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Latest 15 Reader Comments

Good beginning

There are only so many stories, it's good work when you can take one that is done to death and still make it hot, that takes effort. Good job.


Critique: Balance. It's incredibly important in this type of story telling. You have to hit that delicate edge between believable and erotic fantasy, then balance on it perfectly. Knowing this was going to be a multi story piece a little more time to build a firmer "relationship" foundation and a little less of the erotic play (strange as that sounds) would have stood this story good. Let that slow build of sexual tension between the characters not drive them towards the next story but pull it back to them.

You did 2 pages, this could have easily been four or five and been enjoyable as the tension ratcheted tighter and tighter.

MST

nice

I thought he was going to have an unusually small penis from the set up, but the story was well written and enjoyable.

Great Start!

I love the charactor buildup. You have a gem of a start. Looking forward to the next step in the seduction of "Charley"!!

Piss off Anon!

This is a story of a readymade seduction. He knew he was going to score, & she knew she was going to have her way with him. Thats what counts. Whats said, & the english used doesn't mean shit. Its if they each get what they want that counts.
And they did!! Just read, fantazise & enjoy the story.

I did!!

Please

"Should have went.." Your grammar and punctuation are horrible. "He/she thought to him/herself." is very bad form. Your point of view jumps back and forth and you have quotation marks for all thoughts and dialogue. What a mess. How can "bouncing breasts" be moving "ever so slightly"?

"I think she knew he liked her." Who is speaking here? If Mike works there, why is he so surprised at the number of machines? He never noticed them?

"The bathrooms and the showers the bathrooms were very private. The showers were private as well." What? Get an editor. Or an education. Jesus.

Nice

Looking forward to part two ...

Great writing

He shouldn't go to college! Stay home and charge the wives. Then, charge the husbands for keeping their home life calm. And after work fuck the daughters.

Wow

This guy is set for his college careere!
All he needs is for the daughter to find them and think!

Well done

Now he needs to own her and make her beg. But he shouldn't share her or tell anyone. Let her find the young girls for him.

Beautiful....

I'm 86 years old.
I wish I had a wife and life like that.
I cried.
Thank you.

Very nice !

You have the beginning of a very interesting story. I like the way you're introducing the characters to us, I feel like I'm getting to know them personally. Good job ! Looking forward to more from you and this story. Can't wait !

she was keeping awful quiet about something. she was hiding something from you. better to leave her alone. sounds like she was a untrustworthy slut who liked your vehicle.no matter what money one makes, 55 thousand for a car is a ridiculous waste when people are starving. one day you may not have such a job. cars are wworshipping false image

Great first effort!!

Love where this story is headed. Keep it up!!

Insanely hot story

Such a pity that he has not written since 2010.Great writer.

Damn, you have knack for this.

Another good one. Will be looking closely for more.

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