All Comments on 'Sisterhood - A Little Game'

Not sure what to make of this one. Cute premise. Some nice sisterhood drama and suspense. Maybe a little pet interaction to build out some characters a little. But, frustratingly very little tangible sex that I can get into. Sure, Mari getting a good tongue lashing, but with more of the focus on Ellen's thoughts it seems like Mari is relegated to the background. Still a fun little exercise, but not something that builds on anything really. Oh well, I can't have everything I want all the time I guess.

Thanks dkelley2112 for taking the time to give me your thoughts once again. And for the extra feedback you sent me me by email. It is really appreciated. This scene has had the most lukewarm reaction so far, both here and on HF. It is also one of the ones I am least happy with myself. I am planning a bigger role for Ellen in the longer-term story, so I wanted to get her voice and her motivations out there. Then I thought, hmm this is a porn story so I had better give her a facesitting lesbian group massage too. Maybe that didn't quite cohere with the expository part. I'm wondering whether I should have gone for her just enjoying a romantic anal reaming with Lisa. But I guess I might still write that too.

It's not that any of us would complain about a good face sitting from the sex beast Louise and being lovingly squashed by a ton of sex focused mainly on her pussy, but I think it needs more visuals to be enjoyed.

Ellen's musings are insightful but feel maybe a little contrived or forced. I believe she's a smarter player than maybe you have written her here, not sure. It's tough to work in an all encompassing goddess inspired full body quaking orgasm, sisterhood politics, pet games and whatever Mari is doing there and still make sense of the scene. My tiny brain can only focus on so much at a time. Once we start discussing Ellen's ample breasts falling to the side as she gets her massage on and tasting Louise's musk, tang and everything else my brain gets foggy. Probably from the lack of blood flow heading that direction as well, but still.

I just think you tried to fit in too much there. Probably needed some more exposition, maybe split into two scenes. Maybe have the discussion of who bet on whom in a different context, not sure what I would do myself. I know who I would do, that's easy.