

That first fucking sleepover I couldn't sleep. Away from home, I worried for Mum. Was he hitting her? And this house was quiet. There was always something making noise at home. And the nightmares; just the fear of them was keeping me awake. So I lay there sobbing until I woke Cam up.

She tried to calm me but eventually she just said, "I'll go get someone for you."

She came back with Brian and he told her sleepy head to go back to bed.

"She'll be fine with me. Come on little red. We'll watch some television okay?"

I nodded.

"Bring your sleeping bag darlin." His voice still lingers in my memories. Sometimes even now when I read his lips, I think I can actually hear him.

I fell asleep on the couch with my head on his lap and his fingers playing in my hair and woke to giggles in the morning. The girls had found me still snuggled up in that exact same spot. He had fallen asleep beside me.

"Didn't want to wake you." He told me, stretching. My face was the colour of my hair. And there it was. My safe place. That night we had watched the movie, 'The Big Friendly Giant', and that night I had found mine.

Over the next years whenever anything at home got noisy, I'd scoot out and find my safe place.

"I'll just go check." Were words I'd wake up to when Mum had rung Mrs Grant to see if I'd snuck out and curled up next to Brian. They only lived a block away.

And then I started growing tits and the world went to shit.

I was twelve, so that made him seventeen. He had a girlfriend, Olivia. I hated her. Judy frowned at me one morning when she shook me awake. "Darlin we have to talk. Girl talk okay. Come on, I've made a cuppa."

There were new rules. A pull-out bed that folded under Brian's. Some stuff about what I wore to bed. And I had to leave Mum a note on the fridge. I learned about periods and tampons and the absolute worst thing was I had to start wearing a stupid bra.

That was just the beginning of the end. It was the year Brian had the accident and the whole world turned upside down.

..................................

ELIZABETH JEAN FRANKS

"Dear Jesus, please let Olivia get hit by a bus when she drops her lunch on the school crossing."

They're snorting as they giggle.

"Dear Jesus, please hit Olivia with lightning." Cam laughs at her own version.

"Dear Jesus, if you give Olivia glandular fever, I will be nice to poor people." I offer my own prayer.

"Fuckwits." Sin grunts as she taps at the i-pad. "You know how guilty I feel about all that don't you?"

"You're the only person I know, who's ever had their prayers answered," laughs Cam. "She was a bitch, but you know... Kinda sad she's dead and that."

The laughter dies as the funny kind of gets stomped by the sombre memories. Judy used to make us say prayer's each night before we went to bed after a sleepover. Her husband, Tony was a minister, so it was a kind of an expected thing.

And damnit, I can't help laughing at the memories. Jacinta hated Olivia. "She's so stupid with her stupid tits and her stupid hair and her stupid hahaha, ooh Briney, ah Briney..." Every bedtime prayer included a tacked-on wish for Olivia's death.

These sleepovers never had an agenda. We sort of just did our own stuff around each other. Right now, I watch Cam and Sin shopping. Cam has her i-pad out and they are browsing an adult site, searching for 'extra large dildos'. Every now and then they pass it to Sandy and wow, she blushes so easily.

"Answer yes or no." I told Sandy earlier. "He freely gave you his Mastercard."

"Yes." She rolled her eyes.

"He told you to, I quote, 'do a little shopping, spoil yourself'."

"Yes."

"Is this not 'shopping'?"

"Yes." She groans.

"Does the idea of him having a large box of dildos delivered to his workplace, not make you feel a little spoiled?"

She laughed and said, "Ooh! The anal intruder! It looks like a, oh god it IS a fist."

We've already had their car towed from where it was parked outside the motel, he was fucking the bimbo in. Georgia came up with that one.

"Hi, this is Sandra Bickman. I've locked my keys in my car. It's parked at the 'Cosy Inn' at... bla bla..." Georgia charged the fifteen-hundred-dollar tow fee to his card as well. It's registered in both names so technically it's not stealing, I advised them.

"God Damn Mutherfucker. Look at that fucking thing. It must feel like having a baby." Sin blurts.

"Hell yeah bitches." Sandy may have had a couple of coolers.

"Are there any more corn chips?" Asks the new girl. She's lovely. She was so shy about being invited to the sleepover. She refused at first, but Cam talked her into it. She has such a sad story. We were probably cruel with our probing questions, but we got it all out of her. Along with tears, hugs and three dares and a kiss.

Her first dare was to show us her nipples. It was my idea. Her skin is so pretty that I just wanted to know what colour her nipples were. They, for the record your honour, are a beautiful dark tan. The same colour you would expect the dusting on your favourite coffee coloured drink to be.

Her second dare was to go to the balcony and flash those beautiful 'c' for coffee coloured cups to the entire Sunshine Coast outside. She was such a sport.

Then it was the kiss. I'm not bi, but god damn, jungles are not the only things that get hot and wet! Watching her and Cam snog for us was so hot. I really loved how they both blushed when they remembered we were in the room.

Her last dare was to go and flash her boobs at the BFG. That one needed picture proof.

He stood beside her for the photo and kissed her on her pretty head while he cuddled an arm around her. He was always our safe place.

I didn't have any brothers. Just two bitchy sisters. My father was a policeman and very strict. So, this warm friendly safe thing that was Brian was novel and special. He taught me to kiss you know? It was a dare but one that I had told Cam I wanted. Sin wasn't very happy about it but Judy talked her around.

I was fifteen and it was after his accident, so he was almost twenty.

"It won't go any further. I'll be right here. She has a boyfriend now and doesn't want to mess it up. So just let her try." She told Brian and Sin sternly. Then we kissed and I think I had my first... never mind. Sin didn't talk to me for a week. She was the only one allowed to peck him on the lips.

I've spoken with the others and we're deliberately trying to take the pressure off Sin. She knows it's coming. She is so cagey and nervous, but we love her and we're using Sandy's hiccup to ease it in.

I say 'hiccup' because we all hated Brad from the start. He was a controlling, pretty boy.

"Go on, bitch. Click the fucking pay now button." Sin laughs.

"But it's almost five hundred dollars." Sandy objects.

"I think it sends the perfect message." I add encouragement.

"Sure does. 'Here, go fuck yourself'." Sin agrees.

Sandy hands the i-pad back after finalising the delivery options.

"Plain wrapping not required. Signature upon delivery is required. Leave at front counter if unattended." She laughs.

Sin's face darkens as she takes the i-pad and taps on it. Then she stands and looks at it privately for a few moments before clearing her throat and saying, "Ahem... I'm going to check on Tony. I'll be back in about ten minutes or so all going well. Watch this." She props the i-pad up on the breakfast counter and there's an audible murmur around the room as we see the loading screen.

Sin's face is scarlet. There are tears in her eyes, but she continues, "This will answer some questions and probably raise quite a few. I love you guys. Please don't be too harsh on me."

The door closes behind her and we all look at the loading screen. A girl, clearly a younger Sin, is standing on a balcony. She is bent over holding the rails, her skirt is raised and a boy's butt is visible. He's obviously fucking her and her hand is held out in a starred shape to try and block her face from view.

"Should we even?" Asks Georgia quietly.

"She asked us to." I say and press the triangle icon.

"Haha, check this crazy fucking chick man." Laughs a boy who turns the camera to his own face and continues, "Fucking loving it man." He turns the camera back and we see the other boy really pumping hard behind Sin. He high fives the camera boy.

"That's those Downlands boys. Isn't that the one you fucked Liz?"

"The one with the camera, yeah." I agree. "That was our first nigh-"

I'm silenced as I watch camera guy point the camera down at his own dick which he offers for Sin to suck. She tries to hide her face with her hand but we can clearly see her start bobbing on his dick. Other voices in the background hoot and cheer. Then the camera turns back to the boy taking her from behind.

He slams once, twice, three times and freezes, obviously ejaculating. Then he pulls out and smiles at the camera showing it the full condom he's just removed. "You know the rules boys, no glove, no love. Who's up?"

He gives Sin's bum a quick slap and takes a beer from a boy who walks into the frame rolling a condom onto his dick.

"Yuck. Don't do it Sin." Cries Sandy. "Not the fat pimply one."

"Eww. That's so nasty." Cam agrees as fat boy pushes his dick into her and starts fucking away like a rabbit. Camera boy points the camera back at Sin to catch the moment he splashes cum all over her hair. With his dick spent, he backs away and sits down still pointing the camera at Sin and the fat boy.

Sin gestures to someone and says, "Drink please."

They hand her a red vodka drink and she sips at it as fat boy humps away. The hand that offered her the drink now offers her a hard dick but she shakes her head and flicks at her clit obviously chasing an orgasm for herself.

We watch silently for another few minutes as she takes another boy from behind and then moves over to ride one guy cowgirl on the sunlounge. I've lost count of how many times the different boys have fucked her and how many times she's announced her orgasms. The boys keep her supplied with alcohol and cheer her efforts on. The commentary by camera guy is crass at least and borderline creepy.

Then we all speak a communal, "Oh fuck."

The camera boy turns the camera toward the inside of the unit. Sitting on the couch with his head in his hands is Brian. "Ha. Check this out. Some dude is sitting there watching. Is he like your brother or something?" he asks turning the camera back to Sin who has given up trying to hide her face.

"Some, thing, he's, my, some, thing." Sin says angrily in time with her grinding on the boy's dick.

"Well, I think I've seen plenty, guys." Georgia says and stands to head out onto our balcony.

"Me too." I agree and turn off the video.

"That was hot!" Says Tamara. "I've always fantasized about a gangbang but never had the guts to go through with it."

"Yeah um, Tammy darlin, that was just wrong. Poor Brian." Cam pulls out her phone and starts tapping away furiously.

"Sorry. Just saying." Tamara pats Cams head and stands to fetch drinks for us all. I just sit and try to get my head around it all. When did that even happen? She was like a goody two shoes all week. Just clung to Brian as usual and well she partied on the beach with us but she wasn't hooking up like we all were. Jesus. I never thought she had that in her.

I take my drink from Tamara and join Georgia on the balcony.

"Hey sugar, that was confronting." Georgia greets me.

"At least." Sandy agrees with her.

"We all got a little crazy." I tell them. "I hooked up like ten times in seven days. It's not like I'm any better."

"Yeah but not all at once." Sandy says.

"You had a threesome on the beach, shoogs." Georgia laughs.

"Oh yeah. I forgot. Those two exchange students."

Part nervous tension and part remembered shenanigans lets us all laugh for a moment.

"Poor Brian." Cam says leading Tamara out by the hand. "Remember the rules?"

"Rules? Oh yeah. You made him swear to rules because you were worried he'd cramp your style."

"That was back in high school when we started going to parties. Mum always made him tag along to look after us." Cam says. "Look."

She hands us her phone where it's open to messenger and I read the following exchange to Georgia and Sandy.

[what the fuck bro? why didn't you tell us?]

[Not my story to tell.]

[So why did you just sit there? You could have thrown them out or locked her in her room or something.]

[Rule 2. Their bodies, their choice.]

[Fuck that but why watch even? That must have been killing you.]

[Rule 1...]

[I love you bro. I'm so sorry.]

[A long time ago now. Nothing for anyone to be sorry for.]

"Keep them safe." Says Sandy. "Rule one. Always keep them safe. He would have had to sit and watch. Sin was on the balcony with strangers..."

"And she was his... his..." Georgia is actually crying for him. "That's so..."

Tamara moves to hug her and collectively we hear the door open and close and turn to watch a nodding Sin.

"Shh." She signs and says. "I'm going to need a very strong drink and then please, please, please be gentle on me. I've spent five years beating myself up. There's not much else you could say or do to make me feel worse. Give me a few minutes before you start the inquisition, okay?"

We all sort of nod and move back inside to find places on the couch and watch silently as a very thoughtful looking Sin pours herself a shot of vodka and takes a red vodka premix from the fridge. She eyes it carefully, places it on the counter, downs her shot and brings the red drink and a chair to sit directly in front of us.

"Fire away." She hangs her head.

"Why... Why didn't you tell one of us, sugar? It's been five years." Georgia's empathy has always been her most remarkable personal quality. "You've carried this around with you for five years. We're your friends."

Sin lifts her head. She's crying silently. She opens her red drink and sips at it.

"I haven't been able to stomach the taste of these for five years. They always made me want to puke. The same thing happened any time one of you pried."

"When did that even happen?" Cam asks a little angrily.

"Yup." Sin nods. "You were who I was most afraid of. I hurt your brother."

She sips her drink again.

"At least you could answer me, or do you want KDT, bitch?" The edge to Cam's voice is rising quickly.

"Thursday night. The night before I left. You'd all gone to the beach party down near the loo with a view." Sin wipes her eyes and lifts them to Cam's.

"I thought you and the BFG went to Underwater World on one of your playdates. How the fuck did that turn into a gangbang on the unit's balcony? Fucking hell Sin." Cam stands and walks outside for a moment. We sit and wait while she paces and gathers herself.

A few minutes later she comes back inside. "Sorry Sin. I'm hurting for Brian. Does anyone want another drink?" We shake our heads. Our drinks have been mostly forgotten. She returns with a drink and sits again. "So I guess I asked, how did you go from playdate to gangbang?"

Sin nods and blushes. "I got angry at him at underwater world. You know how I get too lit."

"Like a whole box of redheads." Laughs Sandy.

"A brand of matches. Lit like a box of matches." Sandy explains to the puzzled Tamara.

"And what? You just like got the shits and fucked some guys? Come on Sin. That's dodgeball and you're gonna pay KDT on that one. Choose sugar." Georgia smirks.

"Fuck..." Sin groans. "Torture."

"What the fuck?" laughs Cam. "You always go straight for kiss."

"Can you see how that might be a fucking problem now, Camille!" Sin snaps. "Sorry. It hurts."

"Hmm..." Cam acknowledges. "Okay well I think your torture should be a kiss."

We all watched questioningly for Cam to present her torture idea for a vote.

"Where?" Sin asked wiping her eyes.

"Lips. It was always lips for you. No-one else was allowed to kiss him on the lips, you jealous bitch. Not even me and he's my brother. So go. Kiss him on the lips."

It sounded so cruel to me. But maybe the awkward might help with some kind of reconciliation. I hesitated for long seconds while the others waited for me to raise my hand.

"Facetime." Cam added, picking up her i-pad and shaking her head at the frozen video frame. "Go on then."

My heart broke for Sin. I could see the shame etched on her face. This old game that she was so damn good at was being used against her. In the old days, if you chose "Kiss", you had to go and kiss the BFG. The group decided 'where' and you had to take a picture of your lipstick in that location. It was little girl fun. Things like elbows and knees and toes and cheeks. That sort of naïve innocent game.

Because Sin had a massive crush on Brian, it was always fun to tease her by making her kiss him on the lips. It took us years to work out that she loved it. And now her eyes flit nervously as she opens her phone and joins our group video call.

We all watch our devices intently and see the motel hallway, then his door. She knocks and he opens.

"Come in." He signs. "Dare. Torture."

"Kiss." She says and my heart melts as his face lights up.

"Where?" he signs.

She nervously points at his lips. She swaps hands, putting the phone in her left and it wobbles as she must be putting on her lipstick.

"You don't have to." She says. "I'll do the dare if you like."

We all laugh as she's picked up and swung around to sit down on his lap on the couch with him. She even giggles a bit.

"You've never gone to a dare. Don't start now." He signs to her and she holds the phone out for us all to watch him pull her face to his and gently kiss her on the lips. Time sort of stands still for us back in our unit as their lips press together. I know I'm holding my breath.

Then suddenly she's up and running. The facetime call is just all walls and floor and movement. She bursts through our doors and runs to the bedroom and closes the door.

"It was your idea, Camille. I think you can go fix your mess now." I tell Cam.

Cam nods and carefully opens the door. Sin's sobs are heartbreaking. It's almost five minutes before they settle and we hear quiet conversation. Then Cam returns and Sin beelines for the bathroom to fix herself. She sits back down on her chair in the middle of the room looking horribly broken and afraid.