BIG BUTT CHINA - Mei Two Pt. 03

"HOLD YOUR HORSES!!" Still the knocking continued as I made it to the door.

The annoying knocking continued until I snatched the door open finding this diminutive Asian woman standing there with her raised fist caught mid-knock. She couldn't have been more than four eleven in height, extremely nerdy in appearance. She was wearing a very conservative button down suit with an ascot about her neck leaving everything to the imagination. Her narrow oval shaped face was adorned with these butterfly styled glasses that gave her dour appearance an almost insectoid quality diminishing her femininity even more than the rest of her attire.

"You could at least wait until I enter your flat before physically assessing me like the cretin you are; be a dear and grab my bag mouth breather." Her manner of speaking was loud and direct with a tinge of arrogance that left you reeling for lack of a better word.

Huānyíng lái dào wǒmen jiā méihuā héměi zhēn jiāng yú jīn wǎn wǎn xiē shíhòu fǎnhuí." I decided to greet her in her native language to let her know where I was coming from intellectually and partially to troll the little woman. I was glad I'd started learning some Chinese from my girlfriends.

"Bagaimana aneh, mereka telah mengajar ayam peliharaan mereka untuk berbicara." She replied in an unfamiliar language.

"Huh?"

"I'm Indonesian." I was instantly embarrassed noting the olive hue to her skin.

"I apologize."

"Huh?"

"Well obviously I bruised your ego by speaking to you in a dismissive manner causing you to act out in a petty attempt to assuage your bruised manhood."

"What?"

"Get my bags, chop chop." She shoved me to the side letting herself into my apartment looking around at my digs. Despite myself. I did her bidding gathering up her bags standing in the living room as she stared me down giving away no emotion.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Where is my room, or am I bunking down here on the floor?" She motioned towards the carpet underlining her verbal abuse. I half considered tossing her out on her tiny ass but didn't want to upset the twins. I pushed past her to the guest room placing her things just inside the door. The door slammed shut the moment I stepped into the hallway. I stared back for a minute as I received a call which thankfully distracted me from this developing situation.

"Is she there; did Edna arrive already?" It was Mei-Zhen. I'd long acquired the ability to tell the twins apart at this point.

"Yeah she just arrived; she's something else. Why didn't you warn me about that?" I walked into the kitchen throwing a packet of popcorn into the microwave.

"Try to be nice; she's really sensitive."

"Yeah, I can tell." I said dripping sarcasm as my snack popped in the little appliance. I was intent to getting back to my day of doing nothing and ignoring the shit out of Edna.

"Don't be that way; just try to be nice and maybe you could show her around. She likes the beach and other, stuff."

"Are you kidding, she's a borderline sadist-verbally speaking anyway." Mei-Zhen chuckled at my assessment.

"Come on, have a heart; she just broke up with her boyfriend."

"Well where's that guy; I'll get Armin and we'll hang out with him; he needs a coming out party after dealing with her." Mei-Zhen burst into laughter, catching herself quickly.

"Look they're waving me over, tell you what; make sure Edna's happy and we'll make it up to you, promise; we have a deal?"

"No."

"Wouldn't you like to cross that final marker off on your list, huh?"

"Seriously?"

"I think I'm ready; but if Edna's all pissed off, we're not gonna have one moment of peace this week. Find a way to make her happy by any means necessary and I'll give you the key to my back door."

"Shit, for real?"

"Deal or not?" Mei-Zhen verbally dangled her amazing butt in front of me like an apple.

"Oh-kay."

She giggled mischievously into the phone before hanging up. I opened the refrigerator next to the counter as the bell sounded on the microwave. Visions of Mei-Zhen's huge ass bouncing on my junk lulled me into a more malleable mood regarding Edna, but she still presented a problem. I poured myself a premade daiquiri from the large pitcher left inside the fridge. Mei-Hua had recently begun bartending on the side as a hobby that sprouted from one of her modeling gigs. I took a good gulp of the drink soothing my nerves as I placed the pitcher back in the fridge closing the door. I snatched up the bowl intending to resume my perch until "Queen Edna" made her second appearance from the guest room.

"SHIT!!"

The liquor in my mouth sprayed out suddenly as my glass hit the floor. Popcorn flew everywhere all over the kitchen, falling like so much faux snow.

Edna's face and glasses were covered in my backwash as was her considerable cleavage. She apparently walked into the kitchen standing behind the open fridge door. Her height and relative silence made her invisible until I closed the door. She was wearing a white plaid bikini top and some black volleyball style shorts. From the neck down she had a figure that would bring most guys to their knees, well-proportioned despite her short stature. She'd let her sandy brown hair down which seemed to almost blend in with her light olive skin tone. Those volleyball shorts were riding high up on her hips which piqued my curiosity as it looked like she had been hiding a decent ass as well. I felt like the village idiot for the accident, freezing in place waiting for the next shoe to drop.

"47G-33-36; my measurements, for your information mouth breather." I snatched a roll of paper towels down handing Edna one. She almost snatched my hand off, wiping her face.

...to be continued?