u r not capable writing any other than smut
Susan, you are one hot momma! Haven't enjoyed something like this more.
Write a sequel relating what occurs after "Elizabeth" enters to kitchen and confronts her son Robert.
How different would the ending be if the Oxford comma was there: "Eat, shit, and die!"
Yet she still has keys to the house apparently....
Didn't "hate" it, but nothing really to like either...
First I wonder if the last "Anon" was anywhere close to sober when he wrote that almost pointless rambling disconnected mouthful of crap (pun intended.)
Second, I think this was a good little story, but too short--just needed a little bit more... I'm giving a "bonus point" for the fact she actually ate shit before she died! I laughed!
I agree with Carvohi that shee could've been saved by him, but not to precipitate a reunion. She needs to live with the fact that even though she did him wrong, he was a good enough man to do the right thing. His kids would think better of him and he could get the ultimate revenge of her seeing him, a man she clearly no longer deserved, with another woman, and their kids accepting her in wifey's place, knowing that she owes her very life to him.
As written, his kids can put part of the blame of their mother's death on a cruel remark Daddy made in the fervor of the moment. Bummer. It's still a good quick read. :-)
I think the greatest revenge that an exhusband lives with other woman happier and a not dead (not killed, not suicid or accident victim) ex wife can see it. Above 35 years the good husband or mate candidates for a woman are less and less with the following time.........a healthy older man has more possibility to find a newer better younger woman and I did not talk about foreigner web dating site younger wives.
I think the Revenge Story Authors should avoid the dead cheater ex wife characters, because dead ex carachter changes the story to Consequence story. However the dead long term lover boy may be revenge......the cheater ex wife looses a future mate possibility.
You needed to proofread this about six more times. Don't be in such a hurry to post. Get an outsider to check what you write. You were writing a letter; maybe you should have stayed in either the present or the past tense.
Second, women do usually prefer poison or overdosing to a bullet or a rope. By that token more suicidal women are saved. Consider this. What if your protagonist found her before it was too late. He calls 911. She's saved. He realizes how deeply he actually loves her. She has a second chance to relive her life, and show her husband how much she truly loves him. Together they work to rebuild their marriage and their lives. Together they get to enjoy their children. She gets to reflect on the very real damage her suicide would have caused.
Why don't you pull this story off. Do a rewrite. Make it meaningful.
For the read.
Boring, uninteresting, no real story here. And neither as clever or funny as people are claiming.
What's that? A woman dies in it? Oh! My mistake, everyone vote five stars! Take that all the actual erotica authors on this site! This is a section for bitter, lonely, sad men, not porn!
*applause* 5/5 nuff said
Probably would have been better as a first person story. Your "letter" was too long to be believable.
... I love twisted humor, a great short read. Thank you from the Panther fan.
Fuck you ex-wife..understand your lovers have AIDS. Judge gave me everything. You have no health insurance. Live long in pain and agony. Oh, your sister has truly helped me feel much better. With her I didn't have to tie a plank across my ass to keep from falling in. Understand your parents have disowned you.
A humorous flash tale.
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