Government Mandated Penis Exam

Things remained semi-normal for a while. Emily had her baby. But Lance started noticing Amanda becoming a little more curvy, her breasts bigger, her skin more beautiful. There began to be rumors in the office that Amanda was pregnant, and she eventually confirmed she was, and that she was very happy about it. Funny. Lance didn't even know she had a boyfriend, let alone a husband.

"What happened to the sperm?" Emily asked Lance one day, just out of the blue.

"What?" Lance asked. He had no idea what she was talking about, as they had been discussing a completely different subject.

"What happened to the sperm after you ejaculated at the second exam?" Emily asked.

"I don't know. I was in a rush to get out of there. Why does it matter?" Lance asked.

"Wouldn't you want to know? There's always stories about women stealing condoms out of the garbage to get pregnant, and that kind of thing."

"Honey," Lance said naively. "That only happens on TV. Besides, don't the sperm die outside of the body?"

"Eventually, but not until twenty minutes or so after," Emily explained.

"So, what could have happened in twenty minutes? The only people that would have had access during that time were..."

And at that moment, Lance's heart dropped right to the pit of his stomach. He thought he just figured something out (and he was right about that.)

The child Amanda was carrying was his. She had stolen his sperm from the plastic cup and gotten herself pregnant with his baby.

No, it couldn't be, could it?

Amanda was a beautiful young woman. Women that age weren't usually baby crazy yet. And even if she were, she could easily find some young single guy to get her pregnant. She wouldn't steal the sperm of some married man in his 30s, would she?

... Would she?

Lance knew intuitively that Amanda was pregnant with his child. On one hand, the prospect terrified him. 18 years raising a child with a woman who wasn't his wife? And what if he had to pay child support? Would Emily stick around for all of this? Would people believe him when he explained what happened, or would they just assume he cheated on Emily with Amanda? What would people at church say? What would they tell his kids in school? How would he explain this to his kids? The questions raced through Lance's mind, giving him severe anxiety.

On the other hand, it turned him on to think that Amanda had been so desperate for his baby that she stole his sperm. Is there anything more you can do to stroke a man's ego than that? A beautiful, smoking hot 25 year old woman chose him to be the father of her child. She wanted a piece of him inside of her. She wanted to nurse a little copy of him with her breast. She wanted his manly goo, his essence, inside of her, and she wanted it so badly that she made it happen without his consent or even his knowledge. His baby was inside of Amanda right at this very moment, and the thought of that got Lance rock hard. A part of him was just sad that he didn't have the chance to put the baby there the natural way. Unbeknownst to Lance, Amanda also had that exact same regret.

He was 100% sure that the baby was his. Somehow he just knew it. And although he was scared, he loved the baby already and was actually kind of excited to be a dad for the 7th time.

He wasn't sure whether he should confront Amanda with what he knew or wait for her to come to him. But the issue was about to be forced in a way neither one of them expected.

The giggles and whispers about Lance mostly subsided after a while. People got sick of the topic, and it was just a known fact in the office that the dude was hung like a horse. Whoopty doo! Lots of men are, right?

The only two who kept it alive were Janice, the secretary, and Greg, one of the gay guys, and they only talked to each other about it. Greg was kind of a perv and had a thing for Lance. So he just wouldn't let it go. One of the things he would do was take candid pictures of Lance's crotch bulge and ass when he thought nobody was looking, and post them anonymously on the internet, with Lance's face cropped out so nobody could see and identify him.

One of the crotch shots where Lance was showing clear VPL went viral on reddit and twitter, with lots of thirst tweets about the daddy in the photo with the hot dick bulge. Of course, internet detectives have absolutely no lives, so they quickly used context from the background of the photo to determine the company it was from, and then went on the company website to try to identify who had a body type like the one in the photo. And it was just obviously Lance; the other guys at the company were all either too fat or too skinny.

So women and gay men all over the world thirsted over Lance's bulge shot, and Lance had to wonder which of his coworkers was the one orchestrating all this. Lance actually correctly suspected it was Greg, but he had no proof, so he couldn't threaten to kick Greg's ass like he wanted to.

Unfortunately for Lance, once everyone realized that he was the man in the photo, thousands and thousands of more FOIA requests came in wanting the information about his penis exam. And Lance would never know if it was an accident as the agency claimed, or deliberate sabotage, but a few of the people who submitted FOIA requests also "accidentally" received a copy of the report from his Quality Control Exam. And as soon as they did, it was published on the internet, and the fact that Lance had ejaculated during the second exam became a matter of public knowledge. Luckily, it was the redacted version, or else it could have been even worse.

Wherever Lance went, whether it was church, the grocery store, the gym, work, his kids' sports games, or anywhere else, everyone knew that he had gotten an erection and ejaculated in front of his coworker. Unfortunately, many rumors and urban legends developed. Some stated he had ejaculated all over the poor woman's face. Others stated that he was a premature ejaculator and came after only 10 seconds of being touched. The one rumor that didn't ever circulate was that Lance had a micropenis, as the FOIA reports very clearly documented both his impressive penis length and girth. Everyone knew Lance was hung like a horse.

But now Amanda started to get curious glances as well. She was now well into her second trimester, and she was very visibly pregnant. If you did the math... it worked out. The rumors about that started to swirl as well.

Emily was the most furious when she heard the rumors. She scolded her husband for not being able to control his ejaculation in the first place. If this was true, it threatened to rip their family apart.

The rumors reached the office as well, and now Amanda knew how Lance felt. She felt like everywhere she went, people were talking about her and looking at her and whispering behind her back. And they sure as hell were.

Tina felt the heat. She really could go to federal prison if it came out that she had walked out of the building that day allowing Amanda to keep Lance's sperm.

The office was tense. The only time the whispers stopped were when both Lance and Amanda were in the same room, and everyone stole glances at them to see if they interacted suspiciously.

It had to end. Lance walked into Amanda's office one day resolving to just ask her point blank. "Am I the father of your child?" Lance asked forcefully.

"Lance," Amanda said. "How could that be? We've never had intercourse."

"That's not what I asked you, Amanda," said Lance, dead serious. "Am I the father of your child? Yes or no?"

Amanda paused. It sucked, but she had to tell him sooner or later.

"Yes," Amanda admitted.

"How could you, Amanda? Don't you see how badly this messes up my life? Or are you that selfish that you just don't care?" Lance asked, absolutely furious.

"Don't act like you didn't want this, Lance. You get aroused around me constantly. You're aroused right now. Did you think I didn't notice? You wanted this just as badly as I did," Amanda said. On one hand, it was bullshit to keep her from feeling guilty about stealing his sperm and forcing him into fatherhood, but on the other hand, both she and Lance realized there was some truth to this and that on some primal level he enjoyed that such a beautiful young woman like Amanda was pregnant with his child.

"Damn it, Amanda. That has nothing to do with this. Can't you see how reckless this was? It's a human being we're talking about, not a poodle."

"I know. And I'm ready to be a mother. And you're already a great father. It's not the end of the world," Amanda said, reassuring him.

"Except you did it without asking me! And if you asked me, I would have said no. I am married. I have a family. Because of what you did, I don't know if I still will tomorrow. It's completely unfair," Lance said, just wanting some kind of acknowledgment at some point from somebody that this whole penis inspection business had completely turned his life upside down at no fault of his own.

"Life is not fair, Lance. You're a successful, intelligent, handsome guy. Millions of women would do the exact same thing if they had the chance. I saw a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I took it. I would do it again. You should be flattered," she said, flirting with him a bit as she did.

Lance got even harder than he already was at this, unsuccessfully trying to cover it up with his hands in his pockets.

"So what do we do now?" Lance asked, realizing he had the shittiest possible negotiating position.

"I'll have my lawyer put something together for you. Joint custody and child support," Amanda said.

"Child support? What makes you think I'd pay you a dime? You stole that sperm and I didn't consent. Caveat emptor," Lance said confidently.

"It's established case law. It doesn't matter whether you say you wanted this to happen or not. You freely handed me the sperm, and at that point, it became my property and I had a right to do whatever I wanted with it. I'm not trying to be mean, but it's just the law. Please, be realistic, Lance," Amanda encouraged him.

Lance was fucked. Yet again. And he knew it. How did a simple penis exam mess up his life so thoroughly?

The cockroaches scattered as Lance opened the door and walked out of Amanda's office and the employees went back to pretending to work. Now that Lance had been told the truth, Amanda didn't hide it from anyone anymore, and openly stated to anyone who asked (and some who didn't) that Lance was the father of her child. Everyone including her family, neighbors, and strangers on the street seemed to feel the need to express their opinion about what she did. Some older women said incredibly mean and degrading things to her. A lot of women sent her fan mail to the effect of "You go, girl!" and "You inspired me to do the same thing." A lot of men started treating her really badly, like some crazy ho or some piece of meat.

Eve actually scolded Amanda for what she did and said the company could be held accountable if Lance ever took them to court. But she let Amanda off with a warning, and told her that she'd no longer be permitted to do penis exams for any new male hires. Secretly, Eve respected the hell out of Amanda for playing the hand she was dealt for all it was worth. But she couldn't tell that to Amanda.

Tina was completely protected from any consequences. There wasn't any hard evidence against her, and she had allies at the very top level of government. She was simply quietly moved to another government agency, and even got a raise out of it. It seemed like everyone was better off except for Lance.

Amanda actually somewhat lowballed her child support request to Lance compared to what a lawyer told her she could get. She had to develop some kind of amicable relationship with Lance if they were going to parent a child together. Lance's attorney encouraged him to accept that offer, and he did. He still had to pay Amanda a lot of money every month, but what exactly could he do except shut up and pay?

For Lance, the whole affair had been humiliating, degrading, and ultimately, very financially costly. But he did get a certain amount of respect wherever he went, as everyone knew his dick size, and everyone knew that his dick was so irresistible that it actually made a woman go crazy and hysterical enough to steal his sperm.

It had all been an incredibly wild ride. But when Lance was there at the hospital as Amanda gave birth, and he was the first one to hold his son, relief washed over him. "It was all worth it, Amanda. Holding him, I know it was worth it. It was all so crazy, but if it hadn't happened, we wouldn't have him. I'd do it all again," he said.

"So would I," she said, full of motherly affection, madly in love with her newborn son. And Amanda and Lance shared a hearty laugh together as they fondly looked at the new life they created together.

THE END