All Comments on 'Liquid Zen'

<bigrin> I loved the way it ended and totally made me laugh yep I can see that, twighlight zone cool~~

Your an exceptional writer Du and entrancing tale and wonderful write!

UPS has excellent service. Very nicely done and incredibly hot story.

I enjoyed many of your expressions -- "concrete sky" caught my fancy -- I expect to see much more of your

work.

Your idea seemed solid but I found some some serious flaws in the style. Changes of verb tense made the story difficult to read smoothly and I felt overwhelmed by meaningless description and run-on sentences.

"Hmmm, the gurgle, the puff of hot water, and the roasted beans melding with simple water creating a complex drink that calls for all the senses to wake!" - the gurgle and puff and beans mixing with water created a drink? What?

"The gurgle of hot water and the rich scent of roasted beans called for her senses to wake. Such a complex drink from such a simple mix!"

See the difference?

Keep practicing! I'd love to see more great ideas as you improve your writing!