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Click hereNever accept being gaslighted. I let him burn me far too often, damage my self-esteem. Gaslighting by your other half is not the sign of being loved. I excused him saying it was the pressure of his job but was it? Was this him pushing me out of our marriage? Does that explain why he won't speak?
My life now is work and home to an empty flat. I miss everything we had apart from the gaslighting. I yearn for my Mark to return. I know that will never happen. How I wish he never went into that bloody unit!
Ray and even his wife Sheila have kept in touch to try and help me through this. This incident broke the dam between them, for the first time Ray was assertive. Sheila was shocked. They are in therapy. Sheila realises now that Ray's needs matter. They don't know if they can get through this. She has looked at the tapes and knows we did not have penetrative sex. (Okay one stupid fucking face dildo which I wish never happened). I haven't asked if she is helping him with his needs. Obviously, I can't and won't.
Ray was pleased that Sheila did, after the therapist told her to do so, looked at what Ray was saying about the workplace and her family's attitude to him and his reaction to her supporting them against him as that was as major an issue between them as our sexual relief sessions. If she didn't their marriage was doomed. Sheila did look at the sales, saw she had been lied to by her family. She ripped her family to shreds about how they were treating Ray.
Ray's therapist is helping with his self-esteem issues.
It's baby steps for them. I hope they make it as Ray loves her and I think she loves him.
Both have offered to speak with Mark on my behalf but I told them no. I think while meant with the best of intentions, Mark would feel they were trying to manipulate him.
As for Mark and me by the time you read this we'll probably be divorced. I'll always love him. I won't look for someone else. If we see each other by accident at a party, a football match I know he will turn away. I have lost my soulmate.
The Mark I knew and loved will keep his word and read my explanation. I hope the new Mark does the same. I know he will never forgive me but I hope he now knows that I did not fuck around on him. If he wishes I will be happy to meet up with him. No subterfuge, I'll wear slacks, not stockings. No awesome breasts on display.
I don't expect that to happen. I need him to see my eyes and he needs to hurt me.
I'm not going to go lightly into the night. I'm a corporate lawyer but my firm have an expertise in Human Resource law. I am just as driven as Mark. In nine years that one Sexual Offences Unit has suffered 24 divorces (25 when ours goes through). 73% of the marriages there. More are on a knife edge.
I have spoken with all the divorced spouses, both male and female. All had good marriages before their spouses were posted into that unit. I have spoken with three couples who have not divorced. The only reason being, in each, are that they are catholic. They sleep in separate rooms. No one is happy.
Not one spouse believes they would be divorced or separated if they had never served in that unit. Police Scotland have a duty of care for their staff. I'll force them to have proper psychologists and psychiatrists to help the staff in that unit.
We need that unit obviously but the staff have to have a chance of a good life, loving homes and so do their spouses and children.
That is now my goal.
Finally Mark, I love you! Tomorrow will add yet another bloody sad day to my life! I miss you each moment I'm awake and in my dreams, I think of you. If this was paper the pages would be unreadable due to the tear stains.
I cannot apologise enough that I wasn't strong enough to deny my needs, that I needed support of another who treated me well, but mostly that I hurt you so badly.
I did not have an affair. I accept that I had an inappropriate relationship which I should never have become involved with in the first place.
Mark, please speak with me. No commitment, just let me tell you all this to your face so you know it's true. I love you!
- COMMENTS
mdadaminabout 1 month agoFrankly, I am very surprised by the logic of most of the authors on this site
They believe that betrayal only occurs when the lover inserts his penis into the wife’s vagina
While they consider kissing and the lover feeling the wife’s body or masturbating on her naked body or licking her, it is not cheating or engaging in sex, and they consider that the husband must accept that and ignore it because there is no penetration of the lover’s penis into the wife’s vagina.
This is nonsense. The wife or husband has no right to have any relationship of any kind with another party outside the spouse.
A passionate relationship with a lover or mistress is a betrayal
Kissing, sucking, licking, or feeling bodies is a betrayal
For a wife to stand naked in front of her lover so he can masturbate on her body is a betrayal
Any man who accepts these practices is not a man, but rather a person of wimp character and does not deserve to be called a man
Also, the wife’s logic here is completely wrong, as she loves to dominate her partner during sex, but if her husband does not like her to be a dominant sex partner, this does not give her any right to cheat, and vice versa. If the woman loves rough sex and the husband loves calm, emotional sex, this does not give the wife the right to cheat
If this condition causes the wife severe distress, it is possible to go to a psychiatrist to treat her for sexual disorders
Control or submission is not the main concern in having sex
The wife is just trying to justify her action and forgets that she did not have sex with her husband for a long time while she was enjoying her lover
She is also lying because the husband mentioned that when she returned, she smelled of sex, and her underwear had the lover’s semen on it. This alone is something that cannot be accepted, and it is betrayal in all senses, even if the lover did not enter her.
A rejected justification by the writer for his attempt to exonerate the unfaithful wife and legitimize the betrayal
If the wife is suffering in her marital relationship, she should talk to her husband, even if he refuses to talk. She must ask for a divorce because he will have to listen to her when she asks for a divorce to find out the reason for her request for a divorce, but for her to go & have sex with her lover under false pretexts is something unacceptable.
Anonymous5 months agoThe author cleverly present how people can convince themselves that that reality is not true an their alternate concept is reality. A decent read.
Wargamer10 months agoOf course it was an affair she is delusional in her rationalisations to justify her cheating.
She deserved what she got, because she caused the mess thru her lack of communication.
How the hell can she be a good lawyer her communication skills are shit
3/5
Anonymous10 months agoThis story was an improvement on the previous one. However I do not buy into the wife’s “I didn’t have an affair” non sense. I am sure people justify it that way all time but it’s just so they don’t have to face what they did. If anything she had a strong emotional affair with Ray. Knowing sexual things he didn’t even share with his wife. I get it, Mark was a dick. Then get counseling before the affair, talk to him and/or leave him. Don’t gaslight him by saying if you had only done 1, 2, 3 you wouldn’t have forced my hand. No whore, you did what you wanted.
Anonymous11 months agoThe slut had an affair of course. Mark may have been an asshole but just divorce.
Anonymous11 months agoJust a slut who of lies to herself and everyone else to rationalize being a slut
Anonymous11 months agoThis was one big rationalization of an affair(emotional). If Mark was that bad she should have left and not act a total bitch.
BlueEyd211 months agoShe definitely had an affair and she definitely cheating on her husband. The fact that she is so clueless and immature not to realize it makes it clear there is no coming back from what she did. How could there be if she believes what she did wasn't so bad to begin with ("an inappropriate relationship" seriously?)
I don't get why she continues to blame his joining the unit on their divorce. It was ALL on her and her actions.
And why the other couple decided to stay married is beyond me too.
The wife as a delusional whack job that never respected her husband.
