All Comments on 'A Pre-Wedding Gift Pt. 03'

It would work better if Michael didnt have to work for her, but instead had to take Sophie to and from clients, to increase his punishment by just having to sit back and watch just like he did to her daughter.

Really liked the writing and build up. Not so with the plot outcome, could have been a bit more inventive. The story deals with the common theme that blokes have a less than caring attitudes towards women, which in most cases is far from the truth.

I'm still feeling my way in this genre so have a lot to learn so really appreciate the feedback.

With Michael, I was trying to portray him as basically a good guy (like the majority of us are) who, in pretty much any other situation would have done the right thing. But you're right, in setting that up I did get led astray bit by the lure of the 'men are brutes' cliché with his friends and their actions. Ironically, I was trying to portray the exact opposite.

The friends weren't supposed to be brutal rapists, just a group of fairly normal guys who, had had been drinking and thought they were having consensual sex with a prostitute. The spiking of the drink was intended someone's stupid idea of a joke.

Unfortunately my choice of narrative style meant I couldn't go into much detail for the actual rape so I'd painted myself into a corner where I couldn't get this across as well as I would have liked.

The idea of having them both working for the woman was a way to give more flexibility when I revisit Sophie and Michael in future stories, but I like the idea of him being made to just watch helplessly and it's definitely a concept I'll explore further.

Skipped the whole infantile crap, avoiding eye cancer but the debile plot felt acrid to my laugh nerves. I’m lucky to not have read the whole drivel. It’s naive and boring, borderline to stupid.

The part time hobby scribbler leased a low percent of talent free potion and we all hope he’s quitting the metier while simply cracking farts in a barrel doesn’t do it here.

Waste of time

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Hope Michael make a comeback and revenge that insane woman

To author TheOldProf

idea of Michael being made to just watch helplessly is overused and being repetitive and it also show that lack of flexibility that human being have on Michael, he should doing something to pay back on that woman, not to mention there is no way she can cover all of this level of abused atrocities which involves others several people into it too , money and authority can only have you go so far at the start before, there are no secret in this world after all, honestly murder case is easy to cover than this so called "punishment"

To author TheOldProf

idea of Michael being made to just watch helplessly is overused and being repetitive and it also show that lack of flexibility that human being have on Michael, he should doing something to pay back on that woman, not to mention there is no way she can cover all of this level of abused atrocities which involves others several people into it too , money and authority can only have you go so far at the start before the fall, there are no secret in this world after all, honestly murder case is easy to cover than this so called "punishment"

Dial things back a bit and it would be a much better story. Don't give them a crazy series of drugs. Just use the blackmail, or some other form of manipulation. Don't have 50 people fuck Sophie on her wedding night. Half a dozen is plenty. By going so heavy with forcing, there isn't really any tension. By making this other woman 5 steps ahead & playing with a stacked deck, what reason do Micheal or Sophie have for not just saying 'yes' instantly to everything put in front of them?

If the mystery woman has done this to Mike, who is at most complicit (and probably not even that), did she outright murder the other guys? You know, the ones who actually raped her daughter? Plus, if this woman has all this power and money and influence ... why is her daughter even working for her as a hooker? In particular, if she cares so much about this daughter she should never have sent her alone to a group of 1st time clients.

Beyond that, the drugs are effectively magic potions here. Or a mind-control implant. Wouldn't be surprised if one gives Mike tits overnight or something. Sure, its all fantasy. But this is going too far beyond 'porn rules' to keep me engaged much longer. I'll see if pt.4 is a bit more plausible, if not I'm quiting.