by Solo1974
You've expressed the action very well, and you're using dialogue to both drive and describe the sexual activity, which is a skill that many "erotic" writers never learn. But I do have a couple of "huh?" moments.
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The biggest one is f*cking 4 times in 1 hour. Not only is it a physical impossibility, but the actions you described couldn't be completed in less than 3-4 hours. If they spent 3-4 hours humping in a hotel and still performed their errands, they didn't get home before dinnertime. And what about the bite marks? If she's wearing a sundress, it isn't just her narrating husband that's oblivious--it's her whole family.
Family activities like weddings are like atoms: they have concentric rings of electrons that circulate with varied levels of importance and involvement. The innermost ring is constantly involved with the planning; the second ring is sometimes involved and the outer ring is only there as needed. Those outer guys (typically husbands) and kids without planned activities are all bored silly. If Uncle Reuben is the only one to pick up on the interplay between Jane and Roy, she is lucky.
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BTW, I can't believe I'm the first to tell you, but the word "half" literally means "one of two equal parts that when taken together make the whole". This is part two, but it doesn't complete the whole story, so it isn't "the second half".
This doesn't bother me (other than the misuse of the word), but some readers will not read a serialized story until it's entirely posted...they like to binge read the entire series to give the characters and action a sense of flow. Since you've misled those readers they're likely to ding your score a little.
This was pretty good but I find it hard to believe that a 45 yr old woman would ask for a baby. Not only are there health complications but there are also other issues to consider.
Just another predictable cheating slag. In reality her husband would have found it out a long time ago.
She's not much of a loving wife when she doesn't even appear to know her own husband's name...
Sorry, but with the husband being a non-character in the story, it lacks the marital drama that defines an actual Loving Wives story. This is just a bad Erotic Encounters story that happens to involve a married woman.
Hard to top the infantility these cartoon characters are drawn. Takes idiotic strength to want to waste more time in reading the next botched crap.
Don’t bother
Captcha
Another hot cheating story at a wedding. Known a bunch of guys that hooked up on wedding weekends and at the wedding itself with married women of various ages with their husbands they’re under his nose. One dude had the brides mom. He had her three times in two days and once the wedding night . He had her after drinking a heavy load go kiss her husband before she drank anything as he watched . A few guys also continue to fuck them after the first few times . Another lived in a different city and she traveled for business. A four day weekend him and his roommate fucked their friends mother like a porn star every way possible. The video and pics were crazy . She walked funny and told her family she pulled her back when she got home
my only complaint is an inability to maintain continuity in labelling... almost missed this because I'd already read Unintentional Affair Chapters 1-3... then noticed this was PART II. but internally in this part instead of chapters 4-8 it falls to 'part' 5 through 8...
Keep it coming, but watch the labels
(ad if that's my complaint, it's a great read!)
RA