All Comments on 'Father's Fall from Grace Pt. 05'

OK, I get, this is your story & it's been good so far but this ch 5, even though a good storyline & I do like it, seems out of place in the storyline. Like maybe it should be chapter 6. You have a week long vacuum where they go from 3some in the shower to Mia taking Andy as her slave, for lack of a better word, with Dad nowhere in it until the supper table. No further discussions between the girls & dad. In a normal situation there would definitely be conversations from Mia after catching Dad banging a woman other than her mom. Him rolling over after muff diving his wife & not following through is plain cold hearted. I do get the being in charge of it. Wife needs brought up to speed on who Andy really is so wife knows her place in it also. JMO but I think there needed to be some lead in to how Mia claimed Andy. Like I said, I do like this but it just seems out of sequence. For that I have to give it a 3. Keep them coming.

Partially agree with anon 1. But only in the aspect of there should have been a segue chapter depicting the week gone by. But make no mistake, IMO, Mia only thinks Andy is her pet. Has this guy, not to mention the story characters LOL, not been paying attention?

Andy is a master manipulator. Whether she needs to play the sub role, or whether she needs to be agressive, she keeps getting her way. And it will continue too. Andy is just getting warmed up. Or again, could be the whole who shot JR dream scenario. Just keep em coming please. 5/5 stars.

Dewey Cheatham

FYI when writing dialogue.

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When writing dialogue, quoted text and the immediate narrative that details who is talking are actually considered parts of the same sentence, such as the following one.

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"Be careful with this one." She laughed.

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Use a comma, not a period, before the closing quote, and pronouns are not capitalized.

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"Be careful with this one," she laughed.

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Question and exclamation marks are enclosed within the quotes, but the entire sentence ends with a period

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"Are you coming?" she asked.

I appreciate the feedback, everyone. Especially to my friend with the dialogue tips.

You know I used to have that locked down in high school, but it's been so long since I've written dialogue that my disciplined atrophied. Thanks a ton for the reminder. I'll make sure to tighten this up in future entries.

Another thing that's been a challenge has been starting the story in 1st person and then expanding out into scenes where the Dad is not present. I felt like my options were to start introducing new POV characters which seemed like it could get away from me pretty quickly.

I decided to switch to 3rd person when Dad's not around. I'm curious if that added to the jarring feeling you mentioned with the time jump. I think next time I'll just begin in 3rd person when I plan to expand into an ensemble cast. Any tips on the best way to move forward with perspectives would be my appreciated.

Thanks again to everyone who's reading this story. You guys rule!

Elijah, A former sex addict, who has been a loyal, dedicated husband and father for decades, who remained faithful even with not having sex with his wife in years, whose sexual dark side was awaked after being seduced by his estranged daughter, has had sex with two of his hot daughters, after eating his hot wifes pussy for the first time in years, just rolls over a falls asleep after his wife grabs his dick insinuating that she wants to be fucked? That make no sense at all.

because of how far you jumped , going past lots stuff , this chapter ..........

ALONG SAID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING , DOING THAT -- this chapter it lost tons of my interest

( p.s. )

Mom , this MIA , she my chemistry class [[[ Mom , this Andy , she my chemistry class ]]]

{{{ SAMANTHA supposedly never met ANDY yet . so therefore . ANDY cannot introduce MIA to SAMANTHA }}}

ELIJAH * or * CONNOR . makeup mind ............... CONNOR * or * ELIJAH . makeup mind