All Comments on 'Deviant Dorm Rooms Ch. 10'

I've always suspected that the underlying tension between Kaci and Emily was a personal matter, more than just wanting to have sex with Darin...and the final paragraph solidified it for me.

🔥🔥 excellent chapter!

This gets quite sensual as the tension builds, but I do have two suggestions, which you might want to consider. First, rather than using long chains of dialogue, use more narrative, where you report what characters are saying. This way you provide a bit of variety for the reader, while it also allows you to provide more shading through the authorial voice, and greater layers of depth overall.

Second, lose the Ahgggruuhhahh, etc.

@sevendafordaveal I appreciate the comments. Really! But I gotta admit i vehemently disagree with both points. One of the main reasons i started writing was i grew bored with The lack of dialogue.

I want to hear the characters voices, their slang and their mannerisms. Thats how I get going. Secondly girls moan, guys moan..so I wanna know what each girls' moan sound like. It turns me on.

Dialog is very important I agree. I have told you about being more descriptive with physical descriptions though, which you agreed with and said you'll be working on it, it's been a while and haven't noticed much change and have been checking out for it. Is that still in progress?

@Thrillherbryson Oh yea. I always take comments and suggestions seriously. As far as the descriptions I'm always looking at different ways to creatively introduce and describe characters. Guess as More people weave in and out of my stories and future series I'll try different measures and see whats successful. I'll run by my test readers and see if its a good peragraph . They are the real MVPs There's still a lot of school year left. Thanks for reading though. Looking forward to You and PKPs comments as we get closer to Christmas Break.