All Comments on 'Vampire 69 on a Park Bench'

Insult your readers and loose them. "What are you still doing here?" WTF is that supposed to mean. Also a little hard to follow, position transitioning needs help. Get an editor and a sense of fanship.

This story was somewhat arousing, despite its flaws. There were a few typos or misspellings, and the last paragraph really was a WTF, perhaps an attempt to be flippant and surprising rather than to insult the reader. A grammar checker or editor would help. Thanks for the first effort, and don't falter -- you can do more and better!