All Comments on 'To the Cabin'

The first of your writing I’ve read and like how you introduced the two MCs and presented Sabika’s torment/equivocal feelings for Arabella. My comment is less about your writing which is very good in my opinion, rather the direction you took the storyline — hey, you are the author, your story and it plays out just as one might imagine. I believe the storyline would have benefited from more about Arabella “coming out” family crisis and maybe more development of Sabika’s love/hate, and as a near hopeless romantic would have enjoyed Arabella awakening in a more conventionally romantic way rather than the stark s/d setting and Arabella’s tad weird behavior. My way would be a bit sappy, I suppose, but full of opportunity. Just saying. And get that the closing scene takes place at a cabin, but otherwise what is significance of the excursion/cabin — place to consummate her new role/same subjugation (though one she likes)? Will read more of your creative work.

Sigh. I'm not a fan of BDSM, but done well it can be a captivating foundation o relationship dynamics. Comparing lesbian BDSM to a misogynistic, woman-devaluing culture is the nadir of attempting to romanticize it/present it as some profound lesbian connection. Ugh.

I have conflicted feelings on this story. The writing is -very- strong, the most emotionally complex of your work that I've read, and while I don't know if you're speaking from an insider's perspective, the "culture clash" is conveyed in a way that's perhaps tongue-in-cheek but that manages to dodge facile caricature—Sabika's marriage providing an anchor for immigration visas is a compelling plotline, and her lesbian awakening presents a real dilemma regardless of what one thinks of traditionalism. "She's my girlfriend. And I fucking despise her" becomes downright poetic.

Unfortunately, the second-act pivot to hardcore BDSM completely threw me: like Migbird says, we have a -very- narrow window onto the actual relationship with Arabella, and so capping all the complex emotional drama churned in the first half with a sudden plunge into rough sex feels tonally discordant, especially inflicted on a conservative virgin still reeling from fresh trauma. I don't agree with the anon comment that you're trying to draw a -direct- parallel, but the frustration over false equivalency speaks to Sabika's monologue not feeling "earned"—at worst, it comes off as masochism borne of a broader self-deprecation, and all the problematic implications that invites. Were this split into separate chapters with breathing room between, I feel it would go over much more smoothly, rather than what reads as two different stories bolted together.