All Comments on 'The Heiress Ch. 21'

What a crazy turn of events!!!! I didn’t see that comin at all! Please bring us another installment soon, I’ll check every day. This story is so captivating!

Penelope will have her fate decided by N'Yasa once she gets back to the palace. She will choose a tall strong black brute of a man who will ensure Penelope is impregnated and will stay in the farm impregnating other white women sold into slavery.

In 1944, a Japanese submarine will beach on shore with crew seeking commodities and fuel for their sub. The Captain will ask if there is white meat to share with the crew and N'Yasa will give them Penelope already impregnated with a dozen biracial children. All hands will be lost as the submarine is sunk.

Ok. I read it to here now. I think the story is very interesting. But I think it gets a bit confusing to the end. Furter I would have prefered to read more about Penelope as slave to N'Dula and her being dominated with by Agnes, her maid first.

Hi OxfordAphro, I hope you read this comment. ;)

I have to agree with the previous comment. It indeed gets a bit confusing. Probaply, because there could be a few characters less and the storyline could be a bit more tightened. Maybe it would have been good to let the tale end after 6 or 7 chapters, after Penny's adverntures in Natawe, then back at home with her maid dominating her. N'Dula maybe coming for a visit to dominate her too. After that there could have been a sequel back in Natawe.

Btw: I miss Penny and N'Dula being in the mistress/slave relationship like at the start.

Thanks for sharing your work.

Hi - thank you all for your comments.

I originally thought the story was complete when I finished chapter 5. However, there were requests for me to continue the tale, so it took a bit of an abrupt turn there. Also, I kept leaving and returning to the story, rather than seeing it through.

I'm going to re-write The Heiress now that I have a fuller understanding of how it plays out. The story will continue with her and N'Dula, instead of introducing Daisy. Lady Cecilia will still be an important player, and it will be nice to keep Lady Charlbury and N'Tumi. I think everything will fit into place better if this is the case. Jemima is probably unnecessary, but some of her stories could be transferred to another character perhaps? A lot of chapters could be removed/abridged - on reflection there was some repetition there.

I wrote and conceived Enslaved by the Black Queen in full before posting any chapters, so I think that story held together much better.

Final chapter is pending awaiting review, so it should be up by the weekend.