All Comments on 'Friend, Employer, Lover, Dom! Ch. 03'

The damage is done.

Don't continue

I started to read your story and failed. you wrote in the opening that, 'The second installment is about the first day of the groups trip to St. Augustine'. As I read you went from, 'When Krista came inside from her escapade with James', then followed it up with, 'Katie was bright and bubbly'. Which was it Krista or Katie?

You wrote, 'Chris (Katie's husband) was obviously sporting a major hang over', but in chapter one you wrote, 'Josh would kill he and I if he found out'. I assume (bad word) the he is James.

I guess my confusion stems from this part, 'The night before I had accidentally caught Krista and James together on the beach. They were all over each other. They eventually ended up with his cock inside her. Then he ejaculated all over her chest'. Why was James on a vacation with them?

I understand your statement that you are new to writing and you are relating you true life story, great. Before you write another chapter get your names straight even if you want to protect the innocent. By the way if you are in the military you are enlisted not, 'James was a single, in listed Army guy'.

First off - you have "Dom" in your story title. Which means this should have been posted in BDSM. How can you get something so simple, so wrong? Second - drop the "true" story garbage. You're on a porn site, on the world wide web. No one believes a word coming out of your mouth and into the pages. Telling us that something is "true" just makes us laugh at you and does nothing for the story line. There are several parts of this mess that, if true, would make me shake my head in wonder and ask if ANYONE could be THAT stupid? Third - The writing is at the level of a horny teenager. Simply awful. And your dialogue was mostly a joke. Get an editor or try and read several of the highly rated stories on Lit to get a feel for what a well written story looks like. This was laughably bad.

1 star

Why do you keep deleting me? You asked for answers in continuing and I answered you honestly. Do not continue, your audience has spoken. Believe them.

If it works for you as an aphrodisiac, keep going and enjoy!

As it stands, not much there for the rest of us.

If this is a true story account it might be interesting. If it is stick to the facts with out to much embellishments. I think you need to drop the DOM in your title to be honest.

The question I have for you is, DO YOU want to continue? If so continue to tell your story to the finish.

John Brown ain't speaking about his brain when he says big.

SERIOUSLY??? I was thinking that you were late getting it posted since it wasn't already here! LOL! Waiting can be such bitter sorrow!

X-Man

"Let me start by saying that this is a true story." - If this wasn't already a one star story, that would cost it a star. NOBODY. BELIEVES. YOU!