Will and Marnie Explore . . . Ch.04

I drifted off to sleep in a state of total confusion.

*******

Another Sunday after the night before

"I'm really not sure."

It was breakfast time and, once again, I was telling Barry about my doubts. He had told me several times how well he thought I had performed with Will, and that it was very obvious that what I had done had a powerful effect on Will. I asked him what effect it had on him while he was watching us.

"It was different to the first session," he said. "With that one, watching you get turned on was really hot. That was incredibly sexy, much sexier watching you reacting than it was watching Will's reactions to what you were doing. Watching another bloke getting worked over and getting turned on isn't all that exciting.

"But the thing that worried me all the way through when you were doing it was hoping that you did it all right. I was hoping that Will would react the same as I did when you were practising on me and that nothing would go wrong."

"That's exactly the same sort of thing that Vanessa said about Will when he was supposed to be doing it all good for me," I replied. "Each of you is just worried that your performing seal will do their tricks right and not stuff it up. This was all supposed to be for me to have an experience - to experience something I missed out on when I was younger, and now it's just become a performance.

"I'm going to tell Vanessa I'm not doing the third session."

A look that I couldn't read flitted across Barry's face. Relief? Disappointment? "No, look pet, I didn't mean it quite like that. I certainly didn't see you as a performing seal. And in the first session, I felt really happy for you because you were liking it so much what Will was doing. Then last night, you really did have to return the favour and that's what you did. Big time. Don't decide now. Think about it before you say anything to Vanessa."

"OK. Let's forget all about it today. Let's have a shower and go out for lunch and have a day together doing something different and not think about Will and Vanessa."

So that's what we did. We played together in the shower, got dressed, hopped in Barry's car and drove down the south coast to a village where there was a great little fish shop that we used to go to with the girls when they were younger. It was years since we had been there, but it was still where it always was and their takeaway fish and chips was still just as good. We walked out across the sandhills and sat to watch the surfers catching waves, eat our fish and chips, and feed the leftovers to the seagulls.

And that night back at home, we made love.

*******

I'm going to do it, but I'm not having anybody watching

Barry went off to work on Monday and I went down to the elderlies' home to sort a few things out with the other volunteers and staff. That afternoon when I returned, I saw Vanessa over at her place, so I walked across to talk with her about Saturday evening's performance.

As before, we watched the video of what Will and I had been doing. When it ended, Vanessa said "That trick with the creamy stuff was something else. Will and I talked about what you did afterwards. Maybe we should give it a try sometime."

I didn't say anything in response, and I was glad she didn't take that subject any further.

"So what do you have planned for next week?"

I was starting to develop quite a few plans for next Saturday night, but I wasn't ready to tell Vanessa all my thoughts or what my plans were.

"I don't have any real plans as yet, but I've got a couple of ideas I need to talk to Will about. Can you ask him which night he's free this week so that I can take him out to dinner again and we can work out our plans together?"

"If you keep taking him out to dinner like this, I'll be starting to wonder about what you two are up to." Vanessa's laugh sounded a little forced as she said it.

"I think you've already seen enough of what we're up to," I said, trying to make my response sound as natural as possible . "Anyhow, it was all your idea in the first place. I just want to work out the fine details of the performance with Will."

That evening I said to Barry "I'm going to tell Will that we will have Saturday night with just the two of us together. I don't want anybody watching. It's to be just him and me. I still want to do it, but I want to do it the way Vanessa said back when she started all this idea. I want to do it with Will the way I would have done it if I was a girl who had a couple of boyfriends and I was having sex with both of them."

"Why is that? What do you mean?"

"It's what you did and it's what Vanessa did when you were young and screwing around." I deliberately used that term. I needed Barry to know that was how I saw it and what I had decided to do. Late-in-life screwing around. "I'm going to have sex with Will to see if it is different from having sex with my husband, and I'm going to do it for me, not to provide a performance for the peanut gallery."

"And what if it is different? And what if you like it more than you like what your husband is doing?"

"Then I'll have learned something. And then I'll come back to my husband so that we can try whatever it was that was better. Look at what we have done in the past couple of weeks. None of that would have happened without Will and Vanessa getting us started. Maybe we should have done it without them, but we didn't."

"What if I say I don't want you to."

"Then I won't do it. But I hope you don't. I think we know now that what has happened between Will and me has been good for you and me. There's no threat."

"But fucking is something else. Just fooling around together was one thing, but if he fucks you, then I'm not so sure. I thought that if I was there to watch it happening, then it would probably be OK like when I was watching before. If it's just the two of you together and I can't see what's happening, then I dunno."

"If it worries you that much, I won't do it."

In bed that evening, we cuddled close and kissed goodnight. Barry said "Do you really want to do it?"

"Yes, I do."

"Well, do it. He's already had his fingers in you, putting his cock in there isn't all that different, I suppose."

"That doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement. Let's not decide tonight. We can talk about it more tomorrow."

We slept.

On Tuesday, Vanessa told me that Will had Wednesday night free, so I booked the restaurant for 7pm.

That evening during dinner, Barry said "If it's what you want to do, then you do it. I can't say it's what I really want you to do, but I trust you and I can live with it. But one thing I've been thinking about is that you've got to tell me all about it afterwards. Everything. What you do, what Will does, and mostly how it feels for you while it's happening. I don't want you to keep any secrets from me. Nothing."

"I promise I won't. Whatever happens, you'll know about it."

We didn't talk about it any more that night. But we did have a play together in the shower, and we did more than just play together in bed afterwards.

In the past few weeks, Barry and I have had more sex in all its forms than we have had for the past few months. And if I was to draw a distinction between ordinary sex and truly enjoyable sex, we've had more enjoyable sex in the last couple of weeks than in the past several years.

I was fully convinced that I wanted to do it with Will, having come this far along the plan. But I couldn't do it at the cost of losing what Barry and I had gained together in this past few weeks. I had to bring Barry with me each step along the way, and this last step had a strange symbolism. Fucking. It's an ugly word, considering that it can be such a pleasurable activity and can serve so many purposes. But somehow a married woman being fucked by a man who isn't her husband is seen as a step too far.

And that is the step I had decided to take.

On Wednesday evening I collected Will and drove down town to the restaurant. Will was quiet and thoughtful, and the only thing he said on the way was "Is everything going OK between you and Barry for Saturday night?"

"Yes, it is," I replied. "Barry's been really good about everything. But I have had a few thoughts about what we have been doing and what I want to do on Saturday. That's why I wanted us to go out tonight to get the plans straight."

Over dinner, I explained my thoughts to Will. He agreed, sort of, that what we had been doing had become a performance and, even though we both had very much enjoyed what we had done when each was being pleasured by the other, it was a really artificial situation and it would be much more difficult to feel natural performing full sex knowing that Barry and Vanessa were watching.

After all, I explained, what had happened was nothing like what Vanessa had originally suggested.

"I agree with that," Will said. "It can't really be spontaneous with the others watching. It was OK for me with the deprived lady because there hadn't been the build-up to it like you and I have had. We just went into the room and did it quite naturally, knowing that Vanessa had arranged it all. But like you say, what we have done is becoming a performance and we probably would do it more naturally and enjoy it more if nobody was watching."

Will continued. "I don't think Barry and Vanessa can complain. They've had a good show and this was all supposed to be for you originally, not for them."

"As well as that, I don't want it to be in the viewing room," I added. "I will still have the feeling that the one-way screen is there. If it's OK with you, I'm going to book a room in an up-market CBD hotel and we can have dinner there and spend the night. This will be the one and only occasion in my lifetime when I do something like this, so I want to do it properly."

"If that's what you want, then I think it would be great. I'm certainly looking forward to it, and I think we're both going to enjoy it. So let's go with that then."

We finished our dinner and I drove us home. Will gave me a goodnight peck on the cheek and I said "I'll see if The Grandiose has a room available on Saturday. It's a bit short notice, but that's where I'd like to go and we could be lucky."

I was lucky, although it came at a hefty cost. I phoned The Grandiose first thing Thursday morning and they had only one room available for Saturday. It was a spa suite at $799 per night and they had absolutely no interest in bargaining on the price. I paid to secure the room. After all, this was going to be a once in a lifetime experience and it wasn't as though I couldn't afford this one indulgence.

Later in the day I saw Will and told him that all was well for our room at The Grandiose. (I didn't mention the price or the thoughts I was having about the things we might do in the spa.) Will said that he would take me to dinner there before we settled in for the night. Their restaurant has an excellent reputation. I was feeling good about everything and how it was all developing.

This would be the real thing, not a performance. We had put on our performances for Vanessa and Barry. They should be satisfied with that.

Next Saturday night would be just for Will and me. So far as 'me' was concerned, this was what I thought Vanessa had been suggesting back when this whole idea was first proposed. So now I was happy that everything had fallen into place and everybody was accepting of the idea that I should experience sex with a man who wasn't my husband.

Well, as it turned out, not everybody was quite as accepting as I thought they would be. On Friday morning Barry went off to work and shortly after there was a knock on the door. It was a very flustered-looking Vanessa. "What's this idea of you and Will spending Saturday night together in a hotel? That's not what we agreed to. It's not on. Not going to happen!"

"What? Why not? Will was OK with it when we decided on Wednesday night. Why doesn't he want to do it now?"

"No! I won't let him. It's not what we agreed to. We agreed that it would all be done in the viewing room so that Barry and I could watch. If you take him to a hotel for the night, you could be doing anything. It was bad enough when you sprung that thing with the creamy stuff on him, but at least I was there to see what you were doing. I almost pressed the button and told you to stop, but it was all over quickly while I was trying to work out what you were doing."

I wasn't expecting this. "But this whole thing was your idea," I said. "How come you've changed your mind? I remember the words you said: 'how about you borrow my husband'. Well I haven't done it yet. All that I've done is put on a performance with him and entertained you and Barry. It's not that I haven't had fun, and it's been really good for Barry and me like you said it would. But I just feel that it would be more natural to do this last session my way."

"Well it's not going to happen. I told Will that if you don't do it like the other two sessions, then we call the whole thing off."

"That's sad. I was looking forward to it, and Will said on Wednesday night that he was too. What did he say when you said you weren't going to let him come to the hotel?"

"He said that if that was what I wanted, then he wouldn't do it. So are you going to do it in the viewing room?"

"No. We'll just have to be happy with what we have done and call the whole thing quits. Look, Vanessa, I'm sorry that you couldn't let him do it, but he's your husband not mine. I'm really grateful to you both for coming up with the idea in the first place because it really has made a difference for Barry and me."

"That's good." She paused, then "Thanks, I just don't want him to do it," she said, very quietly. "I don't know. It's different with you. The other women didn't bother me, but you're different." Vanessa sounded a little chastened as she said it.

There was a longer pause, then, "We're staying friends, aren't we?" She was almost pleading. Maybe she was now recognising the hypocrisy of her actions?

"Of course we are. Look, Vanessa, it always was a wild idea and I've even surprised myself how far I have gone along with it. You have no idea the number of times I've almost backed out. But I have to say that the past few weeks have been among the most interesting times I have ever had.

"And it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for you. Maybe we've both learned something. Sometimes you just don't know where your limits are until you reach those limits."

It was almost a relief to have this final decision taken away from me. Yes, I had decided to stretch my limits and take that next step, but I wasn't sorry that it wasn't going to happen.

More interestingly, I wondered what it was that had pushed Vanessa beyond her limits. It obviously had something to do with what I did when I used the skin cream on Will. Maybe she thought that I was becoming too 'experimental'. That's what she said I would appreciate about Will. Maybe I wasn't supposed to become all experimental in return.

Ah well, if I can't experiment on her husband, I've still got my own.

*******

I need a bloke

"So what are you going to do now?"

Barry had arrived home and I had told him about Vanessa's surprising decision to deny Will the pleasure of my company overnight in the spa suite.

"Well, I can't get my money back, and I'm not going to leave the room vacant. I was really looking forward to seeing what it would be like playing about with a naked man in the spa bath. I'll just have to find another one.

"You don't happen to know of anybody who can fill in at short notice do you?"

*******

Envoi

I tried to leave the first episode of the Marnie saga ('Conversation') open ended and I invited the reader to provide his or her own answer to a question. Commenters declined to do so. Since that question was apparently too hard, I finished this with an easier one.