Edward's Laboratory Ch. 03

"... Have you talked to Dennis about ground-rules once Frank comes back from his business trip?" Wanda asked, placing an elbow on the table and resting her head in the according hand. "I've never known the boy to ever really act out against you two, but he's got to have some illusions about the power dynamic between you two now."

Carroll groaned, then leaned forward onto the table and wrapped her arms around her big tits, laying her head on the pushed-up cleavage. "Yeah... I told him that it's free game if we've got the house to ourselves, and only if Frank is out of town." She let out a worried sigh, her expression pained but her crotch heating up at the thought of how he was, and has been, able to use his new shape-shifting powers. "I'm more worried about me, Wanda. That boy just makes me hot whenever he looks at my body like it's just a piece of meat... It's mine and Frank's honeymoon days all over again." She whimpered.

"There, there, suga'." Wanda sympathized, pulling a hand away from her mug to reach out and gently place it on one of Carrolls. "I'm sure things'll work out. Have faith in yourself."

-----

Zoey looked down past her perky but unimpressive chest and at the buttoned-up labcoat she was wearing. She looked nice, she thought. Professional, even.

Zoey cleared her throat, and then reached up to press the small, square, metal button that was connected to the concrete frame around the door. She heard a faint buzzing sound, then the locks began to violently clink and clank for several for several moments before the door slowly slid open. There was no one there waiting to greet Zoey, but she was on time, she noticed after pulling out her phone, and decided to just waltz right on in.

"Edward? Sir?" She quietly asked, making her way down the dimly-lit steps until she eventually reached the laboratory itself.

"Welcome!" The scientist called out as soon as her foot touched the floor, which caused her to jump in surprise.

"Uh, hi!" She said, glancing towards a small stand over in the corner that had an unsettling noise emanating from it. "Are you, uh... Do you want me to answer that?"

Since the door had opened, Zoey was able to hear the repeating rings of a telephone that needed to be answered, but quickly understood why Edward had left it alone up until that point as soon as her first assignment was... well, assigned to her.

"Assistant! Your one and only job for today: Keep answering that phone." Edward dramatically declared as he abruptly spun around in his stool and pointed at said phone, then took a long drag of his cigarette with his other hand. When the scientist began to speak again, the Devil himself would have coughed by just witnessing the copious amount of smoke he was exhaling as he did so. "Just for this time, activate the one-way speaker and I'll walk you through what to tell them. You can just pretty much do the same with anyone else who calls." He shrugged, still impersonating a chimney. "Oh, and don't forget to do the greeting that I wrote down on the note over there."

Zoey glanced at him nervously, then wordlessly walked over towards the old-timey, red telephone. When she picked up the note next to the phone and mumbled it allowed, her face went a bright red from embarrassment for a few moments, but Zoey did everything in her power to shove down any negative feelings about her current responsibility and thought it'd just be best to follow her directions and go with the flow.

"Understood, sir." She took a deep breath, lifted the receiver up to the side of her face, and pressed a small, square button on the side of the base.

"Thank you for calling Edward's Laboratory, where your fetish is our science project! May I ask who's calling?" Zoey stated clearly and confidently with a reluctant smile.

Edward gave her a smirk and a thumbs up.

"Uh, yeah this is, uh... Nigel Flemmingham? I was told to call this number if I had any problems with my Bimbo Furrilizur Ray..."

His voice was nervous, nasally, and sounded rather entitled, Zoey thought as she looked to Edward, who was rolling his eyes at the name of the device mentioned.

"I fuckin' hate this guy." He groaned, rubbing the brigde of his nose. "Ask him what the deal is."

"I'm so sorry to hear that, what seems-"

"Don't apologize." Edward said with a confused, mildly disgusted look on his face. "For anything."

Zoey looked at the man with wide eyes of astonishment, but continued nonetheless.

"What seems to be the problem?" She asked, her tone now off and a bit shaky.

"Well, everyone that I zapped with it turned back to normal, and they can, like, remember everything, and now I'm trapped in a closet in a house full of a bunch of angry girls that wanna' kill me, aaand they called the cops. I don't know what to do..."

Edward shrugged. "Ask him if he has a lawyer."

"Do you have legal advice to consult, sir?"

"I did, but... She's here too." Nigel said, the defeat clear in his voice.

"... Laugh at him. Loudly." Edward said with the same serious, stoic expression that was usually on his face.

Zoey pulled the phone away from her head and practically slammed her palm against the receiver.

"What?!" She shrieked in a whisper.

"He dug his grave, now it's time for him to lay in it."

Zoey put a hand over her mouth, trying to rationalize and look at the situation through the eyes of a cold, calculating scientist like Edward.

However, Nigel and his friends refused to let her have a moment to think.

"AH! One of them just took an axe to the door! ... Hello?!"

"I'm sorry!" Zoey said, then slammed the phone back down, hanging up on the poor fool.

"... I give you a 'C-'." Edward stated after a long moment of silence, then another drag of his cigarette. "Next time, Assistant: Less niceties, more mockery. Only waste your breath on things that are either monetarily important, or funny."

The phone began to ring again, which made Zoey jump in terror.

"You'll have a five second break before the next call that's waiting will be put through." Edward said, turning around in his stool towards an ancient-looking, desktop computer behind him. "There's gotta' be at least, like, a hundred or two more people waiting, given that literally all of my inventions bit the dust as soon as I popped back into reality... Better get to it."

"But, h-how am I supposed to help any of them?" Zoey asked, her shoulders slumped and enthusiasm destroyed.

"You're not." Edward shrugged. "Everyone on the other end of that line looking for help is an asshole at heart, much more so than my niece, and you shouldn't feel bad for a single one of them. Only assist those looking for our business by having them place an order, and be unforgiving to those that couldn't properly use the god-tier machines that they stupidly bought from me."

With another ring from the phone, Edward dismissively raised his hand and then went to typing away at the computer in front of him, ignoring everything else around him.

Our favorite gothic intern sighed deeply as she stared at the phone, letting it ring once more before she found the willpower to answer it.

"Thank you for calling Edward's Laboratory, where your fetish is our science project! May I ask who's calling?"

"... Who the fuck is this?" Came the crude, ill-mannered voice of a woman in her mid twenties.

Zoey's blood ran cold at the person's bluntness.

"I'm Zoey, h-his assistant... May I ask who's calling?"

"Oh!" The woman exclaimed, clearing her throat and swiftly shifting her attitude at the sound of another girl's voice. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I sort of expected to hear my dad's stupid voice when you picked up. Didn't mean to sound rude, or anything..." She said, which caused Zoey to perk up with curiosity as several questions instantly popped into her mind. "Is, uh... Is he there?"

"Edward, sir. You've got a call." Zoey said, pulling the receiver away from her mouth as she studied the man for his reaction. "It's your daughter, I think."

"Huh? Oh, put it on speaker then. It's the button opposite from the other." He said, not bothering to turn away from the computer or stop typing as billions of ones and zeros flowed between each other on the screen.

Zoey looked around and spotted the one mentioned, then pressed it and set down the phone on the base.

"You're on." She told him.

"WHAT?!" Edward roared, the sheer, stunning volume of his powerful voice causing a terrified Zoey to accidentally pee herself a little bit.

"Jesus fucking Christ, dad!" The voice screeched back. "For once, can you not be such an asshole?!"

"Hah, nope." He laughed softly, setting his cigarette down in a small, plastic ashtray and picked up a warm beer sitting next to it for a quick swig. "What do you want, Trixie? I'm busy."

"Trixie..." Zoey mumbled, recalling back to when she and Mandy were kids. Come to think of it, there was an older girl by that name that would come over and visit with them during summer break every now and then, but that was over a decade ago...

"Well, for one, I've been possessed by a pink ghost with huge fuckin' tits."

The one hand that Edward had been rapidly typing with stopped abruptly at the news.

"And two... There's actually not a two, she's pretty rad. I just wanted you to get a read on the situation before I accidentally let her turn me into slut, or something. I know mom's the ghost expert, but she's off the grid somewhere in Mexico right now looking for cursed gold."

"... Does she have a name?" Was all her father asked, ignoring the mention of his ex-wife.

"Uh, yeah. She says it's Omikron, but-... What? ... I guess that's fine, sure... Whatever, just don't say anything embarrassing. Hey dad, do you want to talk to her? She's dying to say hi, for some reason."

Edward turned around in his seat, stood up, and calmly walked over to Zoey and the phone.

"Absolutely." He said as a curious smile formed on his lips.

"D-DADDY?!"

"Hah!"

"AHHH! I FINALLY FOUND YOU! DADDYDADDYDADDYDADDYDADDYDAD-"

"This is the greatest day of my life." Edward said, smiling from ear to ear as he looked at a petrified Zoey; the sounds of Trixie echoing the same word over and over again bouncing off of the lab's walls. "Hi baby, nice to meetcha!"

"-DYDADDYDADDYDADDYDADDY-"

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EndNote:

Thank you all for taking the time to at least skim through this story. I write these stories for fun and wouldn't call myself an intellectual by any means, so please excuse any scientific inaccuracies that may have (have definitely) occurred within the first three chapters of this story. Again, thank you all!