All Comments on 'The Thralls of the Wyvern's Bane'

Loved the story. Just not a fan of the male on male.

Loved the story. i hope there's more to this story.

Great story. Hopefully you’ll add a few more chapters.

The story and concept was different and good. But seriously, You need to edit/ proofread. A number of occasions you lost track of which of your characters were talking. You mixed up Christ and Oliver more than once. Its really hard to follow when you do that. I also didnt care for the male and male. You also seemed to keep changing your mind. Saying you wanted to keep this girl only for yourself... then sharing/ giving her to a couple for the afternoon. Sloppy.

Overall a good story. Difficult area mind control, and you handled it well. Have to agree with Master Doctor about the errors; they spoil the readability. Areola is singular, with areolae the correct plural and areolas becoming accepted. I’d have been happier with the male male kept distant as you started.

A few editing issues, but a fine story overall. I like the flow and pacing. The switch to George’s fortune was a bit unexpected, as I was assuming that Julie’s dad would become the benefactor. This will probably work out better. It might make for some interesting intrigue if some of George’s associates wonder at the rapid changes, but it’s your story, so go with it.

5*

Tc

Agree with previous comments, few minor errors with mixed names and some spelling errors. Overall a fun read. Good pace. Not too short but not excessively long and drawn out. Some indecisiveness in character developments. But can't wait for the next chapter. If you are in need of an editor, I'd be willing to work with you. Just drop me a mail from my profile. I'd prefer to get with a new author like yourself, so we could work as a team.