Twin Trouble

"Yes Officer Fensworth," Sheila said, standing up and sorting herself out.

"Yes Officer Fensworth," Joelle echoed, also rearranging her dress to cover herself again.

Marcus regarded the two, then turned his attention to Eric and raised an eyebrow.

"Yes Marcus," Eric said, shoving his cock back in his trousers before turning his attention to the buttons on his shirt (or what ones were left after being aggressively ripped open so often).

"At least they don't have chainsaws this time, Eric," Siobhan said, grinning.

Sheila and Joelle looked at Eric quizzically as they hurriedly dressed themselves.

"It's a long story," Eric muttered as he buttoned up his shirt.

"Glad to see you all being such cooperative citizens," Marcus said. "Now, I'm on duty right now and so's my partner here-"

"Duty-bound I am," Siobhan interjected.

"-but rest assured that mentally we are both high-fiving you three."

"If I weren't on duty I would mention that I love a good threesome," Siobhan said.

"But we are on duty," Marcus said, "so you didn't hear that."

"Of course not, officers," Sheila said, smiling politely as she led Joelle and Eric past. "Have a good day now."

*****

A minute or two down the path they all burst out laughing.

"What the fuck was that about a chainsaw?!?" Sheila asked Eric, wiping away a tear, her accent back to Australian again.

"Ex-girlfriend, apparently," Joelle said, smirking at Eric. She had also switched back to Aussie.

"Long story: I'd be happy to tell you girls sometime," Eric said. "Jesus... what is the time?" Retrieving his phone he checked the screen, to discover that Marcus was quite right: it was 06:14 in the morning. Eric wasn't a stranger to an all-night sex marathon, but he couldn't remember one that ended with police intervention.

Suddenly Sheila snatched his phone from his hand. "Is this the ex?" She asked slyly, pressing on the push notification for Eric's WhatsApp messages. "Wow... eighteen unread messages from Erin? Who's Erin, Eric?"

"Please don't tell me that was your girlfriend," Joelle said, rolling her eyes at the thought. Erin and Eric?

"Erin's not my girlfriend, she's my sister," Eric said.

"That's worse," Joelle said. "What the fuck was wrong with your parents?"

"Right back at you," Eric muttered in reply. He made an attempt for his phone but Sheila made an elegant spin to evade him, during which she, to Eric's horror, unlocked his phone. "How did you-?"

"I was watching you at the bar for ages before you noticed me," Sheila said, thumbs tapping on the screen of his phone. "Why do you guys always give yourself the easiest PIN codes? Jesus... Eric what the fuck is all of this?"

Eric made another attempt to grab his phone, to which Sheila planted her foot on his chest and held him off. "Sheila... I..."

Taking the phone from her sister, Joelle looked at the screen. "Wow... after that wonderful talk of yours earlier about the value of siblings... you've been ghosting your sister for over a week!"

"I've been busy!" Eric protested, although he knew how hollow that excuse sounded.

Taking the phone from Joelle, Sheila tapped the screen and held it up to her ear, while her foot was still planted on Eric's chest (although he wasn't making any effort to fight her).

In the quiet morning air of the park, Eric could hear his sister's voice: "WHAT THE FUCK?!? I tried to contact you all week and you call me at this time in the-"

"Hi, sorry, this isn't Eric," Sheila said. "Your brother's being too much of a giant wet vagina to call you himself, but I'm a sucker for helping sad sacks of shit, so I'm calling on his behalf. I'm Sheila, by the way."

"Erm... nice to meet you Sheila... is Eric there?"

"Listening," Sheila said. "And looking very ashamed of himself, which he should be after that wonderful little speech he made to me and MY sister about how special sisters are. Which I hear now as just projection for his own little insecurities about whatever is going on between you and him."

"That sounds like Eric... what were... no, on second thoughts I... don't want to know what you were doing to my brother at the time..."

"He can tell you himself," Sheila said, finally passing the phone to Eric.

He took it: "Hey Erin... I'm so sorry-"

"Can we talk?" She interrupted. "Please... I just... need to talk to my best friend again."

Eric took a deep breath. "Yeah... of course. Usual place?"

"I would like that... see you at eight? I'll buy you breakfast?"

"I'd love that," Eric said. "See you later." Ending the call he noticed how Sheila and Joelle were looking at him. "Don't do that..."

"They grow up so fast," Sheila said, pretending to wipe away a tear.

"Our little Eric, all acting responsible and mending familial bonds," Joelle said, mimicking her sister's sarcastic behaviour so acutely it was like they were one person.

"Considering what you two have been up to lately, I think you both should shut the fuck up."

"So where's this 'usual place'?" Sheila asked. "Is it close by?"

"Yeah... why?" Eric said, regarding her cautiously.

Sheila bit her lip. Joelle did as well. "Time for a quickie?" Sheila said, slyly.

*****

Having grown up just down the road in the cosy suburban sprawl of Petty Moore, Eric and his younger sister, Erin, made frequent trips into Coytoss on the train in their youths. They quickly made a small fau-fifties-American-diner-esque eatery their favourite haunt; named Rosie Palms, the eatery was a romantic's idea of classic Americana, complete with a long bar that stretched a mint green path from one side to the other, behind which staff in uniforms straight out of an old Hollywood film offered bottomless coffees to any patron; while along the windows were seats so cramped a tall pair like the Winters - Eric at 6'1", and Erin just over an inch shorter - practically had to climb over the seats to wedge themselves in.

"This was easier when we were younger," Eric said, as he had done countless times before after they had both enjoyed late-teen growth spurts.

Erin smiled in agreement. "Yeah... I think my hips are getting too thick for this."

"Stop working out," Eric said, half-jokingly. He was surprised at how fit his sister had gotten in the short time since he had last seen her. In less than a year Erin had packed on the muscle; not in the same ball park as Siobhan Finnigan, who could bench press her police car (possibly), but a far cry from the chubby nerd Erin had been as a teen. "Seriously, you're putting me to shame."

"You only get so far playing football," Erin said, grinning. "You should join Peter and me at the gym sometime."

"I can't get on campus, Erin."

"I'm not talking about the campus gym," Erin said. "CoyFit. I'm on good terms with Logan, the manager - ONE of the managers, sorry. I bet he'll give you a discount if I ask nicely."

"He already gives discounts to H&F employees," Eric said. "Apparently my mate Mark got him off easy on some bullshit charge about a year or two ago. Anyway, why are you going to a pricey gym like CoyFit? You've got a gym on campus, right?"

"Ahhh...." Erin began, and to Eric's astonishment began turning a bright shade of red. "You see I'm banned from the campus gym... after... erm..."

"What happened?"

"Ermmm...." Erin practically began to withdraw into the Tool hoodie she was wearing.

"Erin...?"

"Before I begin," she said, her voice strangely higher pitch than normal, "I want to apologise to you for what I said regarding a certain friend of mine and what you did to her. I am so sorry for all the things I said to you, Eric. I was hurtful, and I hurt you, and for that I apologise. I hope we can go back to being friends, Eric, because I miss you; I miss our talks; I miss the conversations we had; I miss my best friend."

"So do I," Eric said, appreciating his sister's apology despite the odd way she was behaving. "I need to apologise too, Erin. It was wrong of me to cheat on Frankie. She was a good friend to you and I treated her like shit. I'm so sorry, Erin, I didn't mean to cause you any hurt-"

"Oh don't worry about that," Erin said, giving him a dismissive wave. "Water under the bridge and all that. Besides... Frankie says sex with you now is the best she's ever had, even better than when you two were going out. So no harm done! It's all in the past!"

Eric frowned. His sister's voice was still a higher pitch than normal, and she still was a bright red colour. "Erin..."

"Yes?"

"You didn't invite me here just to apologise... did you?"

"Ermmm...."

"You're being very dismissive of my cheating on your friend," Eric said, his frown increasing to a proper lawyer's look of inspection and facial reading. Every movement of his sister's look was being monitored as he spoke. "That's a complete one-eighty from before. I remember how much you screamed at me when you found out."

"I've given it a lot of thought..."

"Oh?"

"And I don't think it's as bad as I made it out to be-"

"Holy shit!" Eric's eyes widened. He sprang forward across the table, causing Erin to jerk back in surprise. "ERIN HAVE YOU CHEATED?!?" He hissed, both in surprise and bemusement.

"WhatTheHellAreYouSayingHowCouldYouEven...YesIhaveDon'tJudge!" Erin squealed.

Eric's eyes were practically bulging from their sockets. "My little sister! My prim and proper little sister! Who wants to marry her childhood sweetheart and have disgusting little nerdy kids with him, has CHEATED!?!"

Leaning forward, her face only a few inches from his now, Erin glowered. "OK! I've cheated on Peter! You don't have to enjoy it THIS much!"

"How can I not? How? With who? When?" Eric said, grinning as he leaned back and draped an arm across the back of the padded red leather seat.

Erin sat up. "So Peter got assigned a dorm with this really hot guy who he - Peter I mean - did not like ONE bit!"

"Yeah, but Peter doesn't get on with anyone more attractive than him, which is a lot of people."

"Not anymore: he's REALLY hot now," Erin said, and there was a twinkle in her eyes as she said that. "Kyle did me a solid getting Peter into the gym."

"Peter? Gym? Please don't tell me Peter Follett has abs now?"

"My fiance has abs now."

"Wait? Fiance? When did THAT happen?!?" Eric frowned. "Jesus! What have I missed? What has this Kyle done to Peter? Wait... is Kyle the guy you cheated on Peter with?"

"Kyle Matthews, yes."

"WHAT?!?" Eric slammed his hand down on the table. "You had sex with my best mate Mark's wife's little brother?"

"I... guess... Kyle doesn't talk about his family much..." Erin said, frowning. "Wow... how odd is that? What are the chances of us both knowing Kyle?"

"I'm not a statistician," Eric said, "but probably really low."

There was a moment between the siblings where both ruminated on the unlikely connections to the same man that each had, connections that, by right, shouldn't exist in a city as large and as diverse as Coytoss, let alone the county of Eroshire itself [and in the hands of a more talented author than me would never have happened in the first place].

"Anyway," Eric said, ending that moment. "So Kyle's turned Peter buff?"

"Part of the agreement so he - Kyle I mean - can keep having sex with me."

"You're STILL cheating on Peter?!?" Eric was practically falling off the seat in shock. "What the fuck has happened to you, Erin? What happened to the little goodie-two-shoes I used to know?!"

Erin smirked. "Guess you rubbed off on me, bro," she said.

"I was a bad example," Eric said, sighing with mock theatricality. "So how are you keeping all of this from Peter?"

"To be honest it was difficult," Erin said, "and Kyle definitely didn't help, but Brad and Ali did lend a hand-"

"Who?"

"Oh, the other guys I'm fucking," Erin said with a dismissive handwave.

Eric raised an eyebrow. "Don't just drop that and expect this conversation to continue without addressing that you're fucking THREE guys behind Peter's back!"

"WAS! I WAS fucking three - well actually, about a half-dozen... don't look at me like that!"

"Jesus Erin, I didn't mean for you to compete with me in the slut olympics!"

"I can't help it! It's like all my anger and frustration has found an outlet!"

"Funny way of explaining that you just like sex," Eric said. "Anyway, what do you mean 'was'?"

"Peter knows."

Eric's eyebrows practically shot through his hairline.

"He likes it," Erin said, with a smug smirk.

"What do you mean 'he likes it'?" Eric said, slowly.

"He likes... watching..." Erin said, twirling a finger in her hair as she obviously avoided going into too much detail on how Peter had become a part of her infidelity.

"How the hell did you two discover that?" Eric said.

"That's quite a story," Erin said, and as she told it Eric had to agree: it was quite a story.

[And one told elsewhere.]

*****

After reconciling with his sister through her new-found slutty side, Eric crashed the moment he finally got home, and when he woke the sun had already begun to set; his workphone was full of messages from colleagues, and Eric decided he better devote some time to actually earning his keep at H&F, devoting the remainder of the evening to his work rather than hopping the fence to see what Xanthe was up to tonight, or randomly calling one of his many booty calls for some fun.

An evening being a good lawyer turned into a week, as the next day Ewa called Eric back to the office to follow up with the Giselle case; unfortunately Giselle herself had gone back to London, leaving Eric with nothing but the work relating to the case to trudge through, and trudge he did for the remainder of the week, will no distractions save for annoying his sisters over WhatsApp, and in person, as Erin and Eric met up twice more at Rosie Palm, enjoying the thick milkshakes as they shared sordid stories in a manner most ill-fitting siblings.

Throughout the week Eric heard nothing from the Carpenter sisters, and while he wasn't badly surprised by it - no stranger to meaningless hook-ups was he - Eric was a little disappointed that neither of them had reached out to him.

Until he realised, with painful observation, that at no point that evening had he given either of them his number: he was confusing his memories of that evening with the moment with Olivia, who he had given his number (and who had called him for some great mutual masturbation over the phone, although hadn't yet managed to gather the courage to meet him in person).

So Eric made the trip to the imposing Carpenter mansion with a peace offering (two, actually), not expecting that the person who would open the imposing front door to be the very woman he had been hoping for (though this type of convenient coincidence was becoming frequent).

"Holy shit," Sheila said when she opened the door to find the man she had fucked until the sun came up with her twin sister almost a week ago. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Sensing more bemusement from her voice than irritation, Eric went ahead with his plan. "You didn't give me your number..."

"I know, I'm a dumbass," Sheila said, grinning. "But you didn't give me yours."

"I'm a dumbass too."

"Apparently, 'cause you're standing here," Sheila said, folding her arms and leaning against the doorframe, a wicked grin on her face. With her blonde hair tied back, and wearing a very sweaty home workout set, she was hot as fuck, and Eric found it difficult to keep eye contact with her. "Guess you found me then..."

"Wasn't too hard."

"Yeah, it's a big house," Sheila sighed. "So you want my number that badly? Have you spent all week thinking about me?"

"Nah, been thinking about your sister."

"You ass," Sheila said, though she was grinning.

"How are things between you two?"

"Good. Very good," Sheila said. "What about you and... Erica?"

"Erin," Eric said. "Yeah... we're good..."

"Good... So... want my number?"

"Yeah, but I also wanted to give you this," Eric said, revealing what he had been hiding behind him throughout the conversation.

Sheila's eyes widened. "Where did you get that?" Taking the adorable cat plushies from him, a look of almost child-like wonder came across her features as she looked at it. "I didn't think they did these anymore!"

"Perks of working at a law firm: someone always owes you a favour when you're a lawyer."

Appearing from behind the other half of the large oak door, Joelle took a closer look at the cat in her sister's hands. "Oh my God! Mr Bigglesworth!"

"Were you hiding behind the door?" Eric asked, incredulous (and yet not, considering what he had learnt of the Carpenter sisters).

"Yes," Joelle said, giving him a wicked smile.

"Good, because I got one for you too," Eric said, revealing his trump card: a second plushie.

Joelle's expression was worth the hassle he went through to get two copies of the exceedingly rare bit of merchandise; she took the plushie from his hands with all the reverence of a believer taking proof of their God's existence.

"How the FUCK did you get two?" Sheila said, watching her sister jerk the plushie like it was talking to her.

"Someone owed me a BIG favour," Eric said. He had no regrets about calling in that favour just to get two toy plushies; these women were wild, and Eric wanted to get on their good side for as much action as he could get.

"Jesus... I... Eric... thanks," Sheila said, and for the second time since he met her, Sheila's face turned to an expression of genuine warmth. "You didn't have to do this..."

"No, but I wanted to," Eric said. "We had a great time."

"We did..." Sheila said, that familiar look of horniness taking over her expression.

"Definitely did..." Joelle said, smiling in an eerily similar way.

"Well... how on earth are we going to repay you for this?" Sheila said, in a manner that said she knew exactly how Eric wanted to be repaid. "Such a gift... we're going to have to repay you for all day..."

Eric smiled. "I'm afraid I can only stay for a few hours: I have a company meeting at two-"

He was cut short when Sheila pulled him over the threshold. Holding his face close to hers, she grinned savagely. "Oh no... ALL day..."

"Don't worry," Joelle whispered in his ear. "You can borrow my laptop for your meeting..."

"We promise not to be too rough when your bosses are talking..."

Eric gulped.

*****

In one of the many large meeting rooms of Hills & Follett, several highly paid lawyers sat at a large, meticulously polished table, ready to begin another meeting regarding the ongoing case in London about the pension theft of thousands of employees. A case that was proving to be a huge money-maker for H&F. While three were sitting at the table, a fourth would be tuning in via the large screen on the wall over Zoom.

"Why's your camera off, Eric?" Ewa asked, frowning at the static picture of Eric's polite smile.

"Erm... damaged it..." Eric said. His voice sounded oddly strained. "Dropped the laptop... I'll order a replacement..."

"OK, that's no problem... Can I ask you to bring us up to speed with the case? I trust that you got the case notes we emailed to your work phone?"

As Eric began to recite the latest developments, sounding more and more strained as he spoke, Ewa turned off his audio to the room and regarded the other two at the table. "Show of hands, folks: do we all think Eric is getting his dick wet right now?"

"Definitely," Grant said, grinning despite himself.

"That is the sound of a man trying not to cum," Katherine said, smiling like a woman who had heard plenty of men trying not to cum. "Should we discipline him for this gross misconduct?"

"We should," Ewa said. "How about we make him do most of the talking?"

"Lets," Grant said.

"Fifty says he blows his load before the fifth page," Katherine said, holding up a bright red note she had pulled out of her purse.