Jamaican Beauties Jaunt Ch. 05

However, rather than her recent signature on the emails documenting her completion of a challenge, "Your Uninhibited Friend," she closed that night's email with, "A Prudish Jamaican Girl," and added the postscript, "I hereby withdraw from the Seven Progressive Challenges. Despite my limited successes at being uninhibited, I have found that I am unable overcome my self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. Therefore, I concede that I am indeed a prude! I will soon repost that fact on my Facebook wall."

Denise followed the postscript with a post-postscript telling Will, "This challenge taught me much about myself. However, it has also given rise to a new concern. I am afraid that had I continued down the path that the challenge was taking me, I would have become addicted to exhibiting myself in public. At night, I had vivid dreams about dancing naked as I try to seduce a man. Whilst at work, I daydreamed of exposing myself at construction sites. When I was out to dinner or having drinks with friends, I often thought about dancing naked before them. I'm afraid I've become obsessed with exposing my big, ugly body."

Denise copied the series of photos Jackson took of Michelle and her at the bar and while they were dancing together and burned them to a formatted CD. She wrote, "Michelle & Denise AKA: MAD photos as promised" onto the CD, slipped it into one of the mailing pouches she used for work and submitting her articles for publishing, and printed Michelle's address on the pouch. As she'd promised Michelle she would, Denise would stop by the post office on her way to work and post the CD.

After reading Denise's confusing message, Will immediately prepared and sent her a long email. He first thanked her for accepting and participating in the Seven Progressive Challenges. Secondly, he expressed his hope that she had gained some insights about the joy and excitement of an uninhibited lifestyle. He next told her that he fully understood her fears of becoming addicted to exhibitionism and explained that she need not worry about losing control because, in actuality, she was, and would continue to be, in charge of herself and the situation as long as she kept her head.

As he read her email and prepared his reply, Will repeatedly gave himself a mental kick in the ass, and chastised himself. He continually reminded himself how stupid he'd been. At one point, Will got up from his computer and walked around the room, complaining, "What a dolt you were. You knew you had to take it easy and go slow, after all, how many times had she told you about her embarrassment at being full-figured? Hell, it took her years to enjoy dancing on the Bacchanal Road March float, she had a miserable time in Arts School because her so-called friends continually told her she wasn't fashionably thin, and you saw in her photos and conversation that it was difficult for her to open up in public. Yet you got greedy and pushed her! You pushed too fast and too far."

* * * * *

Denise kept to herself for almost four weeks. She only left her apartment to go to work, workout at the gym, or buy groceries. She stopped going out dancing at the area clubs and seldom visited her favorite Internet chat rooms. Instead, she stayed in her apartment, sitting in her easy chair, wondering and complaining, "Why did I ever take Will's stupid Seven Progressive Challenges. I knew that as long as Will was involved with the challenges, I would have to expose myself to strangers as well as people I knew. I knew that if Vondra and her friends ever saw me, they would complain about my exposing my over-sized, disproportionate body in public. Yet, I somehow let Will and mother convince me to take those stupid challenges."

As she sat alone, bemoaning her foolhardiness, Denise repeatedly exclaimed to herself, "All I ended up doing was exposing and embarrassing myself. I had no business thinking I was beautiful and people wouldn't mind if I showed a bit more of my body than was normally expected. It was stupid to think no one would object to my engaging in lesbian sex in public. I was deluded to believe people would enjoy watching an oversized, ungainly girl stripping and dancing naked in a nightclub. I was an idiot to think I could, or even should try to become an uninhibited exhibitionist. I'm not like my mother; I'm not beautiful, exciting, and outgoing. I'm just a disproportioned and ungainly cow."

* * * * *

Will spent Thanksgiving weekend alone, upset, and worried. Whenever he tried to contact Denise for their daily chat, she was never online.

Sunday evening, not having chatted with her since Wednesday, Will was concerned for her wellbeing and angry with himself. Working on drowning his sorrows, he refilled his third glass of wine, and continued to chide himself, "I always had weeks and sometimes a month to savor my accomplishments after each challenge. I gave Denise only days, a week at most. She had no time to savor or appreciate how she had overcome her concerns and fears, to enjoy her accomplishment, to relish her satisfaction in achieving the challenge, to savor the joy of accomplishing the tasks. She never really had an opportunity to enjoy the excitement she experienced. Instead, I gave her a major challenge and compounded the problem because I made her wait to accomplish it. She probably spent the weekend thinking about the challenge, preparing for, and worrying about whether she could go through with it. She was undoubtedly confused, with feelings of excitement and dread. As a result, the first time she was embarrassed, her old feelings took over. I'm such a dolt!"

Will tried to talk to her, he checked all the chat rooms she frequented and when he could not find her he spent the rest of the evening drinking too much wine and chastising himself. After a week of trying, he found her in a chat room, and quickly messaged her asking, "Are you okay? DO you need any help? Can we talk?" She ignored him and immediately logged out of the room. He sent her an email asking the same three questions and adding, "Do I need to fly to Kingston so we can talk?" She used his email to reply to him with a terse message, "No. No! NO! Absolutely NOT!"

Will consoled himself saying, "At least she's alive."

During the rest of the holiday season Will continued to check if Denise was logged onto any of her favorite chat rooms and to send her daily emails asking if she wanted to talk or needed help. She rarely logged onto her favorite chat rooms, logged off whenever he tried to contact her, and never again replied to his emails. That is, until the week before Christmas when he received another terse email. She'd forwarded an email informing her of his gift certificate at an online women's clothing website. Her message simply stated, "Will, Thank you for the Christmas gift. It was thoughtful of you. Denise."

Other than spending Christmas weekend at his parents—it was a previously accepted invitation Will could not refuse or cancel—Will spent four weeks alone and miserable, leaving his house only to buy a few groceries and a lot of wine.

* * * * *