All Comments on 'The Bookstore (Prequel)'

Amazing! Can't wait for this story to develop, I already crave the next chapter. The setting is intriguing and the characters are both mysterious but well described.

The only thing, you seem to jump from narrating in third person to narrating in first person quite randomly and unexpectedly in the story. Sentences like "she spread my legs and bent over so her head was pressed against my comforter" make no sense and are very confusing, if you intended to say "her legs" and "her comforter". If you need an editor I'd be happy to help!

I see what you did there switching narrators. Pretty fucking wild thing to do. You've got something there with that. Turn it up and down with her pulse for sure. Incredible technique. Obviously a hot fucking sorry too, as an afterthought.

Some tense and pronoun errors are truly mistakes and there is a correction pending. Some issues in the last few paragraphs were due to changing perspective multiple times in 1 edit then posting while tipsy. :P

Others... well... not so much. I am taking indecent liberties with grammar. Faro is my spirit guide. I hope you enjoy her erotic shenanigans.