What It Takes

"I know, I'm gonna miss you babe. I'll call you when I'm back in L.A. 'k?" he brushed the hair out of my eyes and ran his hand down my face and around the back of my neck to pull me into our last kiss. I was already missing him.

I stood on my porch and waved him off, not wanting to look like a crazy by watching him drive down the street until I could no longer see the car, even if that's what I wanted to do. I picked up my car keys and went to work.

I walked into HQ humming and smiling, clearly full of the joys of the spring.

I passed one of my co-workers in the corridor "Hey Elle, There's been a delivery for you this morning. I put it on your desk," she said with a wry smile.

I opened the door and there on my desk was a dozen white roses tied with a huge red satin ribbon. My jaw dropped and I nearly did the same with my latte. He'd sent me flowers!

I put down my bag and coffee and picked up the card that was with the flowers. The card was white and had a single red heart on the front, when I opened it up the message read

For My Beautiful English Rose.

Until Seattle...

J xx

My heart soared. He was serious!

The rest of the day was pretty normal. I fobbed off everyone when they questioned me about the flowers. I'd texted to Jerry to say thank you, but he didn't reply, so I guessed he'd switched his phone off before getting on the plane. Seeing as today was also supposed to be a day off, I left early and ran some errands on my way home, finally getting back around 4.00pm.

Closing the front door behind me, I realised that something had changed. This had always been my space, my retreat from the outside world. I'd never shared it with anyone, but now it felt empty without Jerry. I leaned back against the door feeling a bit emotional, but shook my head as I refused to think about what could be happening.

My phone sprang into life as I filled a vase for the roses. I reached into my bag and I held my breath hoping it was going to be Jerry, but it was Lars. 'That's ok,' I thought, I can ask him for the time off to go to Seattle; he wouldn't say no if he was relaxing on a beach sipping margarita. Luckily it was a quick call, he just wanted to know how the meeting had gone and was more than happy for me to take time off, he didn't even ask what for, so no story required yet, that would give me time to concoct a good one.

I hung up and noticed that I had 4 missed calls; my heart skipped a beat when I saw they were all from Jerry. Before I had a chance to call him back it rang again flashing JC as it did. I couldn't be having his name in there, just in case.

"Hey you," I said into the receiver, "how was your flight?"

"Baby! Where've you been? I've been trying to call you," Jerry seemed a bit het up, which surprised me.

"I've been driving with the stereo on loud, sorry honey could'nt've heard the phone. Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, yeah, I just thought you were avoidin' me that's all."

"Seriously?" I laughed, "That doesn't sound like the Jerry Cantrell I know. Thank you for the beautiful flowers, I'm just putting them into water."

"Yeah I saw your message, haven't really worked out that function yet, so I didn't reply. Glad you liked 'em."

"Well I think you'd better get someone to show you how to text Jerry, it will come in very useful when we're in different time zones and I need to tell you that I'm horny."

"Yeah I guess I should work this thing out. Fuck, I miss you already. What are you wearin'?"

I laughed "The same thing I was when you left this morning. I just got in."

"Take your clothes off and tell me about your underwear then."

"Where are you? Somewhere that you can't be interrupted I hope."

"Ah yeah, now that you mention it I'm outside the rehearsal room for a smoke." He chuckled "I just wanna touch you so much right now. I'm getting a hard-on just thinkin' about it."

I knew what he meant; I'd felt the rush of desire in my knickers the second he mentioned touching me. But I guessed now wasn't the time to be pursuing this line of conversation.

"Hey I have some good news. I just spoke with Lars and he gave me time off to come to Seattle on the 16^th."

"That's great! What'dya tell him?"

"Nothing he didn't even ask. I'll think of something nearer the time. I would love to see my cousin whilst I'm there though, can I bring her and her husband to the show too? He'll kill me if I go without him!"

"'Course you can sugar. Am I allowed to meet them?" Jerry teased.

"If you promise to behave..."

"Baby, I gotta go," Jerry cut in. "Sorry. Shall I call you later?"

"No don't worry, you should concentrate on rehearsing, I don't want to see a train wreck in a couple of weeks!"

"Bitch! I'll talk to ya soon. Miss you."

"Yeah I miss you too."

Then he was gone.

I called my cousin Kat next in Seattle to let her know I would be visiting and asked if she wanted to come along to the gig, which she did. I'd decided not to tell her about Jerry until I saw her, but the fact that I refused the offer of her spare room aroused her suspicion and I promised I'd fill her in as soon as we met. Jeez, why could I never keep a damn secret? I wondered then if Jerry had told anyone in L.A. and decided to text him to remind him not to. The reply I got made me smile, it simply read 'K'.

••

The next two weeks dragged by despite the fact we were gearing up for a tour and I was in panic mode over various arrangements. Lars had bought my cock and bull story about my cousin getting the tickets for the gig, he was pretty distracted with rehearsals himself to worry too much about what I was up to. Jerry and I spoke every day even if it was just for a few minutes, his texting skills were coming on well, and he was getting more creative with the messages he was sending me. Nothing was a substitute for the real thing though.

I'd booked myself a room at The Edgewater in Seattle. A bit expensive, but it was the most beautiful place to stay & looking out over the Puget Sound at sunset whilst dangling my legs out the window and sipping a cocktail was my all time favourite thing to do when I was there.

My flight was delayed and I didn't check in to the hotel until gone 5.00pm on the day of the gig. Jerry was pissed off that he wouldn't get to see me before the show as I was meeting Kat & Jack for an early dinner and drinks and we'd had our first row on the telephone as I sat in the back of a taxi from the airport.

"I haven't seen you for two fucking weeks Elle, can't we just have an hour before you meet her?"

I wasn't going to budge on this, there was no way I'd let him think that I was at his beck and call. "No Jerry, I haven't seen her since Christmas, she's my cousin, I'm not blowing her out for you."

"What? 'Blowing her out'? What the fuck are you talkin' 'bout, can't you just speak in English!"

"Jerry I'm not talking to you if you're gonna behave like a child. I'm meeting my cousin at the hotel and that is that."

He hung up on me. I really wanted to call him back, tell him to fuck off and then hang up, but that would've been just as childish. So I took a deep breath and counted to 10. My phone rang almost immediately.

"Sorry," he said straight away. "I'm being a dick. Guess I'm nervous 'bout tonight."

"Jerry, it's going to be great tonight, you will be fine. You could come out and play nursery rhymes and the place would still go crazy for you guys. You're home, they adore you. Don't worry!"

"Yeah I guess, but wow the pressure to be good here of all places is really fuckin' on!"

"I know babe, but you know that as soon as you step out there, it will all change and you'll be lovin' it!" finally he laughed and agreed with me. "So will you call me later or what?" I asked not wanting to mention going backstage, when he was clearly a bit volatile at the moment.

"You definitely not coming back to see me afterwards then? You can bring your cousins y'know..." he didn't sound pissed off, just disappointed.

"Sorry Jer, we had deal though eh? It won't stay a secret very long if I'm there 'cos I won't be able to keep my hands off you!" he sighed deeply and promised to get away as quickly as he could. I wished him luck and said goodbye as my cab pulled up outside the hotel.

I had just enough time to freshen up and get changed before Kat arrived, we decided to have dinner in the hotel and I got to watch my sunset over The Sound drinking a Long Island Iced Tea, while we waited for her husband Jack to arrive. I had a good feeling about tonight despite the argument I'd had with Jerry and as always I was over the moon to be in Seattle.

Over dinner I filled them both in on the Jerry situation. Jack was quietly impressed, he'd always been and Alice fan, but he was gutted when I told him that we wouldn't be going backstage.

We were quite loose by the time we walked up to The Moore and it had gotten so late that we'd totally missed the support act. I was really nervous as we walked in, wondering how Jerry was I decided to send him a text. 'Have fun baby, can't wait to see you xx'. I didn't expect a reply, but almost immediately my phone buzzed with a new message. 'I'm gonna blow u away 2nite in so many ways. Get ready! J xxx'.

We got our beers and made our way to the floor just in time for the lights to go down (none of that VIP area for me, the best time was always had in the pit as far as I was concerned!). The riff to 'Godsmack' started up and the audience went insane and stayed that way for the entire show.

God what a rush it was to see these guys play at last, I'd never managed it back in the nineties, and despite the concerns that so many people had voiced about doing a tour without Layne, there was no trace of disappointment that I could see and William DuVall certainly proved his worth during the sixteen song set. They brought out a few of their Seattle friends on a few songs, which just made the night all the more special, most notable for me Duff McKagan and Kim Thayil.

I was so totally floored by their performance that I often found that I was just stood still with my jaw wide open watching them slay the audience, happy in the knowledge that this was only the first time I was going to see these guys do it this year.

It was all over far too fast for my liking and as the band left the stage after throwing picks and sticks into the ravenous crowd I felt an overwhelming urge to hug everybody. But I kept it just to Kat and Jack and we gradually made our way outside with the rest of the throng.

"Nightcap at the hotel guys, or somewhere a little more salubrious?" I asked high as a kite and so wanting to party.

"What about Jerry?" Kat asked looking puzzled, "Don't you have to call him or something?"

"C'mon Kat, do you really think he's going to be thinking about me after that?" I almost guffawed at her. "I'll text him, but I doubt if I'll be seeing him for a while yet," I pulled my phone out and sent off a message 'You blew me away! Totally amazing show baby. Call me when you can xx'

"I still think we should probably just go back to the hotel Elle, you wouldn't wanna miss him." Kat reasoned. "Besides, I love their cocktails!" she said linking her arm through mine and steering me in the right direction.

My phone vibrated in my pocket as we settled in with our drinks and I was honestly surprised to see a message from Jerry so soon; 'Where r u? I'm comin 2 get u real soon x'.

"Oh, maybe you guys will get to meet him tonight," I said replying that we would be in the bar at The Edgewater. This seemed to make Kat and Jack a bit nervous, which made me laugh. "Christ what would you be like if I took you into work to meet Lars & James?"

"Be fair Elle, Metallica's a bit different. I'd probably bow in James' presence!" Jack quipped.

We were on our third cocktails and Kat was in the middle of a funny story about one of her co-workers when she suddenly stopped mid-sentence and nodded towards the entrance of the bar. I turned around to see Jerry striding towards us with the biggest smile on his face I'd ever seen. I stood up to greet him and he grabbed me around the waist and lifted me up hugging me tightly.

"I've missed you so much!" he murmured into my ear and kissed me quickly on the lips. Putting me back on my feet, he turned his attention to the table.

"Hey, you must be Kat and Jack," he said extending his hand to Jack and bending over to kiss Kat on the cheek. "Nice to meet you, Elle's told me so much about you both."

"Great show man, thanks for the tickets. Definitely a night I'll remember for along time. Can I get you a beer?" Jack said amiably.

"That'd be great, thanks," Jerry replied sitting down next to me and taking my hand in his and squeezing it tightly. God I was feeling smug, I could see the look of disbelief on Kat's face as he did this, which she tried to cover up when she caught me looking at her. I didn't care, so I gave her wink to let her know.

We rained praise down on Jerry for a good twenty minutes talking about the show and he lapped it up obviously still riding high after the performance. The conversation turned back to family stuff during which Jerry & Jack discovered they'd both grown up in Tacoma and got heavily into a conversation about their old stomping grounds, so Kat and I slipped out for a cigarette.

"He looks like the real deal to me honey," she said the minute we were outside. "It was obvious how pleased he was to see you. He seems really nice too," I grinned broadly back at her.

"I know, but it seems too good to be true Kat!" I said being serious for a moment.

"Oh stop looking for the cloud in every silver lining girl! Enjoy it whilst it lasts. If it fucks up then so be it. You are the happiest I've seen you in a long time, don't spoil it by being so pessimistic all the time."

I pouted like a spoilt child at her, but I knew she was talking sense. "I guess. I'm glad I've got you to kick me in the arse when I need it cuz."

"Now, when we go back in, I'll break up the Tacoma boys club and get Jack outta here so you two can get some quality time together ok?"

"You're the best you know that!" I said giving her a hug.

••

I was surprised at how difficult it was to shut the two of them up, they clearly had a lot in common and also a similar sense of humour. I could see the four of us sitting there all night getting drunker and drunker and louder and louder. But thankfully Kat was true to her word and she literally hauled Jack out of his seat after 15 minutes and we said our goodbyes in the lobby, with much back slapping and handshaking going on between Jerry & Jack until I pulled Jerry into the lift and waved them off as the door closed.

"I thought I'd never get you alone!" I breathed pulling Jerry to me by his belt loops and kissing him slowly. He drew me closer to him and returned my kiss hungrily. It didn't last long, we reached our floor in a matter of seconds and I almost dragged him towards my room.

At the door I opened my bag to find the key card as Jerry ground himself against me from behind and kissed my neck. After a minute I was still rummaging frantically, whilst Jerry's hands had crept up under my bra. Between them and his mouth I was losing my concentration.

"What's taking so long?" Jerry demanded, pausing his heavenly assault on my earlobe.

"I can't find the fucking key!" I exclaimed completely exasperated, thinking I was going to have to break this up and go to reception to get another.

"But, it's right here," he broke contact with my butt and slipped his hand into the back pocket of my jeans and waved it in front of me. I snatched it from him and slid it hastily into the reader eager to get him inside of the room and me.

Closing the door behind us I managed to kick off my trainers as Jerry held me against the wall and continued to rain kisses upon my neck, moving upwards along my jaw to my mouth. I undid his shirt, peeled it off his shoulders & cast it to one side. Running my nails up his back and into his hair I pulled his lips away from mine. He looked a little bewildered.

"You know, I was enjoying it rather a lot when you were behind me just now…" I prompted smiling seductively at him.

"You did huh?" Jerry said cottoning on, I released the handfuls of his hair and ran my fingers through it to smooth it back down. Instantly Jerry spun me round and pushed me against the wall. I felt his breath hot against my ear as he slid his hands around my waist and unbuttoned my jeans in one swift movement. Dipping one hand inside my knickers he slid a couple of fingers into the wetness between my legs, I gasped, the other hand held me tight against his colossal hard-on. "How about now, you like that?" Jerry growled into my ear. I nodded, unable to form any coherent words, I was under his spell right then. I could feel his breathing getting heavier now as he brought his mouth to my neck, flicking his tongue against it & causing me to shiver.

Suddenly he pulled me back from the wall and marched me into the dimly lit bathroom where we stopped in front of the sink looking at each other in the mirror.

"Take your top off," He ordered. I did as I was told and saw his reflection watching my heaving breasts lustily. "Now your bra," as I let it drop he lowered his head again and sunk his teeth into my neck sucking hard, the pain was exquisite and I leaned back into him moaning loudly. Both his hands grabbed at my tits and his fingers dug in bringing me more pain tinged with pleasure. We never took our eyes from our reflections, this seemingly adding fuel to our passion. Jerry brought his lips up to my ear once again and sucked hard on its lobe before growling into it. "I'm gonna fuck you now up against this sink and you're gonna watch me watching you while I do," his words alone sent a contraction of an imagined orgasm where his fingers had just been. Then he pushed me forward so that I was leaning right over the sink supporting myself with my forearms along the cold porcelain.

Jerry slid my jeans down my legs and I heard him unbuckle his belt and unzipper his jeans. We shared a look of complete wanton desire before he placed his hands on my hips and drove his cock into me so hard I had to grip the sides of the sink so as not smash my head against the mirror. Jerry moved his hands back up to my tits and kneaded them roughly as he drove himself into me hard and fast. With the mixture of the two week break we'd had from each other, the pain, the pleasure and show we were putting on for ourselves we climaxed quickly, both of us shouting loudly. Afterwards Jerry all but collapsed on top of me his cock still twitching inside me making my pussy contract again and again until I had another orgasm. Jerry straightened up and watched as I writhed against him, a smile dancing across his face as he reached around and rubbed my clit making me squirm all the more. When I was finally done he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek. I smiled at him and he withdrew from me giving me yet another quick thrill.

I turned around to face him at last and wound my arms around his neck.

"Do you know what?" I asked as I rubbed my nose against his affectionately. I felt him tense and wondered if he thought I was about to use the 'L' word, which made my smile even wider.

"What?" he ventured tentatively.

"I think that was the best fuck I've ever had!" he relaxed immediately and laughed. "I'm really looking forward to Europe if that's what performing does to you!"

We spent the rest of the night wound around each other in bed planning our escapes from the merry-go-round of the forthcoming festivals between shags. It seemed that our paths weren't going to cross quite as much as we'd originally thought, but Alice were going to be playing their last show of the tour in London on my Dad's birthday, which I was planning on being in town for. We decided to spend a couple of days there afterwards.