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Brilliant, but still flawed.

I'm going to agree with a bit of what has been said here, but give my own reasons. For one, I loved the story, and the world you have created is broad and feels lived in, even if it seems to have multiple stories happening at once. I'm a bit strange myself in that I don't mind an info dump when it comes to the magic system, I actually prefer to know the rules that the characters are operating within fairly early, unless there is a good reason for us to learn at the same rate as the characters. I also don't mind the cliffhanger ending, I have a few books that have ended on cliffhangers, and I have had to wait years for the next volume to come out, if the story is as good as this one, it is often worth the wait.
The only two real gripes I had with this volume, were twofold.
1. Subplots, now I'm not saying that I mind a story with subplots, but by the end of this chapter we have the main plot of David, Saphire and Laurena as the champions and their Companion? Defending the realm. The secondary Plot of the Church organising an army to defend the realm. The tertiary plot of the Shadow criminal organisation in Exitibus. The fourth plot of the Amanduran army leaders, and the lesser plots that you introduced of Timothy an family, and Charis and her admirer.
2. Terminology, I'll admit this is a fairly minor thing, but anytime you started using the military terms for the Erosian army I was lost, I had to keep a note to remind me what a polemarch, lagos, and whatever else they were meant in terms I was familiar with. I know you made that choice for immersion, but frankly I don't think anyone would have noticed the difference if you had stuck with a more common vernacular.

HELLO are there and going to finish

I was wondering how you where going to combine the rise of Atlantis with CG. I hope that they can work it out before things get too far.

Dude this story arc rocks please continue and give us updates on how it's going and I hope LIFE is being kinder to you.

Quite good

Needs editing. The ending also needs work. But over all, not bad.

Good idea, needs work

Might consider rewriting this. The information dump is overwhelming, and a bit confusing at the beginning with gaps left to be filled. Is Shay tall or short? Whats is up with Mikhael and why is he alone/without family? "battle hardened man and no town blacksmith" means what?

It seems like you have some great ideas, but take some time to build them up. Be descriptive, without throwing it all out at once. You could have a good long story if you built the world up as you wrote and took the time to build the back story before rushing into your main plot.


This is really good stuff so far. Assuming you don't drop the story anytime soon I expect this will reach top ratings. Keep up the quality work bud.

That is the purpose of cliffhangers, my Anonymous friend!

The next part of the increasingly long Squire and Succubi series is in the bag and will be out next week! But if you cannot wait for more Dragon Cobolt, I once more direct you to my other stories (I'm rather partial to The New Neighbors and Procrastination, personally.)

Or, if you want to support my writing career so I can continue to provide free smut, adventure and AD&D references, check out my novellas on Amazon!

A Fetch Job: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N6ZGD8G

The Murder Stroke: https://www.amazon.com/Murder-Stroke-Purgatory-War s-Book-ebook/dp/B071NKZCXW/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Th anks for reading!

The biggest rule of writing is "Show, don't tell." You give a big information dump at the start which might be better expressed if the information were implied rather than stated.


Thank you! This story was so good I was hooked from beginning to end. I haven't read any of your other stories, yet, but you're already one of my favorite authors. I have high expectations for the rest of your stories.

mroe and more please

what a super sexy story, please continue with more of this story.

my two cents again

I guess I really hate auto correct. It should have said in the last sentence like kinetic energy rounds. Like they military uses in tanks.

Can I beg for a few clarifications James?

1. Can you explain the curse 'life for a life'? I understand the curse wrt Pamela because she spared Cael's life, thus a possibility she will lose her soul. But Cael mentions that again in the previous chapter when Aya is adopted...

2. What is the theory Cael's trying to verify when he asks Krasimira for Yakko Ishara's name? I've read the two chapter many times to see if I missed anything and nothing comes to mind.

3. I learnt about the runners acting as traitors under Katrina's command in one of your comments. So my question was how did Felix agree to help with the kidnapping of Cael? Surely Katrina will make sure there are no bread crumbs pointing to her. And again if anybody in the host know Felix sold Cael out? My suspicion is that nobody knows expect Cael and Aya who have guarded the secret. But I would like better clarification from you on this.

Thanks in advance


Shay and the story

The story has potential, could be fun following its progress. Keep going, the Freya track has the possibility of drama and passion. Now Shay, she is fairly tall and then she is petite. Which is she, as tall women aren't petite. Slender, willowy, lanky, rangy, svelte or lissome can be tall or petite. Tall can't be petite.

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