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Latest 15 Reader Comments

I like the spelling mistakes

They happen at the most erotic times of the story - like the authors mind is racing through it again ...
got me off, I hope it's a true story.

Appreciation, Comments & Critiques

Congratulations on creating a challenging and sensual short story! The plot is a perfect set-up for a short story; a subway ride during rush hour that suffers a power outage between stops is a more comfortable variation on the "trapped in an elevator" scenario and offers so much more potential.

You have a clear start, a sudden change in conditions to justify actions and an unspecified but finite time frame to get the deed done followed by a reveal that has a justified sudden exit that doesn't reflect negatively on your male character or force an awkward morning after moment on us. The ingredients for urgency and edginess and fantasy fulfillment are there and utilized but my only critique is that your story didn't make better use of the fear factor involved with having sex in public. Your narrative stays very intimate, which is fine, but from the woman's point of view you should give more attention to the way darkness both inhibits and AMPLIFIES the senses. Sounds, balance, touch, depth perception...all of this newly skewed sensory input would play an integral part in the way your character experiences this episode and should be milked for all they're worth.

You mention her concern about being heard and about someone smelling her arousal but you don't talk at all about her own awareness of the people crowding her personal space. A woman standing on a commuter train would have been VERY aware of who was around her before the lights went out and you should mention her recollections as she tries to understand who is touching her. There is likely someone on this route she's seen before and found attractive, the obvious plot twist is her thinking that is who it is and only after the lights come back and the train is again underway do we learn it wasn't that guy at all! Also you might want to consider some sort of shift in position on the train, a move to the end of the car after the initial contact to give them a degree of separation from the riff raff.

Last point, everyone onboard has at least a cellphone and it wouldn't only be their screens lighting up, each phone will also have a flashlight app loaded and the people would be using them as opposed to sitting in the dark because even though they're all adults, the unknown initially triggers a fear response. Convincing fantasy lies in the nuance of details anchored in reality. To get us comfortable with suspending our disbelief you have to indulge your audience with pieces of credibility we can relate to and accept. Keep up the great work!

Someone has to say it.

PhD? Pretty Hard Dick? After a couple pages of that story. If only grad school in real life was so much fun!

REMARKABLE.......

WOW........Spectacular........simple idea incredibly well executed. A less than confident expert wordsmither (clearly you are far more than just a wordsmith master,) would have given up on this somewhere around the 10th iteration, if they got that far. I am delighted you did not do this and I express my appreciation to you for this incredibly well done story. Thank You. Off to read your other contributions.

Loved this story, gave it a 4+ (4.4/5.0 = 88% = A)

The story turned me on.
I imagined i was butt fucked by a Rubenesque woman with a strap-on.

On a less serious note, every wife should have the right to butt fuck her husband with a strap-on at least 4 times a year. If he says No, he goes to jail; there they don't take a No for an answer (that'll teach him!)

Wow....

One of the best I've read. Drawn out, and a bit lengthy for my taste, but well-written. Can't wait to read more from you!

One of the best of this genre...

I'd LOVE to have this happen to me - just like this. I don't like the 'sissy-bitch' demeaning name calling or other degrading aspects of most of these stories. I just like the thought (and reality, if it happens) of a woman fucking me with a strapon.
And I'll say it was too short. You told it so well you could have extended it far longer, drawing out more details. Or more chapters. Thanks.

Your experience!

Love reading your thoughts and feelings in the midst of an awkward, and unexpectedly sexy situation. Thanks!

well played :)

Really thought it was going in a different direction, really liked how you handled it.

Very erotic story.

That was a great story about losing your anal virginity. I hope you will continue to write about your other visits to Arianne.

"Shortly after our recent adventure ..."

And that adventure would be ...?

Did you think your stories are so magnificent that people would just instantly remember? Going by the date, Babs Goes Doubly Black might be a guess, but that's all it is. The thing is, you KNOW. It's YOUR job to let the readers know. It is NOT the readers' job to figure it out, whether it's easy or hard.

Is the readers you don't give fuck about or your own story?

Great to have a new story!

It's great to see a new story from you. Excellent work. I'd love to see some of your older stories that said "to be continued" to be continued, if possible!

Nice one

Seems the hooker was the person who benefited the most from this story

Excellent

I loved this story. The description how Angus entered April's anus was so beautiful and the way you drew it out I could almost feel myself fucking her. Superb as always.

Damn this was fucking AMAZING

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