All Comments on 'Adult Life Pt. 01'

Great start. The narration is interesting and erotic. Even though the story is so short I felt I got to understand the characters, they felt real. But the shortness is a mistake, especially since by necessity that makes the erotic parts even shorter. You want to have your sexy action be of a decent length, that's always important ;) But seriously you have to consider what these stories are for, people need fuel. Being expressive and imaginative in detailing the sex acts is important too but I think you already got that. So just write longer. Well that would be my advice to get more readers and attention, maybe that is not important to you.

Either way hope you keep up the good work and I get to see more of you work here, emphasis on more ;)

needs proofreading because i could not get past the first paragraph as it mostly made very little sense

Please get an editor. This reads like it is written by a non-English speaker.

A bit too short to get a grasp of the story, maybe next time go farther? :) As the previous commenter said, it's interesting enough to watch for more.

Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad even if one person reads this and likes it.

In fact, I wrote these stories for myself, and never thought of publishing them at all. Therefore, I did not hold back and did not limit myself in writing them. This may be a bit frank.

This story has a second part which I will post shortly.