All Comments on 'The Brown Mare Pt. 02'

Nice story. Good slow buildup as we get to know Rosa and Jenna. Really well presented with a simmering eroticism instead of big rush to MC.

You laid the groundwork with thought and patience. Because of that I am very interested in what happens with our two cops. Keep up the great work.

Really liked how Luccstar developed Jenna and Rosa and their stories in the first chapter. We really get to know them and it makes the story so much more interesting.

Also some really good subtle writing in this chapter. At the gym the more staid, in control Jenna senses something amiss. But the extroverted, more outgoing, bubbly, adventurous Rosa thinks everything is fine. It would stand to reason the hypnotic influence would hit her faster and harder because of her personality, than it would Jenna. This was a really good touch by Luccstar.

I hope he/she continues to develop on that difference between the two partners as the story continues.

Very good job. Looking forward to where this goes.

So far so good, but you need to proof read it. Silly spelling mistakes that distract from the story.

A Rod tells them they will be in the same classes....for the first week. I wonder if after that they will be separated. Divide and conquer. Less dangerous that way and the smart move. The girls can be changed in ways and the other won't know a thing about it. Could even start to drive the police partners apart. If this happens I also suspect that Rosa will end up in the more 'advanced' class. She seems to be taking to the conditioning faster, thinking nothing was wrong with the club while Jenna was suspicious and seemed more resistant.

This second chapter send to be quite an interesting read compared to the first will look out for more.