Tim Me 01

"Hah! This isn't what I call a fair trade, Lita! I see what I see in the window displays and this isn't a fair trade! You should have offered to help me make Jell-O shots and you should have included a box of milk chocolate with sprinkles poppy stick snacks, Lita!"

[Whoosh, another box from the backpack]

"Hah! Melt, Tim Me! Melt and keep this small canister [swish] of loose sprinkles handy for when you finally suck off your Condo lawncare guy! I mean, Kevin will get what he wants from you and you can sprinkle these [shakes the canister of sprinkles] on his weed whacker and everybody is happy!"

"Lita, I'm going to pass out!"

"[Mwah] pass out later, Tim Me, we need your credit card tonight for those two medieval outfits in the window display first, but then you can melt and pass out! And I just texted Kevin and told him that you needed midnight help with making Jell-O shots, so?????"

[Shakes sprinkles canister as she shoves them into the glove box]

Well, I mean, well.

[BDSM Leather Shop, I mean, Sexy Leather Shop door chime, jingle, jangle]

"Holy villain stuff, snap!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Tim Me, stay close to the cash register, I mean, look around. Nadine has a villain red leather jacket around here somewhere for you, so, Tim Me sweetie, what do you think of those two display leather outfits for Marta and myself at the Midsummer, Medieval, After Dark Festival then, hmm?"

"Oh, well, those will be a big hit alright and Mrs. Bentley will go crazy over them, but, um, well??"

"Oh, we're trying them on right now, for sure, pervert! Oh, Nadine, um, keep him busy with that villain jacket that you special ordered for him and give him Suzie's medieval outfit while we try the outfits on, ahem, again, so?"

So, well, I mean, the dressing rooms were in the rear corner and hidden a little bit and had all these mirrors, so, well, I'm a villain, so I watched! With Nadine the sales girl right there with me, so it was legit.

"I mean, shoot, those outfits will be a big hit tomorrow night, Nadine, but where are the leather skirts that goes over or under the leather flippy flappy strappy thingy things that surround the waist then, hmm?"

"Those leather flippy flappy strappy thingy things are the skirts, Tim Me, so?"

"Oh, um, well, that will be a really big hit then. But I really like the shiny studs in the upper area. They are like two villain triangles with three shiny studs each and in the perfect place on the girls!"

"Oh, those are the convertible, well, those triangles double as a Peek-A-Boo top too, Tim Me, so."

"Oh, and circling back to the leather flippy flappy strappy thingy things of a skirt, I mean, does it come with modesty undies then?"

"Meh, they will figure it out and since the Midsummer, Medieval, After Dark Festival is actually after dark, well, your gold digger friend's will figure it out, so, can I divert your attention long enough to slip this deep red leather jacket on you then, Tim Me, huh?"

[Ahh, it's hypnotizing to watch the leather flippy flappy strappy thingy things flaying all about]

"Or we can ogle and gawk at your hot Latino honey glazed bunnies!"

"Oh, oh, yeah, a jacket, um, yeah, um, um, they have..."

[Boing boing, poke, boing]

"Cheeky thong bikini beach booties? Yep, times two."

"And most of it is..."

"Visible through the leather flippy flappy strappy thingy things of a skirt? Yep, times ooh la, la."

"And when they move..."

"Yep, they make playing hide and seek fun again. Oh, yep, times a crowd of lurkers through the front windows for a preview of what's coming to the Midsummer, Medieval, After Dark Festival tomorrow night, so?"

"Nadine, I'm going to pass out!"

[Boing, poke, poke, boing] I'm just thrilled that women still have your interest, Tim Me, but don't pass out until I have your credit card, okay?"

[Swish, flip, twirling helicopter credit card]

"[Snatches the helicopter flying credit card in mid-flight] got it, LOL, give him a helicopter twirling of your leather flippy flappy strappy thingy things ladies to show off those beach booty cheeks so he passes out while I go all "Cha-Ching" and stuff at the register! And don't tell him that his lawncare guy, Kevin, is my step brother for a few days, but I do approve, so."

[Holy helicopter twirling leather flippy flappy strappy thingy things twirls! And beach booties!]

Yeah, I passed out. But my new red leather villain jacket softened my fall. It did not. I guess my story is as much about people passing out as anything else.

"(Groggy wake up) oh, what's happening then, Nadine?"

"Oh, I'm just rolling and tucking your cuffs inside of your sleeves, Tim Me, I mean, shorter sleeves are more villain like, so?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I knew that and I was going to that anyways, so, where are Lita and Marta then? OMG, they aren't helicoptering on the sidewalk of the Strip, are they? How long was I passed out, Nadine?"

"LOL, hell no! The Strip police grounded those two helicopters quick! And my shop got even more noticed, so, yay for flying and flaying in the breeze medieval leather flippy flappy strappy thingy things! Anyways, they took your truck and went to deliver Suzie's outfit to her in person, which, wow, I had to wait on an entire cargo ship loaded with fine Italian leather to finish her outfit, but listen, I texted my step brother, Kevin, to give you a ride home and by the way, I know nothing! Well, I know that Lita gave me this little canister of sprinkles to slip into Kevin's SUV, but other than that, I know nothing! Oh, well, I guess I know that Kevin just pulled up, so. Oh, and then something about making a batch of red Jell-O shots together? I mean, I really don't know anything, oh, well, I might know that you should stick with your Denim because leather shorts don't suit you, so. Oh, and I know that a kitchen mixer is for mixing Jell-O shots mix, not my step brothers weed whacker! Not that I know anything, so. Oh, and maybe I know that you're on the plus side of being able to wear a leotard without modestly cut shorts, so."

"Nadine, how long was I passed out for?"

[BDSM Sexy Leather Shop door chime jingle, jangle]

"Oops, never mind, Nadine! Hey there, hey, Kevin the lawncare guy!"

"Hmm! Here, these three leather bands go with the three medieval leather outfits, so deliver them, please."

I mean, Lita and Marta left me behind, so I was a damsel in distress, right?

"Oh, Kevin, I never thought that you would have another truck from your work truck, so this is nice. And clean, um, to the Pizza Shop then for a drop off, hmm?"

[Pulls over into a parking spot on the way. At request of Tim Me]

"One of these days, Kevin!"

[Mwah, ummah, smack, oomph]

"And that day can't come soon enough, Tim Me!"

[Mwah, ummah, smack, oomph]

"Whew, that's enough for now, Kevin! Your girlfriend passed by us in her car without noticing who was swapping tongue drool, so, we can continue on now, right?"

Well, guys have girlfriends and that's the way that works! I was just surprised that the old get into kissy face mode to hide the face thing worked! It did not. But since I saw Cooper following Amy's bumper so closely while they both drove up the Strip, which I assumed was so he could ride her bumper once, well, it all equaled out into a tie, so.

But what did work was, whew, my villain truck was at the Pizza Shop!

"Kevin, I have it from here, so, what time will you be in the Condo complex to mow the grass then tomorrow, hmm? And I know you need to run to go find Amy before it's too late! I know how things work, so?"

[Mwah, ummah, smack, oomph]

Well, sometimes you don't need words to answer a question then. He clearly said just after my 11am shower and half past my second Jell-O shot lunch, so.

[Pizza Shop door chime jingle, jangle]

"Well then, Tim Me, I heard that you and Nadine had a little fun with how my knockout leather outfit for the Midsummer, Medieval, After Dark Festival was delayed because of a cargo ship delay, so, ha, ha, villain! But I really like it a lot and Mrs. Bentley had better prep herself for a monster of a helicopter spin! Or two hundred, so?"

"Well, I brought the matching headbands, so, well, where is Jimmy J then, hmm?"

"Oh, it's none of your villain business where my Jimmy J is! But he gave Lita and Marta a ride back to their crew hang out spot, which now that I think of it, huh, well, huh, SOB, I just sent my Jimmy J up the Strip with two of best normal size booties on the Strip! Maybe you should go run him down for me! And I mean, if you catch him counting helicopter blades, run his cheating ass down for me, Tim Me!"

Well, I'm pretty sure that Jimmy J wouldn't do any more than to flip both of his hands to help keep the helicopter blades higher in the air, like above the waist line. But only for like five minutes, so.

"Well then, hey, Tim Me!"

"Oh, Zack, don't you ever go on delivery runs, Zack? You always seem to be in the center of everything, except for delivery Pizza, so?"

"You came to see me, Tim Me!"

"I came to the place that you work at, Zack and nothing more!"

"Hah, you came to give Wolfblood one more attempt with me because nobody is taking you seriously as a villain, Time Me!"

"Zack, that's ridiculous! Well, maybe because I'm having a sex affair tomorrow afternoon and I'm not really sure if I did things right a few weeks ago, but to set it straight, well, can I rubber band one of your balls off so I don't choke and gag from a full two nut load? It's not very villain like to choke, gag and spit, so?"

Huh, and I thought only women had that frowny eyes look down to a tee.

Also, shoot, I need another new image quick! I mean, Wolfblood, it's just a myth and as a villain, well, the villain community wasn't going to put up with the way I couldn't handle a guy without passing out and gagging, so, what might be next? I mean, it was too late to come up with anything that might fit into the following day's Midsummer, Medieval, After Dark Festival, but surely, I could come up with something, right?

Like the Court Jester? Or maybe the Blacksmith?

Or maybe just myself. In my new villain red leather jacket that had a black zipper, right?

Because becoming a villain is a process more than an overnight thing.

End Tim Me 01