All Comments on 'Why Won't You Love Me? Ch. 01'

Brother+Sister=Paternal Twins dumb ass Identical twins would be male or female not both

What story? No incest? Finish the story before submitting.

I never got beyond the description. I figured I didn't want to read a story by someone who can't understand why a woman can't have an identical twin brother. Fraternal yes, identical no. Just take a look, there are some extra body parts.

It shows promise. You should change the description, though. Identical twins are from the same egg that split in two, so they are always the same sex — otherwise, they're not identical. What you're talking about are fraternal twins (they're from two separate eggs that both got fertilized by different sperm at about the same time), so he's just her "twin brother" Daniel, not her identical twin.

Well to the other genius the term is Fraternal twins not Paternal!

Fix the identical twin thing, and you may have a story going forward. Don't quit. It is your first story and you are going to make mistakes

ok, it is fine but really needs proper punctuation.

No good the title was a dead give away, As someone already mentioned twins of different genders are always fraternal. Below average, but if at first you do not succeed try again. I have read a lot worse.

It was AWWWsome !!!!!

If writing were easy, everyone could do it well.

You didn't even bother to look up albinism. It wouldn't have been that hard.

Something else that you didn't bother doing that would have improved this greatly was pay attention in English classes. The writing was horrible. The story wasn't a story, it was a half-baked introduction with so many things that defy logic (such as a yard plagued with beautiful green grass -- really? I kind of thought that's what people want in their yard).

Some things you need to do before putting your next pile of vomit on the site: learn punctuation and grammar, develop more than an elementary school vocabulary, learn what makes a sentence and what doesn't, learn how to structure dialogue, including internal, and grow an imagination.

Short of doing ALL of that, just don't clutter up the site.

First lesson, "Identical Twins are the SAME GENDER". Brother/Sister Twins are FRATERNAL Twins.

It's been a few months. Are you going to continue this story?

Ignore all the negative comments. It was your 1st story after all. Just change the description from identical to fraternal, then continue the series with another chapter.

All you people are bashing the author, but what if English is their second language? If this is the case, congratulations on learning a second language and hopefully as you learn to speak and write English, your writing will improve.