All Comments on 'Son of a Witch Pt. 03'

I am excited!

I am loving this story so far I cannot wait to see what happens next!

Best chapter yet. The build-up to Barley's comeuppance is both arousing and exciting to read, even more with Barley securing evidence concerning Jay's little secret. ENM and SPH at its best. I enjoyed Barley's masturbation scene. Besides being hot, it foreshadows Barley's growing assurance towards his magical abilities, with him ultimately taking the leap to practicing it. Rather than continuing to live in fear from his low-confidence and emotional vulnerability, he took measures to overcome his 'virginity.'

Your interplay of humour with "darker" prose is commendable. SPH recieves tons of censure given the phycological component towards degradation. I mean, Jay’s remarks infuriated Barley himself! But the humour dilutes the humiliation segments without off-putting the reader. I wish I could do that. Speaking of Jay's comments, I would be interested reading more stories surrounding Barley and Jay's turbulent relationship. So far, we had gotten summations by Barley along with the family gathering flashback.

Regarding critiques, you used 'Barely' for Barley a couple of times. Also, I think the diary entry noting Jay's endowment tracking was written a bit awkwardly. It seems the reader should be as confused as Barley when reading the journal, coming to the same conclusion as him upon review. Because Barley was privy to information given knowledge of Jay’s birthday, he figures out the entries, but I did not. It would have been better to write this part from Barley's limited perspective, so we follow his train of thought versus presenting the information objectively, only for Barley to chime in. Hopefully that makes sense. If not, at least tell me who ranked #1 in Jay's diary.

Thank you for another enjoyable read!