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Latest 15 Reader Comments

It was a good story, and could be great if you tightened up the plot a bit. There were a few beats that didn't ring genuine, such as when Zafira revealed that her purpose all along had been to get Cole to bind to her. You might want to revisit how that plays out. Also, it was a bit transparent that Frank was a villain. You might want to try some misdirection, make him more likable, etc.

Once you've cleaned and tightened, go for publication.

F***n More Please

Come on dude you can't leave it like this:\ I need more!

Bravo

I loved it. Everything that a Halloween story needs to be. dark, creep, a little off but in a good (or evil) way. Again as I've said before excellent writing, word use, and beautifully vivid descriptions.


Critique: The only thing that i saw was it had a slightly rushed feeling. I would have loved to have seen this story start...let say a day or so before that first tank encounter. This was a very original story idea this could have carried a much longer, deeper, more slow paced and ultimately richer more gut churning story experience. very good work.

MST

Brilliant....

Incredible, Fantastic. Want more now, please. :)

Re: Wow

an ending so unexpected. the sex was awesome, i loved showing off my wife, but if that were to be her ending i think i would have died myself...a thrilling exciting erotic story,,,btw are u a guy or girl

Good Story

I thought this was a very good storey. Your character development was brief and strong. The house / property plot and writing were very good. The only criticism I have is that the sexual scenes with Mary could have had a much more erotic build up. She was sucking him off in his sleep before he even knew what was going on. Then she would service him two or three times like he was taking a piss.

Just taking a piss mate,

Good Story - thank you

Wonderful!

I would love to read more about these two this story was very hot and erotic!

Brandon is so ghetto I'm laughing so hard. Nah, man speak English before you put your hands down there.

Thank u Thank u for the update! Please don't wait to long to post an update!

I understand Lily not wanting to lose Vanessa as a friend if she tells her about Brandon's bullying. I wonder why Vanessa haven't ever heard anything about it since he was bullying her since high school.

Not bad

This story was okay, but not as arousing as the first two installments. I miss Aunt Jenny.

I wish she would have kicked Brandon right in the balls. I can only hope louis isn't a total bum and that bandon ends up being a prison bitch .... I want to get into Brandon's head and see his logic for his actions initally I thought it was a crush until he put his hands on her,which was inacceptable. At least she's making baby steps in her confidence. Please update soon !

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