The Boyfriend Pt. 62

The Boyfriend Part LXII: Cherry

Liam

Blake was just putting the finishing touches on her makeup as her phone started to buzz. She hesitated, looking down to see who it was, then smiled and answered the call, putting it on speaker before focusing her attention on the mirror once more.

"Hey! Give me just a sec, okay?"

"Sure."

Blakes smiled at the sound of her boyfriend's voice, then took a deep breath and peered at her reflection, keeping her hands steady as she applied the last bit of eyeliner, making a little wing tip at the end. She was tempted to turn it into a snowflake, but she hadn't practiced that enough, and it could very easily go wrong. And, given the fact that the area surrounding her cheeks and eyes was already covered in quite a bit of makeup, she didn't want to have to do all of that again. Not when she only had about half an hour left until her show.

Holiday season was essentially over. For Blake, at least. Now, she was into winter, which meant lots of pretty blues and whites and grays, and occasionally a little bit of violet. That was what Chloe had told her, at least, and so far, her advice seemed to be working. Blakes viewers were loving her outfits and decor, and Blake found she loved it too. Decorating herself and her room at the house had proved both a nice distraction and form of stress relief with everything else she was juggling.

"OK, done!"

"What were you doing?"

"Finishing my makeup. I look like a winter fucking fairy princess. I'll make sure to send you a few pictures later. Not all of them will be naughty, though. Some of them will just be cute."

Liam snorted, " either one of those are completely fine for me."

Blake frowned at that. Not Liam's words, but...

"I miss you. A lot."

"I miss you, too."

Blake's frown deepened. Despite the warmth in his voice, that shade of...somethingwas still there. She didn't like that Liam was keeping things from her, but then, this wasn't exactly lying, and even if it was, she was guilty of doing the same. It made her heart hurt. She wanted to help but didn't know how. She knew that if she let Liam in that he would probably open up, but she couldn't bring herself to open up about everything that was going on with her and her dad.

Why can't I just tell him?

Even with everything she'd worked through with Dr. Cardaso, Blake found her throat closing up, tongue growing stiff when she tried to form the words. That little voice, that fear of rejection, was still there and it held her in a tighter grip than she'd realized.

Taking a deep breath, Blake ran her fingers through her hair, "What's up? I've got a show soon."

She winced as soon as the words left her mouth. They'd come off sharper than she'd meant.

"Is everything alright?"

Blake blinked, feeling a bit weird at the idea of him asking to share, when he wasn't willing to do the same.

Before she could say anything she might have regretted, a sneeze worked its way through her face, and she barely had time 2 turn away from the phone and her makeup kit before sneezing all over the place.

"Okay, now I mean that in two ways."

Blake took another deep breath. She wasn't in the mood to talk about things in general, and that wouldn't exactly put her in the right mood before her show.

"Would you believe me if I said that being away from you for so long has made me physically ill?" she asked, making sure she heard the smirk in her voice.

He didn't respond immediately, "Blake, seriously. What's going on?"

Why was he being like this?

"What do you mean?"

"Why are you holding back? Not answering me and acting like cherry instead of Blake?"

Blake stiffened at that, "Well, what's that supposed to mean?"

Liam's side made her need to flex her fingers, "I didn't mean to upset you. I just meant that you were acting all flirty instead of being real with me. I want to talk to my girlfriend."

Even though a part of Blake's mind told her that Liam didn't mean anything by that, that she was just overthinking things, the spike of anger and hurt that Liam's words sent through her made her ignore everything else.

"You are talking to your girlfriend, Liam. I'm cherry just as much as I am Blake."

I thought occurred to her, and in this mood, she couldn't help but voice it, " is that how you think of things? How you're OK with what I do? That when you see me on a screen, it's not me, it's just Cherry? How does that work when you watch my shows, then? When I put on a show for you? Is that someone else doing that for you?"

"Blake, you know that's not—"

"No, apparently I don't."

She took a sharper breath in and out, then spoke before he could try saying anything else, "I'll talk to you later. Cherry has a show to get ready for, and I better not catch you in her room."

Without waiting for a response, Blake ended the call and tossed the phone onto her bed.

Then she sneezed again. Loud enough that if she'd been at her grandparent's house, they'd probably have yelled up asking if she was OK. Gross enough, that she needed to go get a tissue. Or two.

Once she blew her nose a few times, when saying at how sensitive it was, and doing her best not to smudge or wipe away any of her makeup, she glanced over at her mirror again, catching her reflection.

Add a little winter fairy in sheer blue leggings and a matching baby doll with a white bow around her shoulders and sparkling blue, violet, and gray on her cheeks, with little white dots for stars and smoky blue eyes with long lashes, gazed back at her.

Blake didn't feel like a winter fairy fucking princess anymore. She didn't feel like that girl in the mirror.

Why the fuck did I say that?

She'd known—she knew—Liam hadn't meant things that way, but him not sharing what was eating him with her, and then asking her to do just that, had hurt.

And apparently, I'm such a fucking mess that it just goes all the fuck downhill from there.

Thinking about that, made Blake think back to that day just before break when she'd been recognized, and how she'd acted then.

She took a deep breath, trying to push those feelings away, but it didn't work, and she sank down to her heels, wrapping her arms around her knees as those memories and emotions returned to her, washing over her like a thick smoke. Liam hadn't been all the way in line, but she'd accepted that he hadn't been as out of line as she'd initially thought. All because she hadn't been willing to accept that it was okay to let him help with that part of her life. And now she was keeping another part from him.

Am I really that scared of opening up—that he'll reject me—that I would rather snap at him and make both of us feel awful?

Blake sneezed again, then groaned when her alarm went off a moment later.

She felt like absolute garbage, and it was just the latest instance of a handful of times like this that had occurred over the last few weeks.

And I can't even call Chloe or Dr. Cardaso to talk about it, because I have to finish getting ready for my stupid show.

Show she couldn't cancel because she needed the money. Because she had other plans for what her mom had left her, and none of those plans involved taking a handout, especially not from her.

Taking a deep breath and hugging herself extra tight, Blake did her best to clear her mind, and force herself to her feet.

As she walked over to turn off her phone, then ensure that her laptop and camera were set up properly, Blake realized that what she'd said to Liam had been a bit truer than she thought. She was both Blake and cherry. She didn't really want to be either one right now, but not for the first time, it was way easier to be cherry than it was to be Blake.

A/N: Distance usually isn't the problem, it just is really good at complicating existing ones. How bad do you think this is going to get? You dudes get two this weekend!