All Comments on 'The Game'

Not a good sign when there's a typo in the very fist line!

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Don't use second person. You don't know me, and I certainly don't have a pussy!

You, you, you, you... way too many. Recommend an editor. Try to work on a continuous flow, your writing is more like trying to connect individual sentences. Its good you are trying and best wishes with your upcoming stories.

Please accept this as constructive criticism. I've taken the trouble to write a review because I want to encourage, not discourage, creative writers. Ok, you have written ALL of this in the Third person. ie From the Point of View (POV) of an observer. Meaning you are describing what an invisible eye sees and hears. A major problem with that is that you cannot then write about what a person is THINKING as you are an observer and not from the POV of a First Person.

This means that, the way you have written it, cannot exist in reality. Try writing from the POV of one of the main characters. eg Then you can write what that person is thinking and seeing and feeling. Once you are more experienced you can intersperse First and Third person viewpoints. Cheers.

You you you you you you you you aaaaahhhhhh

Captcha

I thought it was pretty good for a first Effort

I'm pretty sure he will take on board most of the constructive criticism and learn from them

145 stories with the same stupid title AND it's in 2nd person. Easy and automatic rating of 1.

"Below is a fantasy for wife wife". And it went downhill from there. A hotwife is just a polite way of calling a women a cheating slut. Who would touch her with a ten foot pole?

No whorewife without a cuck somewhere.