From the Bottom to the Top Ch. 04-05

"I don't want to see, but I need to Son. Play it." At that moment I realized my mother was stronger than I thought. Moving the mouse, I made a few clicks and the videos of Vicki and Abby being raped played side by side.

Tears began to stream down my mother's face as she watched. Her eyes were filled with anguish, but also a steely resolve. Neither Alana or I were able to watch these videos for long without looking away and becoming sick, but my Mom forced herself to watch, never looking away. When they finally completed, she leaned forward into her hands and began to cry in earnest.

"My God what have I done? This is all my fault." She wailed. The grief-stricken way she said this broke my heart, and I put my hand on her shoulder and tried to soothe her. She continued to sob for about ten minutes, before she pulled herself together enough to say, "I know there is more, continue please."

I wanted this over as soon as possible, so I put on multiple videos and increased the playback speed, so they played nearly in fast forward. Mom did not object, she was still able to understand what was on the screen.

My Mom had the look of someone in physical pain, not just emotional pain as she watched the screen, and when we finally reached the end of Vicki's videos, I played the videos of Ricky and Jimmy. Her affect began to change, from grief and despondency, to rage and anger.

"Its true then, he is exactly like his father in every way. I raised a monster into this world." She wiped the tears from her eyes and face and looked at me pleadingly and said "I failed my children, and I must live with that. Please, don't try to tell me its not my fault. Just promise me, promise me you will stop him from hurting more people. Don't let him ruin any more lives, like his father has ruined mine."

I was struck at how she referred to Dad as "his father" as it made more sense to say your father, since I was also his son. But maybe there was truth to Dad's near constant accusations that I was not his son. It was not the time to ask though.

"I promise to try Mom. But if Alana truly told you everything, then you know I plan to not only stop Ricky, but Dad and others as well. It is long past time someone put these sadistic bullies in check."

"Your sister said if I said, 'you would tame Kathryn with your cock' you would know she told me everything," saying this she could help but chuckle at the absurdity, which caused me to laugh as well. Our mutual laughter help release the built-up tension from the emotionally charged situation.

"Mom I am sure this is all very hard for you, but there are things I need to ask you, things I need to know." I was going to push hard for the answers I was seeking, because I felt in her vulnerable state emotionally it would make it harder for her to conceal the truth.

It shamed me to take advantage of her that way, but after the encounter with Abby's Mom, I was aware that there is a great deal that parents conceal from their children.

"I know son, ask me anything."

I decided to start with one of my immediate concerns, "Mom there is always a town car around, and I noticed a man taking pictures, do you know anything about that?" I could tell that was not the question she was expecting, but she answered anyway.

"They work for a private detective that Rick hired to monitor me after you were born. He wanted to divorce me since he knew," she paused, as if to summon the courage to say what she had to "This may or may not shock you, you may even be relieved to know it I don't know, but Rick was not joking when he claimed someone else was not your father."

She paused again letting me process the revelation. She looked at me with worried eyes and continued after I nodded in acknowledgement at the revelation. In truth it was welcome news to me and would make it all the easier for me to destroy him.

"As I was saying he wanted to divorce me, but your grandfather said he could only divorce me if he had proof that I was still cheating. He told Rick it would shame the family if everyone knew he had been cuckolded and would only permit the public embarrassment of a divorce if I continued cheating."

"I have not been with a man since the night I conceived you, so he never got the evidence he wanted. They are much less subtle than they used to be, I think Rick knows they won't see me engaging in an affair, and he continues to have me followed to humiliate and control me."

"Who is my real father Mom." I had to know but was also afraid of who it might be.

She let out a sigh as she continued, "He had me swear to never tell anyone, but I won't lie to you anymore Son. Your Grandfather is your biological father."

I was about to scream, but she held her hand up as if to stop my interruption, "Listen while I explain. Your, well we should continue calling him your grandfather ok, well he truly loved your grandmother. Due to complications during birth, your grandmother only bore the one child, Rick. He was always faithful to her, but she died young from cancer."

"He was devastated son, and in his grief, he shut himself in his house and self-medicated with alcohol."

"Your father was delighted, thinking he might kill himself and Rick would get everything, but I worried about him. He was always so kind to me, as was your grandmother and I also depended on your grandfather to control Rick's baser impulses. So, after a few weeks, I grew concerned enough that I made a lasagna and went over to get him to eat and try to comfort him."

"When I got there, I found him in a drunken stupor, calling out for his departed wife. I went over to him to try to calm him, and he thought I was her. He started crying saying he missed me and couldn't bear to lose me."

"I just melted and played the part of her. We made love and it was the one time in my entire marriage to Rick that I felt love! We kept going and going, and he started sobering up. When he realized who I was, he didn't stop, but he acknowledged me by calling out my name."

"We continued to make love all night, until we fell asleep in each other's arms watching the sun come up." She was speaking with passion at this point, and it hit me, Mom is in love with grandfather, or father, I guess. I waited for her to continue, saying nothing to interrupt her train of thought.

"When we woke up, reality hit us both. We agreed Rick could never know and we thought that was it. But when I became pregnant, I knew Rick would know it wasn't his and I went to your grandfather. We decided then, to protect me from losing my children in a divorce and keep Rick from throwing me and you out on the street."

"Your Grandfather agreed to keep his distance from both you and me so Rick would never be suspicious or threatened by him having a relationship with you. He told me then it would be up to me to love you and take care of you, because I was the only one that could love you. He said Rick would hate you, and he could not be there and made me promise to make up for his absence."

"When you were a baby I tried, but as you grew, so did Rick's hate and anger. I was weak and let my fear control me, so more and more I distanced myself from my own son to protect myself. I will never forgive myself for that son, never!"

"It makes so much sense now Mom, you weren't ashamed of me, or disappointed in me, you were ashamed and disappointed in yourself."

"Yes! Yes, I was, it was never you son! You were my child born of love, but I was too weak to be the mother you deserved! Had I just had the courage to leave so much would be different!"

She began crying uncontrollably again, and I started to cry again to. I went to her and held her in my arms, rocking her gently to soothe her.

"Mom the past is the past, I love you, and no one will ever come between us again, I promise." My words seemingly were having a positive effect, so I kept talking, "I have no regrets, because I am proud of the man I am today, and happy that I didn't turn out like Rick or Ricky. I am strong now because of it all, so please don't be sad. Be happy we have each other now, because I am."

She calmed down a bit and looked up into my eyes, "How did one son turn out so evil when he was given all the love in the world, and another son, who was treated with so much abuse be so good and loving?"

"I dunno Mom, I dunno." After a long pause of just holding her and stroking her hair, I realized we had a lot more to talk about before the night was through.

"Mom I feel like you need to know that I am not going to stop with Alana or anyone else unless they want to. I don't want that to come between us, but now that you know about the physical relationship, it needs to be said."

"Son, love is never wrong, and our family needs as much love as possible right now. I give it my blessing! It brings you two closer I can tell, and I just want my children to be happy, and it makes you both happy."

There was a subtext we both recognized that Mom and I would have a physical relationship soon to. Not that night, it was not the right time or context, but both of us knew with a certainty it would happen soon. Still there was more I needed to ask.

"Are you mad about my spying?"

"No in a strange way, it feels comforting, like I have a guardian angel watching over me. You should try to expand your coverage though; I can give you some money for cameras if you need it."

I would definitely take her up on that. It opened a lot of possibilities. I kept going.

"Mom, are Rick and Chrissy the same as Ricky and Jimmy?"

Mom pulled from my arms and looked like she was thinking. "I don't know for certain. Chrissy has always been very submissive towards Rick, but I never caught them in a compromising situation. Of course, after you were conceived, Rick basically moved out. He hates to be humiliated and living with a wife who cuckolded him, and another man's son was unbearable to him."

"It is not common knowledge, but Rick has a penthouse apartment in LA, and that's where he lives. He only comes home at all to keep up appearances to appease your grandfather. If they are doing things together, that'd be where they do them."

She looked thoughtful for a moment and added, "Jennifer says Chrissy likes to dress like a woman and have her use a strap on with him, so he fits the bill. By the way, you are not wrong about her, she is interested in, well you know what."

I knew exactly what "you know what" was, but I wanted to push a little to lighten the mood up. "Mom I don't, what do you mean?" It was hard to keep a straight face.

Looking exasperated she said, "You are terrible! Your cock! Your big fat pussy splitter! Is that want you want me to say! When she calls you fatty now, she says she means your cock, which I bet means you won't hate that nickname as much anymore."

When she was done, she was smiling, so I felt mission accomplished, but I still hated the nickname.

"Actually no, I still hate it. But I am sure I can convince her to stop using it now."

"Anyway, what I do know about Rick is he is a sadist, like Ricky, and when we were still having sex, it involved a lot of bondage and punishments. I put up with it because he was my ticket to the good life or so I thought. I was very naïve back then."

"Rick is very close with Kathryn and Ricky, and they spend time with him at the country club playing golf and tennis. I don't know if that information helps you, but I don't have much."

"All of it is helpful Mom. Hey what's wrong"

"I know its ridiculous, but I feel terrible, like I am betraying my children. I know the truth, but I still love them son, I guess I just feel torn apart."

"Mom, I promise you this, I may have started out seeking revenge, but I will figure out a way for Ricky and Kathryn to pay for their sins without completely destroying them. They must be punished, because they cannot be allowed to have no consequences for what they've done."

"Somehow, someway, I will find a way to reform them and make them into people capable of loving other people. For you I make this promise, because I know you love them. The more I learn, the more I realize I can't make this about me and satisfying my desire for pay back."

"What this needs to be about ending the carnage caused by this family and making us all into a family worthy of its reputation." I meant every word, even as I wondered how in the hell I would achieve such lofty goals.

"Oh, thank you my sweet boy!" she gave me a huge hug and a short kiss on the lips. "That is just what I needed to hear! I will help however I can, just let me know. But it's getting late, and I know you want your rest before the big debut at school tomorrow, so goodnight Son."

Before I could say a word, she was headed up the stairs. I was physically and emotionally exhausted so without even getting undressed I just passed out on my bed into a dreamless sleep.