All Comments on 'Tom and Kayla Ch. 02'

Two suggestions:

1) Don't hold back... go deeper into what's going on between the characters... you cut off the story just as it began to get good.

2) Don't break up your story into tiny little segments. Tell the story and don't make the reader search for more, especially after very little has happened. If your story gets to 4 or 5 pages, go ahead and break, but create a natural stopping point for that "chapter".

You have a good story line and your character development is natural. It's just that the plot hasn't developed very far at this point. Put some more "meat" on that bone and I'll rate your story "five stars". Right now, you get about a 3...