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Click hereBalia on the other hand... he wasn't sure if he hated her, but his love for her had been snuffed out from what he decided had already been a dimming and likely already doomed flame even before last night. He could never forgive her for that arrow, even if the feelings behind it had been justified. He wasn't yet sure what fate he would decide for her tomorrow, but Zea had been right in her reluctant explanation that death was the only one that the law accepted, and the only one the other leaders his own people would consider appropriate. He shook her from his thoughts, not wanting to let her win by ruining this beautiful day.
Finally the cleric finished his speech shouting out with a smile, and raised his hands for the crowd to honour the King and Queen. They cheered and Vol and Zea smiled at each other as he invited them to seal the bond of their love with a kiss.
She reached up to wrap her arms around his neck and he clasped her waist. Their lips came together in a long heavy passionate display for the cheering crowd as they roared even louder.
She finally let him go and looked up with a cute satisfied smile and he grinned back with a deep happiness coursing through him like he'd never felt before. They stepped away from each other to let the cleric step forward between them.
He held out a large scroll opening it in front of him for the crowd to see and boomed out the official proclamation "King Volren of Kelvia, and Queen Zarina of Alanaris, are hereby wed! May their reign be long and p-..."
The clerics words cut off as an arrow ripped through the paper of the scroll and sunk deep into his chest. He staggered back a step, confused shock on his face, and then sank to his knees. His breath gurgled, and then he fell forward, collapsing face-first on to the marriage scroll, soaking it with his blood as he died.
Gasps, screams, and yells surrounded Vol as he acted on instinct and lunged forward to Zea, pulling her close and shielding her body with his from in the direction the arrow had come. He moved them quickly away from the front of the platform and behind a row of soldiers that was already forming.
Chaos and commotion filled the walls and the palace courtyard as commanders barked orders and the crowd nearly started to boil to a panic.
Vol and Zea were ushered into the palace under heavy guard and the noise of the courtyard faded away. He held her close, still more worried about her life than anything else. She wasn't scared, but furious, demanding to send a soldier to check on the dungeons.
A while later her fears were confirmed. Balia had escaped.
After an hour, it was decided that the palace was secure. The lone assassin, dressed entirely in grey, had been spotted on the top of a rampart just before she jumped off to lower herself down with a rope to the street outside the palace, and had vanished without a trace. The soldiers hadn't seen the face but Vol and Zea both had no doubt who it had been.
As a final confirmation, lieutenant Leffker walked in holding a bloody piece of paper.
"King Volren, we found this under the clerics body, attached to the arrow. I thought you'd want to see."
Volren took the paper, the words almost smeared away from the blood, but legible enough:
- To the Betrayer King and the Liar Queen. I have decided to let you live, with the knowledge that your nights, your marriage, and your realm, shall never know peace, as long as I am still alive. - Balia.
Zea ripped it in two, crumpled it and threw it away, "Search the city! Close off the gates and patrol the camp and the plain!"
"We already are your highness."
Zea's angry tear-filled face turned to Vol and she squeezed him almost painfully tight, digging her fingers into his side as she stared off in anger. Vol pulled her into him strongly and protectively, kissing her hair and closing his eyes with a sigh.
**********
Balia looked back at the city from the plain, at the sound of fireworks going off above the palace. So, she hadn't ruined the celebration completely. At least she had got her message across, and had managed to get away.
She knew it was a reckless risk to fire that arrow rather than running away as soon as she could, even though she had been more careful to plan a quick escape this time. It was a day of embellishing her desires though. She only wondered whether she should have killed one of them. She couldn't decide which of them she would kill though, and in the end decided that letting them live in fear, and doing her best to make their reign fail, and hopefully become hated by their people, had more potential for vengeance. She would make no martyrs of them. Not yet anyway.
She looked to the northwest and wondered if she could make it back to Kelvia before word of her crimes reached them there. Then she could gather and plan before disappearing again to the borderlands as the outlaw she was destined to be. Perhaps she could convince some of the Kelviks remaining there to join the rebellion that she had planned.
Not that she wanted to lead. Zarina was right in that, she admitted. Balia simply wanted to see them fail. To be a thorn in their side they could never pluck out. She wasn't sure how or where she would start, but she could leave that planning for later.
For now, she would put as much distance between her and them as she could in one night. She wondered if any were after her already. She almost hoped they were. She could use a good fight, to take out some of her anger.
Or, perhaps a merchant cart could be found already setting out with lax security now that the nation was at peace again. One that she could subdue on her own, and take out her frustrations in another way. Maybe a young reckless merchant, with valuable wares... that he would not want to relinquish.
She gave a bitter smile and set off, feeling more free than she had in some time.
- The End.
- COMMENTS
Anonymous5 months agoI very much enjoyed this story. From a fantasy story viewpoint it's solid, but the real excitement comes from the love triangle situation and the emotions involved with it.
Volren is a likable main protagonist who you put into a tough position with Zea's choice of ravishment: Do what rationalism, tradition, and his desire for the utterly attractive queen demand, or follow a warrior's honor of keeping his promise to the woman he loved to this point? Everything speaks in favor of the decision he made, but I still feel disappointed that he neither managed to keep his promise to Balia nor speak to her before he fully gave in to Zea's urges for his wedding agreement.
Zea's motivations are comprehensible. A smart, ambitious, and passionate woman, willing to do everything necessary to achieve her goals: Rule wisely with a man of her choosing who will treat her as an equal. I didn't like how she's doing everything possible to bring a wedge between Vol and Balia, even if she has a pretty precise grasp of Balia's shortcomings but I could understand her motivation in doing so. However, I absolutely disliked her gloating over Balia down in the dungeon. Haughty bitch.
Finally, Balia. Yes, she is a flawed person, who can't hold a candle to Zarina, but she was willing to put her personal interests aside when she offered Vol to put his seed inside her. This gesture of her (as reluctantly given as it was) should have been worth him keeping her promise to her. Instead he thoroughly betrayed her and subjectively treated her like garbage. Sure, she acted rashly and murderously, but in some way, Zea and Vol had it coming. I liked the ending with Balua sending a clear message to both of them w/o killing either of them, though I don't like her final thoughts about potential victims. Instead I would love a sequel with a strong redemption arc for Balia. A story in which she isn't consumed by a thirst for revenge but matures and learns from her shortcomings. Balia will never be a cunning woman as Zarina but at she can regain her honor.
MisterMordin6 months agoZea is a seriously ambitious bitch, the first time she doesn't get her way she will betray Vol without a moments thought.
Go Balia!
Anonymousover 1 year agoWell…. Yes, a well written and great example of how much of a complete and utterly despicable, faithless, traitorous, and treacherous character humankind is capable of… but who wants to read about that?
Anonymousabout 2 years agoOne rarely encounters such excellent fantasy story telling as The Conquered's Choice- gritty, riveting, dramatic, with some excellent and descriptive love scenes that, while too short, always serve to advance the overall story rather than hinder it. One can only hope that this author will offer readers another great fantasy story, of which there are too few.
coax_mealmost 3 years agoAuthorThanks for the feedback! Both positive and critical (it's the most helpful in the end). I'm amazed that these stories got the traction they did. Before I published it I thought I was maybe too self-indulgent with the world-building and character development and half-expected the criticisms to be 'just get to the sex already', but I'm pleasantly surprised it's almost the opposite.
I'm sorry if this felt like a bait and switch, that wasn't really the intent. If I can defend it a bit though, the betrayal tag and warning was right there, besides Feldig's premonition...
This was a seduction fantasy at its core. My premise when I first started writing was, what could make a guy like Vol be so intensely and hopelessly seduced that he'd leave his betrothed and not even regret it in the morning. And then the story just kinda got away on me (*shrugs*).
If I could go back, I'd try to make Balia more 'problematic' in her personality and they way she treats Vol, ...it IS supposed to be a heartbreak, and a tragedy though (with an illicitness to the sex), but if it got the point of sadistic then I apologize.
None of the main characters are intended as simplistic heros or villians, the idea is they all mostly try to do what they feels is right, or what they feel they have to (in the context of honour/tradition/politics), and still the crazy events unfold, as a sort of inevitable half-tragedy that in the end is for the best.
I don't intend to continue this, at least not in any immediate sense. I have another multi-part story teed up for the next little bit. But, maybe in the future, something in the same timeline/realm at least could happen.
Thanks so much for reading, and the again for the helpful comments. I appreciate it and it hopefully I can continue to improve.
Ilfen1almost 3 years agoAlright. I read your other story and now I understand. The betrayal theme is kinda your thing. In that case I just have unreserved praise for this story so far. It's probably not to everyone's tastes as the other comment shows, but everything else is really stellar.
I can kinda get into the head-space for it, but it really helps if you make the one being cuckolded someone who's unlikable, so that it's easier to accept.
Ilfen1almost 3 years agoA riveting read. The pacing, action and most of all the sex were all masterfully done. The sex in particular was hot, and also really original.
Thank you so much for putting this out there.
I did have some reservations on how the events were affecting the hero's integrity, and was surprised by the plot developments given that I had pigeonholed the story into a kind of "Hero" genre where a faultless protagonist lives in an ideal world and can solve every problem with his honor intact. It seems clear now that's not how you intend the story.
I did feel kinda sorry for Balia all through the first 7 pages until her betrayal came. The passion with which Vol and Zea consummated their love - hot as it was - was verging on a kind of cuck/cuckquean fetish where the reader gets off on how hurt the cheated party would feel and their inferiority to the one who supplants them... but then the story as a whole wasn't giving off this vibe so I still held out hope that everything could be solved amicably between the love triangle.
I feel the biggest issue with the plot is with Balia's betrayal. It felt sudden, but sort of understandable given that she's a hot-headed warrior maiden. My main gripe was that it felt like she was being shoe-horned into being a villain. Similarly, it felt like that you were trying really hard to make us like Zea with her repeatedly swearing her devotion to the protagonist. Well it worked. I really like Zea, but her rushing Vol still feels kinda wrong some how.
My only conclusion is that you intend for these to be complex characters, or at least ones who will have to deal with a lot of inner struggle ahead. I eagerly await the next installment.
Anonymousalmost 3 years agoI appreciate the story writing capabilities but I am not impressed with the character of our Hero. He seemed to have such a strong personality and sense of Justice but a sudden and complete turnaround of him was a turn off for me. Otherwise the Story was well written. thanks
