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Click hereMoritzia looking hot in her leather harness with her cute nipples fully erect, just blushed.
After the dinner, Neck motioned to Frau Sprengler that he needed to have a few words in private with her as most of the rest of the group headed for Justine's BDSM club.
"I gather you know something," Frau Sprengler said.
"Well, I am working pretty hard to get Lena out of the Free States, but it ain't easy."
"And you are doing this out of a sense of charity and duty," Frau Sprengler said ironically.
"Hell no, although it will cost me money if she ever gets off the boat.'
"So, I'm thinking that Lena has something on you."
"Yep, an might have on you too. Lena managed to get a message out that there were more than two copies of the documents on the Leanne Van Cleft issue and the EU commissioner that will be released if she get's desperate enough to act out of spite. 'News about Leanne will come out any time I decide there is no hope,' is what a note I got said. The note was written in lipstick on toilet paper, an delivered by some guy who said he got it from some guy who had no idea how she got it off the boat. I think she's got a lot of people helpin her, maybe even the ship captain, who's about as devoted to Lena as poor ole Killer. Lena's like one of those mafioso who run their operations from prison.
"Lena seems also to have had her friend, presumably that Schnupper guy, send a copy of the front page of the data Lena collected on the EU commissioner to me. With the continuin Lena story, Schnupper has become something of a celebrity himself, and the greedy bastard has written a book and is doin a book tour on his work with Lena and an experience on Big Nosed Kate. Schnupper even has two or three employees now, includin a bodyguard. I think Lena gave him a bunch of dough before Lena got busted, and he was able to start makin money off of his work for Lena.
"That explains where some of the Kultur, Sex and Sport money went," Frau Sprengler said.
"Yep, and I wouldn't be too comfortable if I was you. I don't think she took too kindly to you turnin over one of the copies of the proof of the EU commissioner thing, an I suspect that loverboy Killer told her that you'd told him that he should detain her for her own good. Don't know if it would look for you if Lena somehow told the world that you had evidence of corruption at the EU and covered it up.
"Lena, silly girl, is head over heels for Killer and blames herself for her situation, but I don't think for a minute that she plans to spend the rest of her life on the Everleigh. She expects you an me to help come up with the lawyers, guns and money to get her off the boat. I don't know what cards that insanely clever nympho bitch has left, but I don't think I wanna see em. There's a shitload of players here, though."
There was a pause before Frau Dir. Marlene Sprengler said, "It is clear that there are a lot of forces at play in the Free States and the EU. I think, Neck, that Lena learned of them before she was arrested. I think also we can even profit from keeping Lena from doing something suicidal that would harm all of us."
- COMMENTS
xyz1234466 months agoThat’s the thing though - you do have the knack and that’s why readers are mad.
I did not necessarily mean BDSM in disguise is the only way people read those stories. But perhaps consider you as author as the “dom” and the reader as a “sub” and analyze how the story as a “scene” brings “pleasure” (cushions) or “pain” (miserableness) to the reader. Does the reader come out feeling the way you want them to?
Here the amount of time spent on the “cushions” pales in ratio to “miserableness” and so you’re *mad* when you finish the chapter! You can write stories with that goal in mind, but having a more balanced part followed by a less balanced part isn’t going to be taken well.
Gortmundy6 months agoI think that would be an error Roseyfingers, but its not my place to say what you should do. What I will say is that this story was/is very well written, and if it evokes some feeling in the reader because of the plot then that is a good sign. Just because I found a few bits somewhat irritating, probably because of the setting (I hate religious nutters, and I really hate bad guys getting away with it) does not mean you "don't have the knack". My annoyance was certainly not due to bad writing, probably quite the reverse. I probably just empathise with your protagonist a bit too much and dont like the idea of her being so badly treated by bad guys I despise. I want her to "win". So I think you very much DO "have the knack." Remember: Illegitimi non carborundum.
roseyfingers6 months agoAuthorthank you xyz. I think you put your finger on the contradiction in my stories but it is intentional. One of my points is that only a terrible set of circumstances could make slavery legal again and that if that happened it would not be very pleasant. I have cushioned that. I have designed my main protagonists so that they are somewhat less miserable than the normal slave would be and have not focused on the really sad cases. Also, I have added all sorts of whimsical elements and satirical asides that some people might see as funny. But it is comedy horror. Also, maybe you are right that the normal legal sex slavery stories are seen as fun because they are seen as basically BDSM in disguise without that safe words and other back story but I did not read them that way. Anyway, I am planning currently to finish Wild West and retire as a Literotica writer. I plainly don't have the knack.
xyz1234466 months agoYou say the “victim” has to derive some pleasure and we see the words on the page, but it doesn’t have the same effect (impact) on the reader. The “vibes” remain “negative” through entire chapters. That’s why I was wondering if this was 100% intentional and you were intending to do a deconstruction of a certain type of story/setting. I think you succeeded there if that’s what you wanted to do, but you keep saying you didn’t intend that?
Perhaps said another very meta way (and do not take this at all literally, just explore how things feel from the perspective)… many read a NC story either implicitly or explicitly as the BDSM “play” without the “framing device”. After all, the reader and author are “consenting” and the browser’s back button is the safe wor). From this perspective the *reader* needs to *feel* the “pleasure from the sexual activity”. Think about avicia’s 34th stories from that perspective - the setting has enough elements of farce and there is enough balance in text between pleasure and oppression that it *could* maybe be what you’re imagining playing out in a bdsm “scene” thats satisfying for everyone involved. From this perspective your realism comes across as “stop having fun, this is a serious subject!” And of course it is, and of course you can write about terrible dystopias and everyone should feel bad about it! But from your comments and text in your bio I think you weren’t trying to simply write the latter? That’s what’s confusing and likely why you’re getting mixed feedback deep into the story.
Gortmundy6 months agoIve been thinking about this, and trying to figure out why the story vexed me. You're right, you've not gone in for over-the-top garish descriptions of wanton acts, and Ive written more violent stuff myself. I'm beginning to think its the setting. The abuses portrayed are systemic, built into the backround and the people running the boats and touting the fundamentalist crazy are just so utterly despicable that the very thought of them doing this (and not getting hanged or shot) makes the blood simmer a bit. If so, then well done, that's good writing. Yea, I wonder if that's it.
