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Very good start....

Loving it already. Cannot wait for chapter 2. :)

Nice story

I for one didn't find the story difficult to follow. I could see how the girl started out as an incorporeal ghost, but materialized once she got a "purpose" in her afterlife.

(I'd say the hints are sufficient: the girl suddenly chokes on a blowjob, gets her sense of taste back, and other customers were pointing and laughing).

Besides, as you say: no body, no orgasms. And what good would a literotica story be without them?!? :-) So to the ones missing the transformation: next time you read about a ghost or whatever that can't cum, you need to do a better job of actively watching out for the... thing.... that allows him or her to do so!

Ah, I see I'm not the only one who had happy memories of V:tM on reading this. If I've read that right, we really were channeling the same muse this month, Freya - my "Wasp" had its seeds in an old Changeling game.

Dark and Delicious

The true essence of horror is tragedy...and there is something tragic and beautiful about this story, and very sexy too! I love your big, powerful women and their nasty intoxicating stench...and your poor helpless boys ;) Another excellent effort, look forward to more from your pen ^_^

*narrows eyes*

That's a lovely cardboard box you have there...and such comfy towels.

This could be in a White Wolf game manual, except that it's too well written. There are clear nods here to tumbling ten-siders and late nights. I'm a sucker for werewolves, vampires too, in the right context. This is a loving recreation that manages to surpass its influences in skill and creativity. It is a piece of my childhood, restrung and playing a new but somehow familiar song.

My father told me a story about House of the Rising Sun, a little different than this one. It was the first song I ever learned to play on guitar, and the first song he ever learned to play as well. Same with his uncle, who taught him. I will tell you about it sometime...maybe...for a price.

He was getting dirt thoughts about her naked

While she is in agony and in need of medical attention? Has he never seen a fucking pussy before? Is this his first time with a naked woman? Seriously, just because she's attractive and naked doesnt mean a guy would be aroused. I don't find a woman in pain to be a sexual turn on.

missing chapter?

*looks at calander* fabruary 26th? pshhh

Wow!

Easily one of the bedt stories on the site. Well done!

More than a hint of Bourbon fumes

This carries with it not only the taste of the oak of the barrel, but the wood that charred it to bring the vanilla tannins forward, and the purity of the mountain water. But the most "telling" part is that dark taste, that tells of the terrible heat of Summer...that takes away the angel's share.

This story is all of that, and it carries with it the sweetness of honeysuckle summer winds in the blackberry valleys and the fear of sudden storms on a hot night. Very, very good work, Goddess.

Critique: the dialog and characters in the bar are spot on and wonderfully brought to life, the songs and the imagery all just jump out in vivid clarity. When the "story" begins it's hard to follow for a bit because of that. Only at the very beginning, by the middle part it's much easier to follow and wonderfully enjoyable.

Excellent work, will certainly be looking forwards to a lot more of this.

MST

.

Another wonderful chapter. I'm looking forward to chapter 3.

disquietude

the sense of Foreboding & disquietude the Author achieves is astounding.

remarkably well written , intense , intriguing , engaging .
in parts distasteful , on occasion very near the edge of what is permissible to post on this site ..

However , in a world that is Fiscally, Financially, Economically, Socially , Morally, Ethically, Politically & Reiligiously BANKRUPT .
i find myself happilly willing to be one of Lorelei's customers ..
one copper coin seems like a fair price.

xxxhugsxxx

Did ebay exist in 1997?

Great story. One thing: You refer to buying something off eBay but it is 1997. Not sure but pretty sure EBay didn't exist till after 2000

This story was amazing, I hope you're writing a part 2!!

5/5

awesome, more pls...pretty please with a cherry on top...:)))

Nice. The line from Dickinson is deliciously ominous.

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