Why’d You Ever Have to Say Goodbye

I had never been happier and that is when the darkness is at its most dangerous, waiting for the dip after the peak and crashing down like a tsunami to wash away all the good times and leave only bleakness ahead.

We returned to our favourite places time and time again as well as branching out, weekend trip to European cities, longer haul trips as summer started and before the schools went on holiday. Rome and Oslo became new favourites. Then after each trip would be another one, the mental stumble.

Lisa would hold me, her voice soft. "Do you really think I am too good for you?" she once asked after a bad dark evening. I nodded, eyes filled with tears. She smiled and shook her head. "I feel the same about you." she said, her eyes soft and warm in mine. "Am I too good that I wanted to sleep with you the first night we met? Are you not good enough that I was madly in love after a few days? Within a week you had been where no other guy has been, I mean, you must be pretty worthy, bum worthy." she giggled and I felt the light coming in. "I let you touch me when it was my period and you were so tender and loving I still do it and I love it. You touch me and I feel alive inside. I still get wet when you smile at me and your dark eyes shine. I still ruin underwear at a crazy rate. Nothing you have ever done has made me feel you are not worthy, I struggle to think I am worthy of such a loving man. You are everything I want, will ever want. You alone are the everything. and have been for seven years and more." She kissed me, then stood and removed her clothing and I stared at the dark triangle of curls as they sparkled with her dew, the bigger pubic patch her 'latest hairstyle' she had joked. I stood and stripped and Lisa lay on the living room floor and lifted her legs and opened them wide and I slipped inside. "This is where you belong, my love." she whispered.

The rain started now, clouds carried in fast by the wind and Lisa stood and walked from the bench, my hand reaching, but failing to touch her. Maybe next month.

Chapter 12:

I didn't hear her steps, just the soft sound of gravel moving as she appeared and turned to sit in the warm summer air. She was wearing a white t-shirt and pale walking trousers along with a pair of big walking boots.

"Why'd you ever have to say goodbye?" she said, her voice cracking. "Twelve years. twelve years since that first time here." I thought I saw a tear fall and I reached up, then pulled back.

I remembered the eleventh anniversary when we had sat here and laughed. Lisa had worn a yellow dress and we had been to dinner. She asked me to walk to the slipway and then look back. She was smiling and when I looked down I saw another one, her underwear gone. She had taken them off in the toilet of the restaurant, not even bothering with a bra on this evening. I walked back and she was blushing deeply, but we kissed and she snuggled on my lap and, as the path went quiet, my finger slipped into her. No one was around and as the darkness crept over us, Lisa gripped my finger tight and soaked it with her cum. A few minutes later she walked to look both ways and then ran back to straddle me and take me inside. I came quickly, our fooling around for hours, Lisa gently stroking me when she could and even dipping her head for a few minutes to suck and lick, making sure of that, plus it was needed in case we were seen. We walked home slowly as my semen dribbled down her thigh, the end of the stream below the hem as we reached the door. I added to it as Lisa leaned back against the inside of the door and then we cleaned each other before we started to get messy again. "Still not bored." Lisa giggled as the summer night finally turned to dark for a few hours.

"Twelve years since I found the lost you." she said and I heard the sobs now. "Twelve years, but six days and seven months since I lost you."

"I don't hate you, I never will or can. I love you and that will never die." She whispered and my own eyes were full of water too.

I had sent Lisa a message, addled in my mind and stupid. "Gone out, Goodbye." I can't remember how or why, just being there, total darkness now, even the river looked black. It was another high tide as I stood and peered out, looking for something, nothing. My mind span, vibrating at the speed of light, no sense being made as thoughts crashed inside my head. A wave lapped at the edge and the water splashed up onto my boot, reaching for me, nudging me, pulling me. It was what I was looking for and I took a step.

Lisa was sobbing, people walked past and ignored her, maybe they thought she had enjoyed herself too much on a Friday evening and was paying the price.

"Remember the day after your birthday, how we held hands?" she whispered, "Falling in love already." She sniffed up some tears.

"I wish I had found you again, but you were so lost and I didn't see. I don't hate you for leaving. I hate that I couldn't ease the pain or help you. I cannot imagine how painful it must have been, it hurts me so much, you must have been in utter agony, alone and lost in despair. All I wanted to do was hold you, but it was too late, you were leaving and I couldn't do a thing. I searched, but I knew you were gone, I looked, I sat here, hoping you'd come, I sat here for hours, then I knew. Knew that was the last goodbye, you meant it this time."

"I'll never forget you, JD. Never stop loving John David Roberts. Maybe you stopped loving me, but I know you still did, I saw it in your eyes. I want to look into those eyes every day."

Lisa walked to the slipway and then down to the water that was already low and still heading for the sea. "Funny how we still remember. The memories make me lonely, they make me want to cry, but they are all I have." She took a rose from her bag and threw it onto the water and it swirled and then bobbed out. and she walked up the slope, turning to watch the flower head to the ocean and then she sat again.

"It will never be goodbye, you will never leave me." she said and I reached out for her, but she stood and my hand missed. "Bye bye my love." she whispered.

Lisa looked at the bench and smiled, stroking it gently, then turned and walked down the path. I looked left and no one was there. I looked right and Lisa was fading into the distance already, slipping into the shadows. I walked forward to the edge of the slipway and felt the water on my boot, pulling me home and I took a step.