by shivadancer
Keep it up! Story tellers improve over time, and I see your power is growing. Keep writing (and ignore the anonymous complaints)!
DOUG out
Have you swallowed a dictionary by any chance? No storyline, no drama not particularly interesting.
I suppose this was a really hot fantasy for you, since you wrote it. I am equally sure some are going to like it a lot.
Just too much wrapper and not enough candy for the mood Im in tonight. Sorry.
Were you trying to impress us with your vocabulary. Try writing like you would talk not with a bunch of $10 words that don't mean anything without a story line.
Or an ending? This felt like group sex - NOT LW. Badly and weirdly done.