All Comments on 'Lucky first timer Ch. 02'

Ok, I know this is your first story and I also know you are trying to find your writing style. I think two of the most important things in a story is the story line and the characters. They have to flow together. The characters must be interesting and the reader must relate to them in some way. Remember, this is fiction and you control what the characters say, do, where they go, ect. One of the things I look for in a story is the dialogue or banter between the characters. If the characters interact with each other that increases the chance the reader will stay with the story. I only gave your two chapters a 3 and everything I wrote is my opinion. Keep writing and you will improve.

too much speech without enough narration to break it up. "Show, don't tell" is a good thing to keep in mind.

Other than that, great work

I've read part one and I see major improvement in your writing style. Your sense of grammar and paragraph structure are much improved. Keep writing!