All Comments on 'Becoming Her Voyeuristic Lover Ch. 01'

And Laurel thinks AI is a danger to this site but let’s this utter trash get through?

Let's not be hasty. There is promise here. For one thing, the author got all the tags right. Too many authors slip from view with weird unusal tags.

I realize the semantics and language are rough. I am pretty sure that only a human and not an AI (gag!) could construct such sentences. But, I'm not betting.

Obviously, the story is in need of some refinement to yield a smoothly developing idea. I hope the author has not purposely used the sort-of-jumpy style as artistic expression. It does not help the literary component and prevents the reader from relaxing with the erotic component.

The length is good and the story departs from the boring traditional sequence of events.

I'm not sure that the characters are developed enough or easy to identify with, particularly the character telling the story.

I think I would suggest the author engage with one of the editors on this site. It is worth engaging in the discussion of the underlying idea as well as language structure.

Perhaps an exercise with a completely different story before trying to put forward another chapter of this one? Just to exercise the writing and creative skills?