When Worlds Collide

Last thing I wanted was more IT, so this seemed like a good choice. Completely different."

"A business man stacking shelves. It's quite common but never really seems right.

You could go for management after a few months."

"No. I'm happy as a grunt. No thinking. No stress. Three nights and the rest of the week to myself. What's not to like?"

"Try my life. Three nights isn't enough to pay the bills. I get overtime every week most of the time so I manage. But January is always a struggle."

"Why January?"

"No overtime. No one has any money to spend after Christmas. The shop's dead."

"What about boyfriends? Anyone steady that helps out?"

"Yeah. I have Andy. He works in retail as well. A hardware store on the high street. Full time with good steady money, and he's in line to step up as a manager soon. But he doesn't live with me. Wants to. I'm just not ready to let anyone move in permanently."

"Ah. A free spirit still."

"Not that free.

Not that tied either."

"Available for something better?"

"Maybe." I admitted remembering my earlier thoughts.

"I'm only twenty. Who knows what's around the next corner.

What about you? Are you married?"

"Partner. We've been together twenty years. I do refer to her as my wife even though no church involved."

"Twenty years. Wow. Commitment."

"Kinda."

"Kinda? What's that mean."

He suddenly looked uncomfortable and glanced about before picking up his coffee to drink. I should have took that as a signal to leave it. But I was curious.

"Tell me."

"Nothing to tell."

"Oh come on. You can't say 'kinda' like that and not explain."

"It's... not what you would call a conventional relationship. We see other people."

I smirked. Suddenly I saw an adulterer. Perhaps Angela would be in with some luck. I didn't mind. It was their lives. But I couldn't help passing my opinion.

"Ha. You mean you do. I bet your wife doesn't see it as an open relationship. The missus is always the one that just has to put up with it.

But hey. It's your life. No judgement from me."

He just looked at me as if more amused than offended.

"You couldn't be more wrong. She sees who she wants, just as I do."

Fair enough. That was possible.

"And you're both okay with that?"

I was a little taken aback by the idea. But it didn't disgust me how I thought it should.

"Yeah. Perfectly.

Doesn't mean we feel any different about each other. Love is love and sex is sex."

"But you have sex together still..."

Was I probing too much? I had to admit I was intrigued.

"Of course."

"And still go with other people? Not sure I could do that."

"It's a mind set. A social conditioning. Thousands of years of religion and the difficulties of raising children in ancient times. It's that which makes us monogamous, not our genes."

"The nuclear family. It's natural." I countered.

"Is it? I'd argue the opposite. Otherwise why do so many people cheat? What's natural is for men to spread their genes widely and for women to seek the best of those."

"But you need stability to raise children."

"Only in the first few years. Take away our nice shiny civilisation and children would grow up much quicker. They'd be hunters, or working in fields by the time they reached eight or nine.

And what if there's no children?"

"Still doesn't mean you should sleep around."

"If you view sex only as intrinsic with a relationship then that's how you'll see it. But don't you think that feels a little like ownership of the other person?"

That did sort of ring true.

Simon carried on.

"We both see sex as apart from the relationship. Sort of like a hobby you can enjoy together. Or with others."

"Ha.

Sex as a hobby. That's a new way of looking at it.

I certainly like sex. I like it a lot. But I'd never describe it as a hobby?"

"It's honest." He said with conviction.

"I'm not sure most people would view it that way."

"Never much cared for the opinions of others. So long as both parties involved see it the same way and both are upfront about it, it's not a problem."

"And what about the others. The poor unsuspecting women you involve in your... games?And men if your wife is doing the same."

"We're truthful. Everything out in the open."

"And when did this all start? Middle age crisis?"

"We were both free spirits when we met and we decided that although we wanted to be together we didn't want to change how we lived."

"Both. Or just you?"

I couldn't help but question if this was the excuse of an adulterer.

"Both."

He leaned forward a little more until we were quite close over the table. Normally I'd have pulled away, but he didn't make me uncomfortable at all. He had a way about him that made me feel as though I'd known him for years.

"Funny.

Everyone always assumes it's the man's infidelity behind open marriages while the poor little wifey just tolerates it in silence. Clearly there's lots of people like that. But not us. It's a mutual thing.

Sex is just... fun. Like skiing or tennis.

Let me ask you something. How many boyfriends have you had sex with?"

"Woah. That's a bit personal. I only met you a few hours ago."

"See. Instantly defensive. Conditioned to see sex as a dirty secret. We all know everyone does it but no one wants to talk about it. As I said. I'm honest."

I thought for a moment. I wanted to know more and I couldn't really not give up my secrets while expecting him to. To be fair there wasn't much secret about it. Angela for one knew I'd never been with anyone other than Andy.

"Okay." I decided.

"Andy's the only one. Ever."

"Just the one.

I've slept with so many women. All of them different. Looks, smell, what they will or won't do.

Variety. Now imagine the only person you ever experience is Andy. Imagine if for the next thirty, forty years, perhaps longer, the only man you know kisses you the same way, touches you the same way, fucks you the ..."

"Okay. Enough."

Now I was passing my red lines.

"Too much information."

"Sorry. I wasn't trying to pry or anything.

I'm just explaining how I feel. How Diane feels. That need for renewal rather than falling into some staid routine. So many couples start off sex mad. Then after a few years it becomes habit and boring. The sex becomes once a week, then once a month. There's nothing that excites them any more and they just lose that part of their lives. Or one partner looks elsewhere.

It's an ethical choice as much as anything. We both want that joy that comes with new partners while having the security that comes with a relationship. Sexually open. But not romantically. And it keeps us fresh. We're as committed to each other as we were when we first met.

But each to their own. I don't judge anyone."

I looked into my empty coffee cup reflecting on how I fitted his vision of my future.

"Me and Andy..."

Suddenly my redlines didn't seem so solid.

"We're at it like rabbits most of the time. I just couldn't see me, or him, wanting to be like that with anyone else.

I know it won't always be like that but..."

Shit. I did know that. Again I was reminded of my thoughts about knowing what it'd be like with someone else.

"We should get back to work." I said glancing at the clock.

Well that was probably the most amazing conversation I'd ever had with anyone on a tea break.

"No. Not for me." I said firmly but without conviction.

"But I won't judge either."

I emptied the last of my cooling coffee into my mouth and swallowed.

"Let's go."

I was right. As soon as we finished we were moved on to Biscuits. It was a rush to finish and by the time I got home I was shattered.

Sleeping in the day wasn't hard for me. If I was tired there was little that could disturb me. On my work days Andy generally went home and I had the flat to myself when I came in. Occasionally he'd stay and we'd have a coffee together before he went to work but I was happier coming back to an empty flat to crash out immediately.

He'd come round in the evening after work for dinner. Mostly because he wanted a fuck if I was honest. But he did help cook and clean up. And sometimes we cuddled up and talked or watched TV. Probably what most people our age did.

Wednesdays was our only proper day off together. That was when we'd go out in the day and clubbing at night. And yeah. More fucking when we got home.

I stripped off and climbed straight into bed suddenly aware how much our relationship actually revolved around sex. For a moment I wondered what we would have when we were fifty. Simon was right. People who were together for years didn't have sex so often. Christ. Even my own parents slept in separate bedrooms these days. Can't say thinking about my mum and dad doing the business was high on my agenda but I did question if they ever did any more.

I stared up at the ceiling for a moment. That could be my future. Work and watching banal TV in the evenings. Perhaps one day I'd think back to my conversation with Simon and wonder if he was the lucky one.

I couldn't imagine life without sex. Or just as bad. Boring sex.

Three

"Hi."

Mary was coming out of her door as I went down the stairs to the echo of my shoes on the concrete steps.

"Hello." She looked up and smiled.

I saw the pushchair with Ryan happily strapped in and realised she'd have to negotiate the flight of stairs. There was an elevator but it was never working.

"The lift's out again."

"Again. For f.... Never mind."

She looked exasperated.

"It's okay. I'll give you a hand down the stairs if you like."

"Oh thanks. That'd be really good of you."

"No worries."

"That damn lift is out of order more times that it's working. I worry about getting in it sometimes incase I'm trapped in there all night."

I waited until she'd locked the door and walked with her to the stairwell.

"There's a note saying reported so hopefully it'll get fixed soon."

Ryan was gurgling. Big blue eyes watching me intently as I lifted the front of the buggy carefully down the steps. Cute.

I wondered where the father was.

"He looks cheeky."

"He is.

I think he's fascinated by your hair. He's never seen red hair before.

It's beautiful by the way."

"Thank you."

"Ryan's staying at his nan's for the night, aren't you..." she made the baby voice setting his gurgling off again. "...so I can have a night out in town. I don't get out on my own often so you'll have to excuse me if I come home steaming drunk at two in the morning."

"Won't bother me. I'll be working."

"I thought you worked nights. I see you going out sometimes. What do you do?"

"Just supermarket work. Nothing special."

"Retail isn't so bad. I worked in a clothes shop. Had to give it up when I fell pregnant. Me and Ryan's dad...

Well. He was married so..."

We reached the bottom and I gave Ryan the chance to touch my hair. It seem to make him giggle even more.

"Does he see Ryan?"

"No. Didn't want to know. I'm okay with that. It was just a silly mistake.

But I don't regret Ryan one bit. Best thing that ever happened."

I made faces at Ryan, enjoying his smiling face and wide eyes staring back at me."

"He's lovely."

"You off to work now?"

"Yeah. Fridays are busy. Hard not to work Fridays in retail.

Anyway. I hope you enjoy yourself." I smiled before waving bye to a happy Ryan.

"So how's Mr Grey?"

Angela sat down opposite me in the canteen waiting for our start time.

"Mr Grey?"

"You know. The book? The movie?"

"Oh that. Never read it.

Yeah. He's good. Friendly. And fast."

"You've never read Fifty Shades? Makes me go all gooey when I look at Simon. A definite Mr Grey if you ask me."

"Angela. He's twice your age."

"I don't care. He's scrumptious."

"Yeah. Well he's attached so forget it."

"Shame. I could go for him."

I wanted to tell her to go for it. It didn't seem he would say no. But an inner voice told me to keep his secret. It wasn't my place to tell her he was available despite being married, partnered, whatever. But a tiny part of me also wanted that secret to remain only with me.

"Anyway. You refuse to date people you work with, remember."

"Yeah. Well I'm getting desperate. It's costing me a fortune in batteries."

"Please. Too much information."

"I like to share." She smirked touching the back of my hand in a fake caring way.

"He's here now. Shut up." I said seeing Simon coming through the door.

"Evening."

"Hi. I'm Angela." She introduced herself enthusiastically.

"Simon.

Mind if I join you."

"Oh sit down. You're part of the team now." I laughed.

"So how you finding it?" Angela asked.

"It's good. It'll keep me fit. And Julia has been looking after me."

"She's got a boyfriend you know." She whispered conspiratorially.

"I haven't if you're wondering." She added quickly.

Simon started laughing while I just glared. Watching his reactions.

"And I have a wife at home."

"Damn. All the best ones taken."

To be fair he wasn't rising to the bait how I'd expected him to. Perhaps he had a type. Or she was just too young for him. Well that ruled me out. I was two years younger than Angela.

"Listen up boys and girls. It's that time again."

I looked up at the voice. Our manger calling for our attention so he could allocate the workload. Mostly we were in the same places but there were always a few changes or company initiatives he has to tell us about.

Simon had an aisle to himself tonight, Pet Foods, but I sought him out at break time and we sat together again. Angela joined us for the first one and we chatted nonsense. By the second, one of the lads, Julian, had managed to entice her into a game of Pool.

He was around Angela's age and had made it perfectly clear he had the hots for her. She'd always brushed him off before but seemed more open to him tonight. Perhaps Simons presence was making her reevaluate her ideas about work colleges.

I watched Julian admiring her arse as she bent over to take a shot. As good a view as he might be finding it I could only think he was in the wrong place. The other side of the table and he'd have a good view down her top. I'd seen it when we were working and it hadn't gone unnoticed by many.

Yep. Sure enough Julian moved around for her next shot, discovering the weight of big tits pushing against lose material and unfastened top buttons when she bent forward.

"I think Julian has his eye on Angela." Simon said noticing where I looked.

"He's asked her out loads of times. She keeps saying no."

"Really? He looks a nice enough lad."

"He is. Just not her type I guess.

Don't fancy trying your luck? I get the impression Angela would happily be another notch on the bedpost for you." I teased.

"No.

She seems a lovely girl but she's looking for something more than I can offer."

"She hasn't had it in months. She might go for it. She likes you even if you are twice her age." I pressed.

I couldn't explain it but I felt pleased when he still wasn't taking the bait.

"She wants a relationship. A full time boyfriend. I can tell. It's in her voice.

She'll tell you she's not but she is."

I noted he didn't comment on the age gap. I took from that his conquests included much younger girls.

"It's the usual way for most of us." I reminded him.

"You know. Relationships between two people."

"Only the ones who aren't adventurous.

She does have a nice arse though."

He turned in his chair to fully face me as I recovered from the shock of this older man eyeing my friends bum."

"Anything else about her you like? Or don't?"

He toyed with his cup. I knew he was laughing inside.

"You're trying to find out what type I go for aren't you? You could just ask me."

He was right. I was even if I hadn't realised it. I studied his face. Yep I could see the amusement right there in his eyes even if it didn't show around his mouth.

"Okay. I'll bite.

What's your type?"

He looked to be considering.

"I like brunettes and redheads mostly."

I quivered when his eyes flicked to my naturally red hair.

"Age isn't important."

There was my answer to that one. I flushed bright red as he continued, enjoying my self invited discomfort.

"I prefer the slimmer figure. Your friend Angela is cute and cuddly and I could, but she wouldn't be my first choice."

"She's got big tits. I saw them once in a changing room. I was jealous."

"Yours are fine. A good handful. That's enough. Not that I've been looking."

Oh yes you have. I reddened even more.

"And legs. I like long well defined legs.

But the important thing is. No one too needy. They have to be someone who understands it's just sex. Someone who can enjoy the moment and stay detached. No emotions getting in the way."

Was it my imagination or were his eyes burning into me. I sipped my coffee to cover my discomfort and prickling cheeks. It wasn't what he said or the way he looked at me. There was something else. And it frightened me. Arousal.

I should have stopped it there and changed the subject but I couldn't. I wanted to pursue it. To understand his thinking.

"So why redheads?

Or is that just to make me feel better?"

He was laughing at me.

"No. I genuinely do have a thing for redheads.

You're rare. I love the pale complexion. Pink skin tones and the hint of freckles."

He studied me for moment as if thinking whether he dare say his next words.

"Redheads have such lovely pale pink nipples. It drives me wild."

"Er... wow."

I was shocked and started fanning my overheated face with my hand.

"Didn't expect that over coffee."

I glanced about praying no one else has heard that.

"Okay. Shall we park that one before you say anything else."

"Sorry. I wasn't trying to embarrass you or anything. But you did ask."

"Yeah I did."

Then I couldn't resist.

"But if you're wondering. I have." I whispered.

"Now let's leave it there."

I my face was positively glowing now. I couldn't believe I was having this conversation. Even less that I was encouraging it.

By the next day I was beginning to realise all our conversations eventually came around to sex. If I'd been a voyeur on our talks I'd have said it was inappropriate given the age difference. But I was secretly enjoying it.

"I've always doubted Andy would be my one and only. But I assumed we'd fizzle out, or he'd find someone else. Or I would. You know. The normal way things end. Not that I'm against the idea we might be matched for life either. I'm just a realist. Each day as it comes."

"It's still a monogamous relationship you're describing.

That would feel like being in a cage to me. All those people just beyond the bars that you can't reach out to.

Now if the door to the cage was to be left open so you can fly out any time you like and return to its comfort when you're ready... wouldn't that excite you?"

I sat in silence. I was fascinated by his life, his ideas, even as I recognised he was playing with my emotions and pushing at my barriers. The word grooming came to mind. But was it wrong when I knew it and actively encouraged it?

He had a type alright and I was it. It frightened me. But not enough that I ended the game. I just sat and waited for him to continue. The fear was arousing.

"We all have fantasies, needs that can't be met by one single person. Everyone has inhibitions or particular wants. With one person it's always a compromise. And that's fair enough. Most of the time."

"Yes but surely when you're committed to someone you forget those other things, or you accommodate them because you love that person."

"Or you just suppress them. Until one day you can't.

Imagine you have strong feelings for chocolate ice cream but also desire raspberry ripple. Imagine the first time you buy ice cream, the first time you put your order in at the counter you're told what you order today is forever. That once you order chocolate you can never have raspberry ripple and no matter how much you want it another time you'll only be served chocolate.