A Throuple Of Things

The visit we'd made to the vineyard a couple of weeks earlier showed Ed the view and reminded Helen of how much she loved the place. They chose it as the venue for their wedding.

Helen invited her best friend Sarah from her school days. I'd met her a couple of times and she came to our wedding. Ed invited his oldest friend Carl a real lad type. That may have been a mistake.

Sarah approached me before the service asking "Greg, what's going on? I don't understand. She didn't say anything about you two getting divorced and now you're here. Why wouldn't she tell me something like that?"

"Look Sarah, everything will become clear. Just stick around ok?"

Then it was Carl's turn to have an opinion "It must be weird walking your ex wife down the aisle to marry a work colleague? I know I couldn't do it. I'd have rather punched him and shown her up as the slut she is. No offence but my divorce was obviously less amicable than yours."

I wasn't sure how I was going to handle this guy. He sure was opinionated and with rather a different outlook on life than mine.

"It's good to have you here, Carl." Was all I could manage. They'd all know the truth soon enough.

I stood at the bar, ordered a bourbon and necked it ordering another. "Dutch courage bro?" I smiled. "Absolutely Ed. I'm not ready for this."

"Well you might want to put your boss head on and get ready, because in about ten minutes you have a speech to make. The curator is about to start." He slapped my shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

I gave a slow deep breath knocked the bourbon back and turned to face my... our fate.

Helen looked angelic. Apt since she was Ed's angel. Her long, fitted, white halter dress reached almost to her ankles with a long split up the left leg. Sparkling silver low heeled shoes allowed Ed to keep his dignity as they could at least stay the same height. Hair tied back in a tight bun and sultry makeup. If I wasn't already married to her I'd have been awfully jealous of him.

Ed wore grey suit pants a dinner shirt, green and black paisley cravat and a Nehru style dinner jacket. They both looked like a poster for happiness.

I made my way to Helen in the gazebo kissing her hand as I met her eyes. "You really are beautiful". She giddily smiled. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

I gave a nod for the music to start and the harp began playing Canon in D as we walked out and down the red carpet. All their friends and members of their families looking on confused at my presence. A few minutes and they would be less, or perhaps even more confused. As we neared the curator I took Helen's hand from my arm and placed it into Ed's hand giving them both a squeeze as I did.

After a short pause the curator began. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this beautiful location and thank you for coming to share in the joining of Edward Ferguson and Helen Moyles. It's always a special occasion when two people decide to spend their lives together and I can see that these two people are very much in love." He looked at each of them smiled and continued. "I have been asked to perform a variation on the usual service so without further hesitation we'll begin."

I stood two steps behind Helen looking into the gathering and noticed some whispering going on. Still confused and maybe a little unhappy that I was present. The crowd had no idea that I'd altered the curator's lines to include our whole outlook.

"As individuals we have a responsibility to look after ourselves. As a couple we have a responsibility to look after each other and as a group we have a responsibility to look after everyone involved. As Edward and Helen commit to this new life, they accept and welcome each other's past as well. They agree that they are more when together than when they are apart. Love is not a prison, it is a freedom."

He turned to me and asked "Do you have the rings?"

I pulled a box from my inside pocket and passed it over.

"These rings as you may notice are circles. The circle is a symbol of completion. They have no start and they have no end. A continuous path. Edward and Helen believe that their lives are a circle. That their path was destined to converge and continue. That they have always been connected although not always together. The rings now symbolise their connection and togetherness, without beginning or end. Edward please take Helen's ring." Ed picked it up. "Helen please take Edward's ring. "Helens hand was shaking as she lifted it.

"Edward, do you take Helen as your wife, to love, to help, to protect and to create new adventures with?"

"Yes I do!" He replied and placed the ring on her right ring finger.

Helen, do you take Edward as your husband, to love, to help, to protect and to create new adventures with?"

"Absolutely!" She replied and placed his ring on his right ring finger.

"Congratulations. You are now married."

Through wide smiles they kissed. Their first kiss in view of other people who knew them. As they ended the kiss I stepped into the place of the curator. My teeth again bouncing in my gums. "I'd like to congratulate Ed and Helen. The two most important people in my world." I paused looking at some of the faces in the crowd. "Many of you are wondering about mine and Helen's divorce," gasps, groans and whispers ensued. The cynics judging me for mentioning a divorce at a wedding. "There hasn't been a divorce. Helen and I are still very happily married." She lifted her left hand to show the ring. "Today we've welcomed Ed into our lives and our home. We don't expect any of you to fully understand but we do ask you to accept it because it won't be changing. I love Helen, my wife. I love Ed, my new brother and they love each other. The bar is open and the first drink is on me."

I stepped off to the side leaving the couple in front of the crowd initiating the next song, and man what a song for the situation.

The beat started playing interspersed with piano drops. Then the rap. Guessed it yet?

OPP by Naughty By Nature. "Who thinks It's wrong 'cos I'm splitting and co-hittin' that?"

It was lost on most of the crowd but even just the tune was memorable. I laughed internally as it played, tapping my legs to the beat as I headed to the bar.

"What the fuck was that?" Helen's sister asked with a raised voice. "Talking about your divorce at my sister's wedding."

"Didn't you listen to what I said Faye? Even a little bit?"

"You shouldn't even be here. I'm glad she divorced you!"

"Always good to speak to you Faye." I said pleasantly. Remember that nightmare scenario? Yeah, my bollocks were on show and everyone was going to want to take a punt.

I carried on walking towards the bar as Elle and Sean intercepted me. "Very, very brave. I don't think you've got too many fans in the crowd. They're all 'consoling' Helen. Maybe you should have left that speech out?"

"No. I'm sick of hiding it. It needed saying so we can just get on with life. Anyway how's are you two getting on these days?"

Elle gave a wink. "We're working on things. Boundaries." She kissed Sean and they walked off holding hands. At least they understood.

Two steps and there was Sarah. It felt like it was going to be a long night. "Sarah, look I just want to get a drink and then you can take a swing at me too."

"Actually Greg, I think it's rather refreshing. A strong woman taking two husbands. It could be a romantic novel or a straight to tv film. She looks happy with him."

"She is. Very."

"So no divorce?" She asked.

"So you heard me say it? I did say that while I was talking? I was sure I had, but some people must have missed that part of my speech."

"Mind if I ask, are you and Ed....?"

"Oh god No. I'm strictly vagitarian."

"But they....?"

"Yes." I replied. "A lot."

"And you're ok with that? I mean, you're ok with them....?"

"Sarah you can use the words. I've heard them before. They have sex, they fuck, they knock boots, he checks the oil and she lubricates the dipstick."

Sarah raised her hand to her mouth as she giggled. "You're funny and I can see why she still loves you."

"Thanks. Can I buy you a drink?"

"First round was on you anyway."

"Then I'll buy your second round too." I offered as we began to walk towards the bar.

Three steps. I was making a progress. At that rate I was going to die of thirst before getting to the bar. This time it was Carl the lad. "Nice little service, and your speech was something too. So you're married to her and now she's married to him. Isn't that bigamy?"

"No, Carl. It's not bigamy because this isn't a legal wedding. It's symbolic."

"Symbolic?" He asked. I wondered if he actually knew what the word meant. I guessed not so I tried to explain it.

"Yes, symbolic. As in it symbolises their commitment to the relationship as a real wedding would. It looks like a wedding, it must be a wedding. But without paperwork."

"So you're a cuck then?"

"Don't push your luck, Carl!"

"He's going to be plowing your wife's sweet arse later on while you go back home to your hand. Am I right?"

Dangerous. I was on a knife edge. I was no cuckold. I hated that term. The derogatory name given to so called wimps who allow themselves to be humiliated for pseudo sexual gratification. I'd looked into the 'lifestyle' terms and cuckold did not fit me although it was a name given by people who had no clue of the situation. The term that fitted me best was stag. Helen was the vixen and Ed was her bull. After the wedding we might have to rewrite the names in the new dynamic. I needed to word this carefully. I wasn't about to bend to his pressure of label shaming.

"I don't judge. It's why I can be here without animosity. Live and let live. Isn't happiness more important than selfishness?" Nice.

"You're an interesting chap. Wrong, but interesting. If you can be happy with another guy fucking your wife then in my opinion you're a pussy cuckold. Again no offence."

"Call me a cuckold again and I'll show you who's the pussy!" I whispered in his ear before I left him to ponder his small minded view of his tiny world and get myself a beer.

Agitated I walked to the bar to get a pint adding a shot of bourbon to the order. It was supposed to be a happy day but Carl had taken a slice out of my zen. The bar tender passed my shot and I finished it in one taking the pint to keep me company. I turned from the bar to find the happy couple only to see Carl walking in. 'Here we go again' I thought. 'Shit is about to hit the fan'

"Listen, Greg. I'm not one of those people who easily accepts difference. When I don't understand an opinion I don't try to understand it either. I have my opinions and they won't change but I didn't mean to offend you."

I didn't trust him. Ed might, but I didn't. He was dangerous in this environment and I was almost certain he was going to make a big mess. "Understood. But this day isn't about you, me or our opinions. It's about them." He nodded his acceptance. A small victory. I'd have to keep my distance from him.

At last a welcome face arrived before me. "Nice day for a wedding." Helen said. "Maybe we should book the place again for the next one." She looked at me with a cheeky smirk and I kissed her.

As the sun bowed to the coming night, relinquishing it's tenure over the sky, gossamer clouds formed and dissolved deflecting the fiery colours towards the watching eyes. Staff of the vineyard lit a bonfire and placed foil wrapped potatoes around the edge. Surprisingly all the guests had stayed, sitting around reminiscing old memories to those who hadn't known them. It felt good, homely. Until Carl returned from the bar.

"Why ishn't your muvver here, Ed?" He enquired, swaying. "She should be here. Your shisher's here so your muvver should be right there wiv you. And where'sh the rest of your family, Helen? This ishnt a wedding. It's more like a funeral."

I got up to escort the mouthy wan... Ed intervened. "I've got this mate. Go and sit with Helen while I deal with him."

I sat next to her and could see she wasn't as happy as she should be. "Want to take a walk?" I asked.

She nodded. I put my arm out and she linked. "It was a lovely day. You look beautiful. I wish I was the one marrying you."

That raised her spirits a little. "Daft bugger. It was a lovely day. I wish Ed hadn't invited that tosser though."

"Agreed. Has he said something to you or Ed directly or was it just his attitude?"

"I heard him talking to Ed earlier, just after the service. He asked Ed why he was getting into bed with a slut. He suggested Ed should punch you and tell you to fuck off."

I looked over at them as they discussed their opinions on the sidelines away from everyone's ears. "I should have levelled him when I had the chance earlier. He called me a cuckold for letting you be with Ed. I wonder what Ed's saying to him."

"Hopefully giving him his marching orders. I never want him coming around even if he is Ed's friend."

I had to laugh. The stereotypical wife making the man choose between her and his friends. To be fair, in this case she was justified."

The air was becoming chilly so I gave Helen my jacket and took her back to the fire. Then I went to find Ed. He was still talking rather animatedly with Carl. "Everything ok fellas?" I asked as I approached.

"Greg." Ed acknowledged. "Carl was just leaving."

"I'm not goin anywhere. I'm havven a good time and I'm havven another drink." I motioned to the barman, pointed at Carl and motioned my flat palm across my throat to silently cut him off from any more alcohol.

"Your not having anything else from here." I told him. "You're no longer welcome. I'll call you a taxi."

"You what?" He asked with ire. "Don't call me ataxi. You're ataxi."

'Good one' I thought. I'll definitely use that in a future anecdote. "Ed, how do you want to deal with this?"

"Taxi, or cops?" He asked his former friend. "You don't need to add drunk and disorderly to you previous do you?"

Carl flapped his arms to release himself almost falling on his arse in the process. his drunken glare adding fuel to my anger. "Yous are perfec for each other. Pussies!"

I put my hand across Ed's chest to stop him from stepping to Carl and in the same move stepped forward myself and, for whatever reason, let the anger do the talking.

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As I sat on the hard plastic seat with my balled up jacket around my forearm staring at the chipped paint on the wall, I wondered what might have been different if I'd let Ed step forward. Would he have punched Carl? Pushed him? Grabbed his arm and forcefully removed him? Would he be sat where I am now pondering his future.

"Greg Moyles?" I could feel my body shake as I heard the voice call me. I looked over at the uniformed man while rising to my feet. I took a breath and walked towards him convincing myself that if I walked half way and then half way each time I would never actually reach him. But in fourteen steps I did.

"Greg Moyles? Come through please."

I walked into the room and the man gestured for me to sit down. It was brightly lit with a computer on the desk. I knew instantly what he was going to say.

"You've got fractures to the fourth and fifth metacarpals. You'll be in a splint for a few weeks but other than that you'll heal. Try not to get into any more fights."

'Bollocks!' I thought. I have reports to write and I can't drive. Not that it mattered for the next two weeks because we were heading away for Helen and Ed's honeymoon, and Austrian Oktoberfest.

As I stepped out of the room they both stood to ask what the result was. "Two broken bones. I'll have to wear a splint but I'll be fine. How's the douche?"

Ed laughed. "I think he got the message when you broke his nose."

"Shit. Sorry Ed. I'd had enough of him."

They both nodded as Ed replied. "I think everyone had. He won't be featuring in my future, don't worry."

"What time is take off?" I asked.

Helen looked at her phone. "Four hours"

Marty McFly came to mind 'why do we have to cut these things so damn close'

"Ok the plan is, go home, get passports and luggage, load into a taxi, back here. If I'm done I'll come with. If I'm not, leave my stuff and I'll follow. You shouldn't miss your honeymoon for me."

"But..." Helen started.

"No. Just go. The quicker you do it the less likely you'll be to miss the flight."

She kissed me and told me she loved me. Ed slapped my shoulder and they left.

I sit, listening to the sound of the rain on the hospital waiting room window it's course and loud, like gravel running down a tin roof. The streaks of water running down the glass remind me of the tears on Helen's face during today's ceremony. I admit even I cried a bit. Looking around at all the strange faces here, they'll have so many stories to tell and yet I'd put good money on mine being the most unconventional. I have two hours to make sure I have that splint strapped to my hand because I'm determined not to miss out on Vienna again.